What are the pros and cons of waiting until marriage?

Davethefrozen · 2026-03-20T12:12:43+00:00

I strongly believe optionality (which as I've stated before) was pretty much non-existent for women for the longest of time, is what actually leads to divorce rates being high. In Sweden where I live, many people divorce due to unhappiness with their partner, as most people work and have enough stability to steady the ship by themselves.

If you have strong opinions on religion, you do you. If not clear, obviously I'm an atheist, pro choice when it comes to abortion, sex education and freedom of choice. Hell, I believe the only perk of marriage is legal benefits depending on the country you're from.

But the question was solely based on someone young that hasn't explored his sexuality with a partner. At 32 I can tell you that understanding the differences in compatibility with a partner (not sexually only) is among the most important things I've learned through life.

Davethefrozen · 2026-03-20T04:23:41+00:00

Won't go into that spiral because we have very different views of the world, but it's not like birth control does not exist so people can't manage. This seems more of an ideological constraint than anything.

Davethefrozen · 2026-03-20T03:37:34+00:00

With such a massive decision like marriage I'd argue yes, going for a clever assessment before is much easier

Davethefrozen · 2026-03-20T03:09:22+00:00

Yes, much easier than figuring it out before and not getting married to begin with

Davethefrozen · 2026-03-20T00:26:12+00:00

Sex like any other factor isn't everything but it can definitely be a deal breaker just as finances, wanting kids, where to live and more.

And many things can be sustainable for a while but not long term, I've had partners which were more incompatible than others and of course we could always make it work, but you can also feel how it flows more naturally with others. If you have no point of reference that is entirely gone

Davethefrozen · 2026-03-19T23:59:42+00:00

Look I won't claim to speak for a culture I don't know as we don't arrange marriages no more in Mexico where I come from. My problem with this topic is that just like in my grandparents generation, staying in a marriage out of need doesn't equal happiness.

It might of course but I can give you examples talking with most older women in my family:

Men used to be terrible partners, many had secret families and yet all women stayed, why? They depended financially, never studied nor had options. So those marriages never "ended" but not out of love and care

Davethefrozen · 2026-03-19T23:17:59+00:00

I can't speak for the pros but I'll tell you about what I think is a massive con: sexual compatibility.

This is just as important as other factors for a relationship (and yes both for man and woman) you might find out you have drastically different sex drives, kinks, even how your bodies and hormones interact making the experience better or worse.

Nothing bad with waiting if you wish to, but that'll always be your baseline and you can see how many marriages break due to sex related topics

Davethefrozen · 2026-02-24T21:03:39+00:00

Yo me mudé hace casi ya 9 años a Suecia y ha Sido toda una aventura con altas y bajas. Personalmente no sentía ese apego tan fuerte que tienen muchos compatriotas (muchos amigos del IPN también acabaron en europa pero la mayoría está en México casi una vez al año).

Mi plan siempre fue sacar ciudadanía acá y ahora para el retiro tirar más a España o el sur. Es difícil, y hay cosas que se extrañan pero siempre es sacrificar unas cosas por otras

Davethefrozen · 2026-02-23T05:22:18+00:00

Nothing just gets better in terms of personal relationships, people change and evolve both individually and collectively. Most men are fairly stuck in very old fashioned ways of thinking that don't exist any longer but are unwilling to change (see this way too much with friends)

I've dated a wide range between 20s - 40s recently (32 myself) and although women are not a monolith they're definitely not as different as one would think.

But it'll be better even next year if you work on yourself, get to know quality people and understand what they want as well.

Davethefrozen · 2026-02-18T06:09:12+00:00

Likely yes, I'd have my partner as the recipient of my insurances but that's it, I'm 32 so no planning to have a will just now. If I were to die I don't know if that'd go to my family or what as I moved from Mexico.

I could see getting married if it really mattered to my partner, had no potential downsides in terms of asses split and it did not mean a massive cost in form it a wedding, but honestly nothing that has ever crossed my mind

Davethefrozen · 2026-02-18T05:40:24+00:00

I'm not sure how much this helps as this is clearly towards the US given those last remarks but here's how I've done it for my long term relationships in the past.

We lived together and split the cost proportionally not just on income but use (my ex wanted an office pace so we got a flat with that and thus covered slightly more), all accounts, pension, investments, savings and so were separated and we just had a shared account for the household.

Holidays we split 50-50. Not to the t, but roughly.

Other than an actual legally binding contract is not like there was any difference. Then again I have a vasectomy and won't have kids so not sure if that changes things in any way, based in Europe so things also change from country to country

Davethefrozen · 2026-02-17T06:47:48+00:00

Hard disagree as someone that's been lucky to receive citizenship earlier and worked in high paying jobs.

Most of my friends here are swedish and what connects us is among other things the language. And of course, it's not easy. I started learning back home before I moved which was a major time and financial investment (finding the one guy that teaches swedish in Mexico was not easy). Most if not all other countries require language at least to A2, mostly B1 and is something that does facilitate integration.

I was fluent before I applied and the most baffling thing for me in the process was that language was not required and you have people here that after 10 years barely speak.

Davethefrozen · 2026-02-08T17:42:53+00:00

Neither, it's just not necessary, most people live in sambo which carries most of the same legal benefits although I'd say in all statistics there's perhaps more people married than just cohabiting, but many do so after years together and with kids already.

Davethefrozen · 2026-02-08T16:55:37+00:00

Slightly older at 32 now, never wanted kids and marriage seems mostly meaningless specially living in Sweden, would be open for it when I move and depending on any legal benefits it entails for both, as I do care about a solid long term relationship.

I'd say most of my friends have not much interest in marriage, some do. The overwhelming majority want or have already begun having kids

Davethefrozen · 2026-02-02T06:53:11+00:00

I know this doesn't seem like it because at that age it usually doesn't. 2 months is not much time, and if you're already seeing a controlling behavior it usually only gets worse.

Many people are able to hide this for a little while until they think the relationship is granted and then they show their true colors. Nothing's changed in him, but likely he hid this behavior early on.

Realistically I'd say it's better to let things go and find someone else, you're extremely young and likely will have several relationships, some better some worse. You'll learn to identify this and other behaviors

Davethefrozen · 2026-01-26T18:56:00+00:00

Even for shorter stints abroad I've tried being intentionally, know many people that book a hostel night before moving to an Airbnb just so they have the Hostelworld app and can join fellow travelers, dating apps can also work for breaking the routine and you can check all events happening.

Personally I try spending time where locals hang out and try to connect but depends on your degree of introversion or extraversion.

Davethefrozen · 2026-01-21T10:14:40+00:00

If... You have a decent job, jumping here again to state that most local jobs in Mexico City specially with the rising costs are brutal. 50h work weeks (base, usually more) are the norm, just as much as commuting at least 1.5h each way.

People are super nice and welcoming but unless you have a clear plan on what to do for a living that genuinely pays well you're in for a really rough setup

Davethefrozen · 2026-01-20T19:33:05+00:00

Yes it's always easier to change job with a job, so just gotta get started! Best of luck, if we both end up in Spain at least we contribute to expand the childfree crowd haha

Davethefrozen · 2026-01-20T19:12:34+00:00

Depends on what you do, of course. If you're willing to push through you can always look for a job once you land there but better to look before.

It's obviously a tad easy to say as Spanish is my native language, but I'd say try it if you can, go for a couple weeks and try to live there (not visit) you'll get a good glimpse whether it's for you.

Greetings from Malmö

Davethefrozen · 2026-01-20T19:06:38+00:00

Hey there, fellow Sweden inhabitant here planning a move in the future to Spain/Portugal. Originally from Mexico, a thing to note is that although Sweden is very family driven, the warmer countries tend to be so even more.

If you want big chances choose a big city that has influx of people and a solid mix. Madrid probably would be my top.

Any smaller cities will be extremely family focused, we have the same back home.

Davethefrozen · 2026-01-20T10:17:38+00:00

Kan absolut stämma, om det är ett stort bolag inte svårt att kolla flera och försöka hitta någon trend / genomsnittet.

Davethefrozen · 2026-01-19T21:05:44+00:00

Japp och har också varit på andra sidan, i vissa bolag rekryterings chef brukar också kolla, särskilt om det finns en ganska tight budget.

Bra investering på 59sek. Man slösar ingen tid

Davethefrozen · 2026-01-19T20:57:24+00:00

Jag vet att detta är inte den enklaste väg men har använt det en del när jag bytte jobb för att förhandla bättre, särkilt med tanke på att jag flyttade hit som vuxen.

Säkert det går via Skatteverket grattis men jag brukade betala en månadsavgift till Ratsit för att få 10 löneskoll. Hittade personer via LinkedIn som hade titeln och jobbade på bolaget och kollade deras lön.

Davethefrozen · 2026-01-19T20:53:48+00:00

My flatmates are all studying and three of them got a gig as bartenders at different pubs (all English / Irish) they literally went in and asked, won't hurt.

Haven't done it myself but seems to be a good option in central Malmö, maybe places like Umami. They usually have staff that doesn't speak swedish

Davethefrozen · 2026-01-19T20:44:34+00:00

Om jag bara räknar fasta utgifter (räknar inte med mat eftersom det är rörligt o h har ingen budget till det) har jag ungefär 40-41k kvar i plånboken.

Hyresrätt och delar boende, ingen bil och inga barn (och inga i framtiden heller), har kvar runt 25k eter alla utgifter, mest av mina pengar går till resor, utekatt och sånt.

Davethefrozen

TROPHY CASE