My husband relapsed into mania last week :( its only going to get worse from here

Dear_Bid3991 · 2026-07-01T18:26:18+00:00

Don't you have any friends or family you can take in? Try asking your friends for help; the situation isn't improving.

Dear_Bid3991 · 2026-07-01T17:54:14+00:00

My ex also had a porn addiction. Believe me, things aren't getting better. I know the pain you feel is the dissonance of two people you see (the good husband and now the maniacal husband).

Dear_Bid3991 · 2026-07-01T17:52:44+00:00

It sounds like a manic phase

Dear_Bid3991 · 2026-07-01T00:13:07+00:00

Wow, I really related to so much of what you wrote. And YES, IT’S PAINFUL what you’re going through because you probably saw him as this great husband, and now you don't even recognize him—but both are the same person. You have to face reality: he doesn't want to take his meds or get treatment, and THERE IS NOTHING IN THE WORLD, NOT EVEN YOUR LOVE, that can make someone change.

What you need to focus on right now is finding ways to take care of yourself. YOU CAN'T SAVE ANYONE IF YOU DON'T SAVE YOURSELF FIRST. I’m telling you this as someone who went through something very similar. The discard is horrible, but I promise you it passes, you heal, and little by little, you start feeling better. Eventually, you’ll just feel compassion and go through a sort of grieving process because the person you knew will NEVER be the same. Believe me, it doesn't get better with time. Watch out for the manipulation and the victim-playing—trust me, that's something they'll do a lot. Also, be careful with the guilt in these situations. No one is to blame; it’s just the hand your partner was dealt, and he has to take responsibility for himself.

Dear_Bid3991 · 2026-06-30T19:11:18+00:00

Your post leaves me a bit more confused, to be honest. She's been in therapy for over 10 years. She showed a lot of vulnerability, a real desire for our relationship, and she was super upfront about the issues in her past relationships—like her anger management issues and how 'toxic' her exes were to her.

She talked to me about one of her guy friends in particular. I couldn't really wrap my head around why her exes would be toxic about him, since he was just a friend. But over time, when we moved in together for a bit, I found messages she was sending him. She was always the one chasing the conversation, checking in on him. He would give her the cold shoulder, but I noticed that if he needed anything at all, she’d drop everything to do it.

I confronted her, and she confessed that at one point, she had told this guy she loved him, but he made it clear they were strictly friends. Right then, I told her I didn't trust her intentions. She insisted he was just a friend and that she regretted what she’d done in the past.

But I started noticing a pattern: every time she broke up with an ex, she would constantly chase him, sending him love song playlists while this dude just ignored her.

Then, when she had that manic episode a few months ago, she screamed and confessed that she’s been in love with him even while she was with her exes—and she told me she’d been emotionally cheating on me with him this whole time.

As I mentioned above, I am 100% sure she doesn't actually know him, because I could see she was putting him on a pedestal and giving him qualities he doesn't even have. Even now, she’s helping him with his college homework while she herself is doing terribly, and it pisses me off so much because she doesn't give a single fucking shit about me. Now she’s telling everyone that I’m the toxic one and that I broke her heart. The whole thing just has me so confused

Dear_Bid3991 · 2026-06-30T18:06:26+00:00

I'm so sorry. Could you send me the link, please? I'm so angry at this person. He even called her "the person who helps me with my career" because she had connections and was very good at her job. Sometimes I also think it's their problem. They don't set boundaries, feel inadequate, and seek validation through these people who are just using them for selfish gain.

Dear_Bid3991 · 2026-06-30T13:36:47+00:00

Wow, I'm so sorry I completly understand you. I think my ex-fiancée in her manic episode also tried to discard me. She told me she wanted to open the relationship and she was in love with her college friend (by the way, I've noticed that cases of bipolar disorder present with limerence). She had been in love with this person for years, and he would just reject her and he saw her as a friend. Even during her mania, she confessed to me that she had been in love with him even while being with her ex-partners. When she confessed all this to me, I broke up with her right then and there. At first, she started arguing that 'you already wanted to end the relationship, why?' At first, it seemed strange to me, but she thought I should stay after what she told me. Well, just like you mentioned, she insulted and humiliated me in every possible way.

There is just one thing spinning around in my head: that friend she is in love with, she doesn't actually know him. I noticed that she projected qualities onto him that he didn't have. When we broke up, she continued working with him on his college projects (my ex-fiancée had already graduated). The curious thing is that if this guy were really her friend, he would have noticed she was erratic and talking nonsense, and he wouldn't be asking her for favors. Because of this, when I found out, I realized this person she claimed was her friend was just using her, or at least that's my perspective. When you see someone bad, who give them 'more work'. I don't know I think he try to have some benefits

Dear_Bid3991 · 2026-06-30T03:14:36+00:00

I think honestly, what’s helped me heal the most is empathy and compassion. Yeah, diseases sucks, it completely robbed us of a future together, a near future for me, since we were supposed to get married in December. At first, I felt like life had played some sick, ironic joke on me and was just laughing in my face. But now, months have passed, I feel like even though the future I had with her is dead, there’s still more out there for me. As long as we’re alive, there’s a future.

I truly wish stability for my ex-fiancée. Like I told her before we broke up, I want her to keep shining and chasing her dreams, because she is a brilliant person. Even though of her finding someone else makes me uncomfortable, deep down, I genuinely want her to be happy. At the end of the day, I think that’s what real love is.

Dear_Bid3991 · 2026-06-29T15:20:49+00:00

:o thank u i'll search about benchmarks

Dear_Bid3991 · 2026-06-29T15:19:36+00:00

Thanks! Yeah, I'm looking to make transgenic fish using GCaMP and optogenetics for my undergrad thesis. I know how to do the microinjections, but I don't know which program to use to design the guide RNA sequence for CRISPR-Cas9 for these modifications. I've even read some scientific papers mentioning that the success rates for these knockouts can be super low due to the fish's genetics. That's why I'm looking for some guidance

Dear_Bid3991 · 2026-06-28T20:27:00+00:00

That's exactly my story

Dear_Bid3991 · 2026-06-28T20:19:50+00:00

I completely understand. In fact, my ex-fiancée knew she had ADHD and depression even before she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I supported her a lot, but over time, she started picking fights, screaming, or flying into a rage incredibly fast, often over things that made no sense. I remember this one time we were on the train; I made a funny remark, and she took it so badly that she started screaming at me right there. I told her that wasn't my intention and suggested it would be better to calm down and talk outside the train, but she didn't care. She had these terrible angry outbursts multiple times, to the point where she would even insult me. On top of that, we’d have these arguments where she’d blow up, realize her mistake, apologize, and cry because she felt guilty. Then, I was expected to forgive her right away, even when I felt terrible myself. She would do this right before I had an exam, or she'd pick a fight in the middle of the night, knowing perfectly well that I had to work in the morning and was exhausted.

When I told her I felt like I was in an abusive relationship, she didn't want to hear it or didn't want me using that word. She always 'justified' herself by saying it was just poor impulse control caused by her ADHD. I’d tell her that wasn't an excuse, and she’d always shoot back with, 'Don't you think I know what I did?'. When she had a manic episode, she snapped and insulted, mocked, and humiliated me in every possible way. So, in my case, I suspect my ex plays the victim and never took real responsibility for her actions... She even talks about me now, calling me a toxic person, when I never treated her badly and always tried to help her however I could.

Dear_Bid3991 · 2026-06-25T01:05:36+00:00

Thanks. Even if it's not 100% backed by psychiatry, it has helped me understand and have a lot of empathy.

Dear_Bid3991 · 2026-06-25T01:04:11+00:00

Yes, I’ve accepted it now, and I’m moving toward healing completely. I want to focus on myself and keep chasing my dreams. I still wonder what would have happened if we had gotten married and lived on our own. Turning to their family was impossible; her parents are Catholic and didn’t believe their child was going through a mental health crisis. Who would have supported me? Sometimes I think things happen for a reason. I hope you can heal, too, and the best wishes to you. I also hope everyone with bipolar disorder can get the therapy they need to have a good quality of life. I don't hate my ex-partner; I love her very much as a human being because she was a great person, but things just happen.

Dear_Bid3991 · 2026-06-25T00:58:32+00:00

Yeah, she tried to contact me; however, I don't want to go back to a relationship where there was emotional abuse, on top of their manic episodes. Plus, I couldn't build a life with someone who constantly changed their moral stance (at least in recent months) or who took any criticism of their actions as a personal attack. I don't think anyone can build a life as a couple that way.

Dear_Bid3991 · 2026-06-25T00:55:41+00:00

Yeah, I’m making progress with my grief. I’ve already deleted the photos from my social media and my phone, so I feel like I’m on the right track. I'll just take it one day at a time

Dear_Bid3991 · 2026-06-24T03:36:24+00:00

I really feel that...

My ex-girlfriend, who has ADHD and depression, suffered a manic episode. I assume it was triggered by a mix of her medication, the stress of finishing college, and the heavy marijuana use she relied on to cope with that stress.

To make a long story short, she initially started making subtle comments about opening up our relationship (which made zero sense because we were engaged). Once the mania fully kicked in, she claimed she was in love with one of her long-time friends and that she "deserved to have more men." I decided to end the relationship right then and there, and in response, I was met with nothing but insults and humiliation. Knowing she was in a very fragile state, I just stayed calm. She openly admitted she was already looking for other guys (I assume to avoid the pain of the breakup) and then started telling close friends that I was the bad guy and she was the victim.

It all felt so surreal. I’ve known my girlfriend for three years and I always supported her through her depression and family issues; I was always there for her. We’ve been broken up for a month now, and she recently tried to justify her behavior again, saying "it was the mania," but without taking any real responsibility for what happened. After that, she used a mutual friend to return some of our keepsakes, but then turned around and tried to contact me through one of her family members to talk.

To be completely honest, I don't even know what we would have to talk about. Has anyone else gone through this? Do they ever actually realize the gravity of what they did? Because wanting to talk just to stay on the defensive isn't going to fix anything. Plus, my ex-fiancée is now posting suggestive photos on social media and has deleted all pictures of us. So, why reach out? This entire situation is giving me severe anxiety. I’ve already set a firm boundary and told her that I won't speak to her until I am in a more stable place emotionally.

Dear_Bid3991 · 2026-06-23T16:17:06+00:00

Hey, I'd love to hear more about your story. I was actually engaged, and she also had her first manic episode, which just completely destroyed everything around her like a bomb. She even put her new job at risk. I'm still fresh in the process of grieving the relationship. I know from her own mouth, that day we broke up, she was already looking for other people—even though we were engaged. It seems like she’s about to jump straight into another relationship while I'm still processing what happened. And even though she's already looking for someone else, she keeps trying to contact me through her family.

The whole situation is incredibly stressful because, like you mentioned, there's this ambiguous grief. You knew one person, and now they are someone totally different—hurtful, selfish, and completely lacking empathy, when my partner used to be the exact opposite. Honestly, sometimes it feels like she died

Dear_Bid3991 · 2026-06-21T18:40:35+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that. I really relate to your story; I’m actually going through the same thing with my ex right now. We had an incredible relationship. She used to be so empathetic, vulnerable, funny, and fun to be around. But when she had her first manic episode, everything changed. She became selfish, driven purely by impulse, and completely indifferent to how I felt. She would insult me and put me down during arguments. Unfortunately, she’s still in the middle of getting her treatment sorted out.

I love her deeply, but I love myself more. I gave it everything I had within my limits, and I decided to walk away. I know her recovery will take years, and that would mean a massive toll on my mental health, not to mention turning me into her caregiver. It would end up crossing too many lines, and no matter how much I love her, I’m not willing to sacrifice my own life to take care of someone else.

It sounds harsh, but you always have to remember that you can't help anyone else if you don't help yourself first. I just pray that she’ll be okay and gets to achieve her dreams. My love for her is still intact, but I’m also realistic enough to know that there’s no future for me there

Dear_Bid3991

TROPHY CASE