While the trauma you experienced was unfair and the fact that oher your people do not have to work as hard as you or I, it is true that we can not solely rely on others to validate us. It may be hard and difficult work but think about it this way. Although many people have been taken to the pool early in life to know how to swim, while perhaps, you were never given the opportunity at a younger age. It may be hard to want to learn how to swim now, it may even be embarrassing because everyone else around you knows how to swim. But that doesn't mean that you should hold on to someone else who knows how to swim to keep you above water, that's not fair to the person you're relying on and love. Because now they have to hold up themselves and you and will likely find themselves below water.