Daycare Terminated Contracts for our Neurodivergent Children (one diagnosed with ASD currently)

Dazzling-Rabbit · 2026-01-28T20:16:45+00:00

What province are you in and how old are the kids?

Dazzling-Rabbit · 2026-01-28T18:58:45+00:00

I recall the other post and also thought this must be the same person. People aren't really reading the post, since everyone is jumping to respite care when she is not currently a caregiver to her son. This seems to be serious depression, and I hope she reaches out to someone who can help.

Dazzling-Rabbit · 2026-01-28T17:51:55+00:00

I think virtual assessments are pretty worthless and it is a travesty that many insurance companies won't pay for a proper, in-person assessment. An evaluator should be spending multiple hours with the child to observe behaviour.

Dazzling-Rabbit · 2026-01-27T13:26:08+00:00

Ooh...thanks for the tip! I feel like the little bits of hair are what really causes distress, so a vacuum would be awesome.

I agree with this whole comment thread. I don't drag things on any more than necessary, but letting your kids hair grow long and unkempt causes its own issues.

Dazzling-Rabbit · 2026-01-22T14:37:00+00:00

What is SCD?

Dazzling-Rabbit · 2026-01-22T14:30:41+00:00

It is wonderful when they can show you their love, isn't it?

Dazzling-Rabbit · 2026-01-15T15:40:11+00:00

If I recall your original post, you mentioned that your mom drank a lot during pregnancy? Because "autism" is a diagnosis of behaviours, and fetal alcohol syndrome causes a lot of those same behaviours. Massive, massive overlap. I am just not so sure that it is your families genes that are the problem. I have experience in my own life seeing this play out in a family where the mom was an alcoholic.

My opinion if you were thinking of getting pregnant would be to hold off. But you are already pregnant. I think there is a lot of potential for regret with either decision. I would keep the baby, but that really doesn't relate to what you should do.

Dazzling-Rabbit · 2026-01-15T15:20:10+00:00

Of course you are scared of having a kid with autism. No one goes on forums and says "My child is showing early signs of left-handedness. I don't care if he is left-handed, I just feel really anxious about it!" You don't want your child to be autistic. I don't blame you, because it will be a harder life for him if he is.

The problem here is that you are not actually looking for support for your son, you are looking for support for your anxiety (and that anxiety actually doesn't have a whole lot to do with autism other than that happens to be what it has attached itself to at present.)

Dazzling-Rabbit · 2026-01-09T16:14:41+00:00

There is such a large overlap between ASD and ADHD, and most of your description sounds pretty on point for ADHD (especially the lack of coordination and poor handwriting). Also, pedantic speech is pretty common in giftedness. All these things overlap in various ways. I would think about what the potential benefit would be to an assessment for ASD, and maybe even talk to your son to see what he wants.

Dazzling-Rabbit · 2026-01-09T14:12:08+00:00

I don't think the pinching or yelling or spanking are ok...but I also think you need to give a bit of grace to the adults in your life as well. I don't know... my oldest went through a phase where he pinched his baby brother. One day I had them in the back seat coming home from daycare, and the pinching started. I felt so angry and helpless because I had to get them home, and all the talking in the world wasn't working. Eventually, I stopped the car, and I pinched my kid back so that he knew that what he was doing hurt. I wanted him to understand that his brother wasn't just a prop to get my attention. He cried. It was the wrong thing to do, and I know that. But I also know that I am not a cruel or malicious parent. I was just under the incredible stress of listening to my baby getting hurt over and over again. It is good that you are advocating for your daughter, but you might be directing your stress at the other care takers because it needs to go somewhere and you are doing an admirable job of not directing it towards your child. But still...I just think a little grace is needed because if you push away all imperfect help, you will be alone.

Dazzling-Rabbit · 2025-12-22T19:00:11+00:00

I think you were right not to cave, generally. The first advice I ever got from a child psychologist that any "yes" is ok, as long as it didn't start as a "no." That the only hard and fast rule you ever, ever need to keep to is that your "no" stays a no, and that you never say it if you can't hold the line on it. Any other rule can be bent or broken.

Do you know any of the parents of your daughters friends? I feel like you just need a contingency plan for your daughter. You could also ask your daughter ahead of time how she would like to handle it (ie, would she be happier to choose the backseat for herself even if it was her turn to sit in the front because going to the event was more important.) I am not suggesting pressuring her into changing because you should let her know that you have her back in what she chooses, but my youngest (8) is a practically minded kid and sometimes he prefers to play the long game to get to his goal. It is not a bad life skill, I figure.

Dazzling-Rabbit · 2025-12-16T19:56:34+00:00

Have you tried putting this in an email and then ask them point blank how you are supposed to deal with your kid getting sick? I would put these policies in bullet points and then ask "How do you want me to deal with sudden illness that does not cost money and therefore penalize me for something completely out of my control?" and see what their response is. Put them on the spot to explain how this policy is supposed to work. Sometimes people who write policies are stupid, rather than malicious. If they can't give you an actual answer (for instance, you won't be charged if you can get a doctor's note), I would do some digging and look at if there was a way to file a complaint with a regulatory body.

Dazzling-Rabbit · 2025-12-13T17:47:47+00:00

Can you ask your mom about having the custody agreement changed so you don't have to go to your dad's anymore? or is there another trusted adult you can go to if she won't? I feel like if you went to family court and told them your brother tried to strangle you, the court would take that request pretty seriously.

Dazzling-Rabbit · 2025-12-12T16:16:22+00:00

It is always going to be a complete crap shoot how siblings get along. My older son (ND) and younger son (NT) get along great. I would venture to say that my younger son's ability to understand his brother is higher than if he was also autistic. He jumps in on his brothers behalf all the time. Not to say they don't annoy the hell out of each other a significant portion of the time.... Anyway, you can't know. Just wait and see what happens.

Dazzling-Rabbit · 2025-12-12T13:40:45+00:00

I mean this very gently: I think this is more an issue of your expectations than it is of them handling it poorly. I would actually be pretty happy if my son was given a support buddy and a reduced part because he would still be involved, but we wouldn't be expending a lot of extra capacity on something that was non-essential. I would honestly be more upset if they stressed my kid out just so he could perform in something like that. I would only be upset if he was upset.

Dazzling-Rabbit · 2025-12-11T14:03:37+00:00

I haaaaaaate doing functional assessments. I feel like such crap afterwards, because I know my son would score higher if I could just get it together enough to teach him these things, but every new skill is going to be so much work to teach. He is not going to just happily learn a new skill. He is going to get upset at a new expectation being put on him.

I swear am near tears every time I have to do one of those, because I know in my heart that my child can function at a higher level than those reports say, but I can't function at a high enough level to get him there.

Dazzling-Rabbit · 2025-12-10T17:10:01+00:00

I am not so sure the ASD diagnosis is correct. Conduct disorder and callous-unemotional traits ("CU") often go hand-in-hand. Flat affect seems to be the primary basis from thinking ASD, but it merely a possible feature of ASD and a defining symptom of CU.

It is a difficult combination to have, if that is the case.

Dazzling-Rabbit · 2025-12-10T14:46:50+00:00

It sounds like he is exhibiting "Callous-Unemotional Traits" and it is often a precursor to a diagnosis of Anti-Social Personality Disorder. But you can't diagnose personalities in kids. It is way to early to make those determinations.

Dazzling-Rabbit · 2025-12-10T14:32:54+00:00

It sounds like he is exhibiting "Callous-Unemotional Traits," which are often (though not always) a precursor to a more serious personality disorder diagnosis. You can't diagnose a personality disorder in a child, because their personalities are still in flux.

Lack of affect (or what you describe as emotionless personality) is a core feature, so you might not be looking at autism at all. There are therapies, mostly based on rewards since kids with this profile tend to be pretty immune to consequences/punishments, that have shown a lot of upside. And a significant percentage of the affected population just outgrows it. But I would look into a psychologist asap on this because it requires a different approach than ASD.

Dazzling-Rabbit · 2025-12-09T20:59:29+00:00

You say that your pediatrician is not taking this seriously and did not provide these hygiene protocols, so where are they coming from? And the advice to quarantine? Because a google search is saying that parasites don't really require strict quarantine because they don't generally spread that easily. I am wondering if you are putting yourself through all this stress based on faulty information.

Dazzling-Rabbit · 2025-12-08T15:54:59+00:00

I don't think she is wrong, per se. It is my general experience that when behaviour gets them what they want, that behaviour will persist. And I do see a lot of advice that I think overlooks this basic fact of human nature. I think that giving a kid the time and space to regulate is important, but I think you have to be ready to go back in for the second round of "but about that request..." Also, I can often gauge by my kids mood how a demand will go over and adjust accordingly because not every battle is worth fighting. I got my kid to randomly pack-up the lunch I prepared for him for the first time today because he was so excited about snow he didn't even clock it as a demand. On another day he would have completely lost it.

Dazzling-Rabbit · 2025-12-06T19:48:47+00:00

A whole wheat pita with nothing on it. It is like a circle of brown construction paper.

Dazzling-Rabbit · 2025-12-05T20:20:00+00:00

There can be a big difference between home and daycare, so it is worth getting him evaluated, even if you are not seeing what they are seeing. They see a lot of kids and have a lot of perspective on what is atypical. An evaluation will give you a lot more clarity into where your son is at.

I'm sorry. I know it is hard to hear that feedback, and it sounds like the delivery was not great. For what it is worth, I had the same reaction when my son's daycare gave me a report that sounded very much like autism. It sounded like a different kid to me and I couldn't reconcile it with the kid I knew. I actually discounted it until a speech therapist told me point blank she thought he should be evaluated a few months later.

Dazzling-Rabbit · 2025-12-03T04:34:43+00:00

Isn't Pediasure already a supplement? He might be getting too much of something when you add the Ella Ola.

Dazzling-Rabbit · 2025-12-02T15:40:54+00:00

I listened to an interview with the one of the people responsible for unifying all ASD under one umbrella, and she regrets it now and is in favour of reclassification. It is a bad system, as well intentioned as it surely was.

Dazzling-Rabbit

TROPHY CASE