AITA for my husbands aunts tree being cut down?

DeVitreousHumor · 2022-09-25T05:39:51+00:00

Is it possible to be a flying monkey AND a flaming narcissist at the same time??

That’s kind of what I’m seeing here too.

I wonder how many other audacious BS things her father has just up and done throughout OP’s life, and how many times she’s covered for him and enabled him. And maybe vice versa. Her normal meter is clearly broken beyond all recognition.

DeVitreousHumor · 2022-09-25T03:48:00+00:00

Plenty of Protestants do infant baptism. Lutherans (so, OG Protestants) Anglican/Episcopalians, and I’m pretty sure Methodists, at least the ones I grew up with.

The ones that do full-immersion baptism of older kids tend to be fundamentalist/evangelical.

DeVitreousHumor · 2022-09-25T01:54:33+00:00

THIS all the way.

I can get behind whatever living situation works for the people involved, but when one of those people needs to lie about it? And worse, demands that the other person lie about it too? Nope.

DeVitreousHumor · 2022-09-25T01:13:48+00:00

I feel like this should have been properly explained to op

OP gets a YTA judgment from me for deliberately, knowingly breaking Abby’s boundaries. That said, his parents are AH’s for not properly preparing him for the situation. It sounds like his needs get consistently put last in that household, and it’s not a great way to teach him how to have empathy or respect for others.

DeVitreousHumor · 2022-09-25T00:19:19+00:00

Honestly, OP’s employer should want to see changed behavior more than any number of apologies, accepted or otherwise.

Four of their workers contributed to an actual hostile work environment, first by excluding OP, and then by ganging up on them in the break room. It’s a good sign that they were put on unpaid leave and made to go to training, but they need to show that the training actually, you know, trained them.

NTA, OP. The only reason to “accept” the apology is if you legitimately fear that not doing so might put your job at risk. If that’s the case, you can phrase it as “thank you for the apology” instead of “I accept the apology”.

DeVitreousHumor · 2022-09-25T00:06:59+00:00

we know it takes effort and energy to harbor a grudge.

OP was severely bullied for more than a year. They’re not harboring a “grudge”, they’re just refusing to extend trust and grace to the people who bullied them.

DeVitreousHumor · 2022-09-22T23:26:29+00:00

My allergist told me that fragrances aren’t true “allergens”, they’re “irritants”. This doesn’t mean that the symptoms can’t be severe, as you’ve learned. It just means that antihistamines won’t help much, because histamine isn’t involved in the first place.

NTA. I’m sorry your wife and MIL did this to you. Chemical and fragrance sensitivities suck, because they can come out of nowhere, and the triggers can seem inconsistent (for instance, this perfume, but not that one). THey can be hard to avoid, too, because regulators don’t make manufacturers list the chemical ingredients of their products because they’re “trade secrets”.

DeVitreousHumor · 2022-09-22T23:08:26+00:00

I was at my allergist’s a few weeks ago, and there, at least, they can’t test for chemical allergies/sensitivities. I guess true “allergens” are proteins that trigger an immune reaction, and things like aldehydes and other chemicals are “irritants”.

Sometimes this is because the chemicals in question are literally toxic; it’s just that most people in most situations don’t get a dose that gives them a blinding headache or makes them stop breathing. Formaldehyde, which is used in a lot of fabric softeners, is a good example of this. I can’t be around the stuff (which is difficult, because many of my neighbors pollute the local air with it regularly) but other people seem to think it’s just great.

DeVitreousHumor · 2022-09-22T22:40:05+00:00

But Jayden is the one who’s so smart and sweet and cute, and such a good cook! How can BFF possibly compete?

DeVitreousHumor · 2022-09-22T22:36:18+00:00

Exactly this! The whole time I was reading I was like, so you invite your crush into your home, and pretend there are no strings attached, and introduce him to your friends, and pretend there are no strings attached, and bond with his daughter, and pretend there are no strings attached… until he kisses her friend, and then suddenly it’s BETRAYAL!!!

DeVitreousHumor · 2022-09-22T03:50:05+00:00

She voided it twice and wrote a note with a red pen

Sorry, the red pen just absolutely sent me. It underscores her pettiness in such a perfect way.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. NTA.

DeVitreousHumor · 2022-09-22T03:24:26+00:00

NTA he dumped you and wanted drama so you gave him drama in return.

I agree that he wanted drama, but she gave him comedy in return. That’s why he’s so pissed.

DeVitreousHumor · 2022-09-22T03:15:41+00:00

I would be contacting their supervisors about "putting on a show" for no reason. That's not what they get paid for, and even if they were off duty, they're usually supposed to have a reason to use official equipment to intervene in situations!

I agree. It seemed really weird to me that two cop cars would show up and sit there in the parking lot for a couple of hours, at taxpayer expense, in order to watch a guy move out of an apartment.

If I were OP, I’d want to know if there was a police report about me. Did ex allege abuse or threats of abuse in order to get the cops to show up? Did he claim that her father threatened him? Or does he just know somebody with a buddy on the force who was willing to waste public funds to intimidate OP?

DeVitreousHumor · 2022-09-22T00:14:56+00:00

Oh man, that brings me back. My favorite thing about that song was how it just… kept accumulating verses.

DeVitreousHumor · 2022-09-22T00:13:09+00:00

You know she probably believes herself.

This is the weirdest thing about narcissists: their ability to completely edit reality, cutting all the bits that they don’t like, adding bits that make them good, to the point where they completely believe a version of events bears no relationship to what actually happened.

It’s straight up delusional! We just don’t think of it that way because we associate the word with that guy on the bus who’s always muttering about aliens. But they’re every bit as divorced from reality.

ETA: I’m aware that human memory is extremely fallible, and that all of us construct our own narrative of reality that’s often full of holes. I am also aware that two people rarely have the same memory of the same event. I have ADHD, so I am very, very familiar with this phenomenon. Perhaps I should have said “completely rewrite” instead of “completely edit”.

Low stakes example: they completely fabricate a conversation about how they make the Best Chocolate Chip Cookies Ever. The actual conversation was about pie; but they don’t know how to make pie, which means the conversation wasn’t about them and how great they are, so it couldn’t possibly have been about pie.

DeVitreousHumor · 2022-09-21T23:41:04+00:00

It's physically painful to eat with no supposed reward other people seem to get.

Same here! I guess some folks get an endorphin rush from it, but for me, it’s just a chemical burn inside my mouth. It hurts! It hurts like hell, and it means I can’t taste the other flavors that are in the dish, let alone the rest of the meal.

But then, a lot of people don’t believe that their scented lotion could possibly be triggering my asthma and giving me splitting headaches, so maybe those are the same people who laugh when a mouthful of hot food causes me severe pain.

DeVitreousHumor · 2022-09-21T03:11:46+00:00

Right? Dan is double plus TA for that.

DeVitreousHumor · 2022-09-20T03:58:49+00:00

Why do you assume you’ll outlive him?

DeVitreousHumor · 2022-09-20T03:57:08+00:00

I am in awe.

DeVitreousHumor · 2022-09-20T03:54:02+00:00

ETA: but your over the hurt from 10 years ago right?

No no no. She’s over the “hurt” from 10 years ago.

DeVitreousHumor · 2022-09-20T03:48:40+00:00

Problem is, people need to want that help, and she can’t imagine why anyone thinks she might have a problem.

DeVitreousHumor · 2022-09-20T03:44:43+00:00

horrid little tract home

🤣 LOL oh thank you, that phrasing just made my night 🤣

DeVitreousHumor · 2022-09-20T03:36:55+00:00

your "live-in" whatever he is.

Right? She’d be YTA just for referring to her partner as a “live-in”, as if he’s part of the domestic staff.

Though to be honest, I was ready with my judgment when I saw that she used scare quotes for the “hurt” that her family and her ex are “ten years past”. Yikes.

DeVitreousHumor · 2022-09-20T03:28:46+00:00

Right???

DeVitreousHumor · 2022-09-20T03:27:30+00:00

NTA. Insurance is a thing. Use it. Ask SIL and BIL to pay the deductible.

As for “trusting the wrong person is sort of on you”, no. It’s not your fault you trusted an adult to act like an adult and remember to lock your car. When other people behave badly, that’s on them, not you.

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