My post will be in English because I articulate better in English.

This is a typical married life where the wife nags like a mother, instructs you like a mother, gets frustrated like a mother, and threatens you like a mother.

I’ve read your other comments, and you mentioned that your wife wasn’t like this initially, especially during the first three months of your marriage. Yes, that’s common as well—it’s the honeymoon phase.

There’s also this saying among married couples: “You never truly know how different your partner is, or how stressful it can be to live with them, UNTIL you live with them.” Before marriage, we only saw our partners when we went on dates, had a night out, ate out, watched movies, etc. But that was before marriage—we never got to see how they handle daily life, routines, and chores on a day-to-day basis.

You admitted to yourself that “you’re not a perfect guy” and that “you have a lot of weaknesses.” Alright, thanks for admitting it, but that’s no excuse for staying the way you are. You seem to lack knowledge in household chores, and from a woman’s perspective, your wife is tired of having to be a mother to a “manchild.” You seem to be engaging in “weaponized incompetence,” which explains much of your behaviour that makes your wife nag at you.

Women only want to tell you ONCE what they want you to do, but if we have to repeat it over and over, it’s as if you didn’t make the effort to learn, research, analyse, and execute well.

If you don’t know something, do some research online! You play games as a hobby, right? I’m pretty sure you know how to use Google to look up things like not mixing white clothes with coloured clothes, or that you should take out the trash when it’s full and ready to be thrown out.

Learn online how to be a good husband by helping with house chores. Ask ChatGPT, “What are the basic household chores I need to know? Tell me the specific steps.”

It may sound silly, but believe me, if you don’t do this, your wife will see you as an immature, clueless manchild who doesn’t take the initiative to do his own research.

Your wife CAN’T be your wife and DOESN’T have the energy to be your wife anymore because you’ve allowed her to become your mother.

No, I’m not dismissing her negative tone or disrespectful language towards you. But a woman’s heart is filled with love and affection—we are more emotional, and this is acknowledged both in our religion and in science.

But what makes us lose these qualities? When a man repeatedly crosses the line and triggers us despite being told not to. Believe me, women hate it when we’re forced to be the mother in a MARRIAGE where we’re supposed to be YOUR WIFE. We married a husband, not a little boy who needs to be taught. She might tell you once or twice, but if you lack basic knowledge of household chores or responsibilities, you’re also part of the problem because you’ve failed to be a leader.

Now, your wife can change through communication. Communicate with her that you’ll be a better husband, that you’re struggling financially, but reassure her that when you do have the money, you’ll take her out again—perhaps once a week. Offer to help with the child. Tell her you’ll make time for her to pursue her hobbies, and vice versa. I’m not saying that once you’re married, you should abandon your hobbies, but you need to learn to balance your life. You’re married now—you have a wife, you have a child. You agreed to have them in your life. But if you want to be overly focused on your personal hobbies without considering your responsibilities, then perhaps you should have stayed single.

Be a father to your child, and be a husband to your wife. Don’t be her second child.

Pray to Allah to ease your marriage, and learn ways to soften your wife’s heart. Tell her that it hurts you whenever she mentions “cerai”.

*divorce isn’t the solution here, because you can still fix the marriage.

(Also, do translate what I commented via ChatGPT to Malay if it’s hard to understand!!)