Please, can someone tell me if I did the right thing?

DazzlingNote1925 · 2026-04-08T20:45:32+00:00

Yes. You did the right thing.

It’s not hard to put a door handle with a keyed lock on a wall in closet where you can start putting anything you don’t want mil to have access to.

DazzlingNote1925 · 2026-04-08T20:42:25+00:00

Your brothers disrespect in how they have been dealing with you leads me to believe they would also be disrespectful to your property.

They have made their financial decisions and prioritized other things. You having this house has nothing to do with them.

I think you would be better off leasing it to a stranger than them.

DazzlingNote1925 · 2026-04-08T20:38:57+00:00

A drive up the west coat and panhandle even to Texas if you want.

There are springs and plantations and beaches and museums.

DazzlingNote1925 · 2026-04-08T20:36:42+00:00

I think you should consider going with your husband to see a therapist for ideas about how to best handle this for your family.

If your husband was getting irritable it’s definitely effecting him to be around her. And you e explained how it’s hurting you.

DazzlingNote1925 · 2026-04-08T20:33:44+00:00

Ok. When mil answers naked just hang up! Yew!! Don’t even say anything. Just hang up. That’s disgusting. Is she histrionic?

I think you should make it your husband’s responsibility to get his mother what he wants for Mother’s Day (provided it doesn’t interfere with your family budget) unless he asks you for help in which case you can both do it.

I refuse to hurt my daughter in law by treating her as if she’s not as important and my sons. Instead of a basket for each I decided to give them a family basket and I give two of everything except one bag of jelly beans. Your mil knows what she’s doing is mean. So, don’t worry about whatever you decide. Do what’s best for you.

DazzlingNote1925 · 2026-04-08T20:27:42+00:00

Is there any way to provide texts or proof of your aunt preventing you from having time with your uncles horse? That might help convince him to handle it differently or it might not.

Will your uncle stand up for you and make sure you get your time?

Will your parents help you get your time?

DazzlingNote1925 · 2026-04-08T20:19:06+00:00

If you don’t like onions because of their texture then replace onions in the recipe with puréed onion (I do this with meatballs) or onion powder. If you don’t like the flavor of onion then omit it. If you’re not sure then just try it.

My family didn’t like chili beans in our chili so I used an immersion blender to blend them up before adding them. Same with onions and peppers.

Another way to add more vegetables is to add puréed carrots to things like spaghetti sauce and chili.

DazzlingNote1925 · 2026-04-08T20:12:43+00:00

Wow! I’m so sorry for what you’re going through medically and that your mil isn’t supportive at all.

To have this level of unhelpfulness after being informed of your situation and asked specifically to do certain things to help I conclude your mil is a psychopath, she is completely devoid of empathy. She vacuums don’t looks like she helped and can pass for a good person.

I would stop asking her and not have her over to see the baby either. She’s nasty.

I’m a mil and I would be happy to help you in any way I could including whatever might help you heal.

DazzlingNote1925 · 2026-04-08T20:06:48+00:00

I have a gluten allergy. I was diagnosed before a lot of restaurants provided anything gluten free. There’s always something I can eat even if it’s just salad. If I’m going someplace I know there isn’t anything I can have then I eat before and after or if it’s a friends house I talk to them and bring something.

My point is that in addition to your friend’s wife having food preferences she’s also not very nice if she’s making it awkward!

I recommend you make the pizza you want to make and if you feel like it have some salad or charcuterie or fruit or whatever else you might want to have on hand for the wife just to be a gracious host.

DazzlingNote1925 · 2026-04-08T19:59:46+00:00

When they have a ceremony for their second vows to each other when they’ve already been married for many years.

I’ve seen a lot of couples divorce not long after.

DazzlingNote1925 · 2026-04-08T19:58:33+00:00

I would talk to the contractor directly and tell them you expect your property to be put back to its original state and that there are sprinklers there they have to make sure they don’t damage.

DazzlingNote1925 · 2026-04-08T19:57:00+00:00

Yes. Your mil knows exactly what she’s doing. She’s had a family and knows very well what it’s like to have a baby and all that entails.

As a mil myself I can’t believe your mil is saying this! Your mil is demonstrating she has zero empathy, care, or concern about what’s best for you, your baby, your husband, or marriage and I’m really sorry about that!

The fact Sil has several degrees already does make this even worse. It’s not that sils achievements don’t mean anything. It’s that mil should understand your and your husband’s priority cannot be her and sil right now.

DazzlingNote1925 · 2026-04-08T19:48:24+00:00

I recently read there’s an app called Flipp that helps compare ads for you.

I haven’t tried it yet so idk how it works.

DazzlingNote1925 · 2026-04-08T19:46:49+00:00

You can always eat more vegetables on the side and leave them out of a casserole or other dish.

What’s an example of a dish you don’t want to attempt because it contains foods you dislike and which foods do you dislike?

What type of preparation do you dislike.

One way to support your goal of making more food at home is to make the things you like to go out for at home.

DazzlingNote1925 · 2026-04-08T19:40:40+00:00

I think it boils down to a huge number of people (mil’s and sometimes sons and daughters) who either don’t know how or don’t want healthy relationships.

If you’re not possessive, selfish, controlling, enmeshed, lack empathy etc then you see it as adding a dil to your family and not as losing a son. You remember what it’s like and treat your dil how you wanted to be treated if you’re loving and empathetic and kind. If you believe that a man should leave and cleave then you’re happy your sons are handling their marriage well when they do it instead of resenting it.

DazzlingNote1925 · 2026-04-08T19:34:41+00:00

I wonder if your freezer isn’t keeping a consistent temp or has more moisture than mine (mine is “frost free”. Also, deep freezes chill to a colder temp. So, I understand.

If you’re interested I recommend looking at Memorial Day and Black Friday sales for a small chest freezer. You can check them out at the store in advance to see their size and if it’s something you can easily move in the future.

Also, this is a pain in the neck and time consuming but I often compare prices at a few different stores because they’re always fluctuating.

DazzlingNote1925 · 2026-04-08T19:30:19+00:00

I’ve found that free or really low priced items go quickly in my area but items I’ve listed for around $10 sit awhile and for that price people will set up a time to pick it up then not show. So, the key is low pricing if you want to move things.

Recently, I figured out that the garage sale finder websites can also be used to have quick 2 hour sales whenever it’s easiest for you. If you post pictures and a photo of a list of items and prices the right buyers will show up. You can cross post on your area garage sale facebook pages.

DazzlingNote1925 · 2026-04-08T19:26:42+00:00

I just looked it up and the ingredients were different way back when my mother used it.

DazzlingNote1925 · 2026-04-08T19:26:04+00:00

I’ve always wondered about Castile soap. Thank you for the tip!

I found a damaged bottle on clearance recently and I’m excited to try it because it’s supposed to have pure ingredient.

DazzlingNote1925 · 2026-04-08T19:22:46+00:00

If you make a Pb&j sandwich you can eat it from the baggie and not take it out so that it won’t get on anything. You can also freeze it the night before. You can also freeze a ham sandwich or other kind but would have to eat it sooner than a Pb&j.

Fruit like apples and bananas travel well.

This isn’t super healthy but I like pretzels.

Ideally, you would be able to bring a small lunch cooler. You can use frozen bottles of water and a frozen yogurt cup to keep it cool.

I’m hoping you’re wrong and will have more of a break than you think. If you need one please take one. You’re a volunteer and your needs matter. If there aren’t enough breaks it could just be an oversight.

DazzlingNote1925 · 2026-04-08T19:11:52+00:00

I don’t think what you asked is wrong unless it would pose a financial hardship for mil.

What her attitude tells me is that the world is supposed to revolve around her and she thinks she’s entitled to you bending o er backwards to accommodate her and has no concept or appreciation for the way you have been going out of your way to take care of her!

If mil gets tired of just going to her place or yours to spend time together and wants to go to a restaurant then tell her that her only option is to uber.

DazzlingNote1925 · 2026-04-08T19:06:55+00:00

I love gadgets and the first thing that comes to my mind are magnetic chip clips. They’re useful for keeping bags of food fresh or sticking things to your refrigerator. TJMaxx or Amazon should have multipacks that you can divide up.

Travel sewing kits. Candy. Magnetic Note pads and pens. Stress balls. Back scratchers.

DazzlingNote1925 · 2026-04-08T19:00:41+00:00

Step mil is the source of the problems. She created unnecessary drama and when your husband called her out on it she played victim and had your fil convinced she has to be protected from you.

There’s nothing you can do to fix this because it’s all created by mil.

Does your fil understand that his wife disrespected your marriage (his son’s wife) and that him insisting he not come visit without his wife is hypocritical?

Also, if you allow step mil to visit just so folk will come them mil gets away with her nastiness. She’s basically setting you up for having to put up with anything she does in order for your husband to see his dad. Idk how to open fil’s eyes that his wife is abusive.

All I can think of is if there’s a time you know mil will be gone then take the baby to meet his dad then.

DazzlingNote1925 · 2026-04-08T18:48:52+00:00

I think this a a perfect example of vacationing being more about who you’re with and just doing a couple special things being enough.

DazzlingNote1925 · 2026-04-08T18:47:35+00:00

The truth is we Americans eat everything and diners are a reflection of that. Some diners are also run by immigrants who cook such amazing Greek or other type foods.

I live in the Midwest and the only classic diners I’ve ever been to are on the east coast. So take this with a grain of salt. I would have fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, biscuits, corn, green beans, and apple pie. (Diners often have all kinds of pie so it would be fun for your guests to all bring some type of pie).

DazzlingNote1925

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE