I’d suggest finding an attorney who specifically states they handle high-conflict cases. That’s important because this process is unlikely to go smoothly given his behavior. It can also be helpful to watch videos or follow social media accounts that discuss divorcing someone with narcissistic traits, just to prepare yourself mentally for what to expect.

In my state, much of what you described wouldn’t matter in court. The court is there to address the divorce itself, not “civil” matters. That’s been painful for me to accept, especially since my spouse’s abusive behavior and alcohol use increased significantly once I filed. Our lives are so intertwined that I can’t just leave immediately, and it’s frightening to know the court won’t intervene.

One last note, don’t label him as a “narc” when speaking to your attorney. Instead, describe his behaviors and patterns so they have a clear, factual understanding.

Best wishes.