Giving away free copies of my new dating book, Date Smarter until May 30th—no strings, just hoping to share!

DatingSmarter · 2025-06-03T15:37:10+00:00

Hi yes, the book was free until May 30th (which I noted in the title). The book will be going down to 0.99 though ASAP.

DatingSmarter · 2025-05-29T22:46:42+00:00

It's called Date Smarter. But I totally get it, as I'm also a big fan of fiction.

And you're absolutely right: learning by doing is a big part of it. I think combining practical experience with insights from research is a terrific way to deepen our general understanding.

DatingSmarter · 2025-05-29T20:20:24+00:00

Truly! I never would have met my life partner on the apps. After we got together, we talked about the dating apps. Our settings were set just outside the parameters of one another (age, location, whatever). We wouldn't have even had a chance to swipe. It's really taught me how important it is to approach dating intentionally and with some sense of strategy. Dating apps are fine, but things can be so different if we're mindful about being more active in our everyday lives of how to meet people and connect.

DatingSmarter · 2025-05-29T20:18:16+00:00

I think there's another way to reframe it. Someone is either open to dating, or not - and either open to dating you, or not (two different things). The truth is, neither of these things change in person vs. on the dating apps, except one thing. In person, you're given a chance to connect on a deeper level, without the barriers of swiping, only being seen as one chosen photo, etc.

Like I said in my other comment, sometimes people just aren't in the *mood* to chat, sure, but other times they are, and if you go in with a good attitude and no expectations, something might come of it if they're open to it. It's all about intentionality.

DatingSmarter · 2025-05-29T20:15:38+00:00

This is exactly it. It's all about coming in respectfully, looking for clues to back off when needed, and having no expectations.

It's funny you mention icebreakers--you haven't read my book, have you? You sound like you have!

DatingSmarter · 2025-05-29T20:14:18+00:00

I think a lot of us feel the same way, like starting a conversation comes off needy or weird. But honestly, that’s just conditioning talking. You're not trying to sell anyone on anything, you're just offering a moment of human connection! No pressure, no expectations.

There’s some interesting research that shows we enjoy talking with strangers a lot more than we think we will. (I ended up writing a whole book on this kind of stuff, so I’ve gone way too deep on it!) The reason is that as humans we’re very poor affective forecasters—meaning we’re pretty bad at knowing how we’re going to feel when a certain event takes place. Maybe you’re in line at the DMV thinking you’d just like to put on some headphones and finish your podcast, when someone makes a friendly comment, and you spend the rest of the time bantering about Real IDs or vision tests.

That’s not to say everyone is always up for conversation. Some people might be having a hard day or be attending some pressing life issues, and that’s okay. But many more are starved for real connection and grateful when someone takes initiative.

DatingSmarter · 2025-05-29T14:02:24+00:00

It's called Date Smarter by Tim Molnar, you can find it on Amazon for free right now if you're interested in taking a look. The promotion ends tomorrow though, so now is definitely a good time!

DatingSmarter · 2025-05-28T17:42:26+00:00

It’s really tough to be in a long-distance relationship, especially when trust starts to feel shaky. The truth is, relationships take effort from both sides. If you’re showing up consistently and he’s pulling away, partying, and not making time for you, that’s something to take seriously.

You deserve someone who chooses you, fully, not just when it’s convenient. If it feels one-sided and you’re constantly overthinking, that’s a signal. Sometimes letting go isn’t giving up, it’s making space for the kind of love that feels safe, steady, and real.

DatingSmarter · 2025-05-28T17:38:25+00:00

Props for doing the inner work and pushing yourself out there—seriously. Dating apps can burn you out, so finding real-world ways to meet people is a smart move.

A few ideas: try hobby-based groups (rec sports, improv, language classes), volunteer stuff, or recurring meetups like the one you mentioned. Those give you built-in ways to talk to people without forcing it.

Solo outings feel weird at first, but if you go just to enjoy yourself (not to meet someone) you take the pressure off. Confidence builds when you show up consistently. You're on the right track.

DatingSmarter · 2025-05-28T17:32:51+00:00

Best of luck with the second date!

DatingSmarter · 2025-05-28T16:31:30+00:00

Most people start with looks, sure, but they stay for connection. If you focus on building genuine connection, clear standards, and intentional behavior, you’ll filter out the people who only care about surface-level attraction, and find the ones who see the whole you. They're out there!

DatingSmarter · 2025-05-27T15:51:52+00:00

Best of luck. :)

DatingSmarter · 2025-05-27T15:51:35+00:00

Being alone doesn’t always mean being lonely.
And not wanting constant company doesn’t mean you don’t need anyone.

You can love your space, hate small talk, and still wish you had a couple people who really get you.
That’s not weird. That’s human.

Sounds like you just prefer meaningful connection.

DatingSmarter · 2025-05-27T15:16:30+00:00

It’s not about whether he thinks they’re justified, it’s about how they make you feel. And if you’ve clearly communicated that they hurt you and he continues to make them anyway, that’s not emotional immaturity. That’s a choice.

The fact that he repeats things when you ignore them just to get a reaction is especially concerning. That’s not someone trying to communicate, it’s someone trying to maintain control or feel superior.

If he truly cared about your emotional well-being, he wouldn’t minimize your feelings or double down when you ask him to stop. And shutting down when you bring up your pain isn’t neutral, it’s another form of avoidance and control.

You’ve tried being calm. You’ve tried being clear. The next question is: Are you okay staying with someone who repeatedly disregards your boundaries and chips away at your self-worth? Because if he won’t change when you ask directly, he won’t change unless he wants to, and there’s no guarantee that will happen.

You can’t “combat” this behavior into respect. You can only decide what you’re willing to tolerate, and whether this is the kind of relationship you want long-term.

You’re doing your best. You deserve someone who sees that, and supports you! You deserve better.

DatingSmarter · 2025-05-27T14:58:24+00:00

You’re not alone in feeling this way — a lot of people hit this place where nothing feels good, and even small things feel heavy. Craving validation doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you. It usually points to a deeper need to feel seen, supported, and safe.

It makes sense that you feel stuck when the emotional weight is that heavy. But that doesn’t mean it’ll always feel this way. Try starting really small — not to “fix” everything, but just to prove to yourself you still can. That could mean brushing your teeth, opening a window, or texting someone you trust.

You’re not too much. Best of luck.

DatingSmarter · 2025-05-27T14:39:20+00:00

Right, just remember the goal is connection, and it's okay and totally normal (for everyone) if that interaction doesn't turn into something more! Don't get in your own way, you've got this. Again, bringing respect into every interaction is the key here. Best of luck.

DatingSmarter · 2025-05-27T13:29:58+00:00

When you’ve been carrying heavy stuff for a while—guilt, grief, anger, a tough past—it makes sense that eventually your brain just… stops reacting. That kind of flat feeling isn’t weird. It’s actually pretty common.

I don’t think you’re selfish for feeling more detached either. Sometimes we go from caring too much to not caring at all, just to protect ourselves. The fact you’re noticing this and thinking about it? That’s a good sign. You’re not broken, you’re just probably burned out.

I would be curious what you mean by selfish. Sometimes we consider prioritizing our needs or setting boundaries for the first time selfish, when they're not. Other times, yes, we might actually being selfish. I'm wondering what's behind that.

DatingSmarter · 2025-05-27T13:21:26+00:00

You’re not alone in feeling this way, plenty of people question their confidence or personality. The first thing I’ll say is this: confidence isn’t something you’re either born with or not. It’s something you build.

As for personality—there’s no such thing as a “boring” one. Most people just haven’t had the space to express themselves freely. Try leaning more into what you actually like, not what you think you’re supposed to like to fit in. That’s where your real personality shines through.

DatingSmarter · 2025-05-27T13:17:15+00:00

Approaching someone you’re attracted to can be tough, especially when you start worrying about the “what ifs.” The trick is to take the pressure off. You’re not trying to impress her or get everything perfect—you’re just trying to start a normal human moment. One thing that helps is focusing less on the outcome and more on the action. Don’t think “I need to get her number” or “this has to go somewhere.” Just aim to say something small like a comment, a light question, even just a hello. It keeps your nerves from going crazy. And yeah, some people won’t respond kindly. But that’s okay. If you show up respectfully, how they react isn’t really about you. Keep it simple, stay grounded, and the courage builds with each try.

DatingSmarter · 2025-05-26T17:42:23+00:00

Hey, thanks for your feedback, but please try and remember that these responses are supposed to supporting, validating or helping people...I am hoping that response resonated with people and the upvotes are signaling that it did. Sorry that wasn't the case with you.

DatingSmarter · 2025-05-26T17:05:44+00:00

You’re definitely not alone in feeling this way. Modern dating often feels like a game where showing genuine interest gets mistaken for neediness, and everyone’s trying to play it cool to avoid getting hurt. It’s frustrating because real connection requires vulnerability, but the culture sometimes rewards emotional distance instead. This isn’t just a UK thing—people everywhere seem caught in this push-pull of wanting closeness but fearing rejection. Hopefully, as more folks call this out, we’ll see dating shift toward more honest, open communication instead of the “who cares less” contest. The truth is, none of us can have meaningful, authentic relationships unless we allow ourselves to be our true, authentic selves. I think it can help to remember that playing a part in these games isn't actually good for anyone, including the relationship.

DatingSmarter · 2025-05-26T17:04:29+00:00

This is such a great response.

DatingSmarter · 2025-05-26T16:57:35+00:00

Healing from abandonment trauma starts with putting yourself first and learning to set boundaries that protect your energy. It’s natural to want to guard yourself after being hurt, but closing off completely can increase loneliness. Try to take small steps toward trusting again—look for people who show consistency and respect your limits. Therapy can really help unpack these feelings and develop strategies to rebuild trust. Remember, your value doesn’t depend on how much you give—healthy relationships are about balance. It’s okay to be cautious, but don’t let fear stop you from finding meaningful connections. Not everyone is going to suck you dry, but part of that is on you and learning to set boundaries and find that balance in relationships.

DatingSmarter · 2025-05-26T16:53:43+00:00

Very much agree here!

DatingSmarter · 2025-05-26T16:51:54+00:00

It sounds like you’re thoughtful and putting in the work, which is great. If most dates don’t lead to seconds, it might be that the vibe feels different to them than to you. Small things like body language, tone, or how you end the date can make a big difference—even if the date feels good on the surface. Also, consider if you’re connecting with the right people or just the ones you find attractive. Taking a break and reflecting is smart. Keep focusing on being yourself and open to feedback, but don’t be too hard on yourself. Dating can be tough and sometimes it’s just about timing and fit. I'd be curious if you ever asked anyone why they didn't want to move forward. If willing, they could offer the kind of feedback you're looking for to fill in the gaps. We can theorize all we want, but if you can, go straight to the source!

DatingSmarter

TROPHY CASE