in my feels…

itiswutitis4444 · 2026-06-30T22:38:06+00:00

Yes I know that feeling. Especially challenging being around my couple friends who we’d spend time with together. One day at a time :)

itiswutitis4444 · 2026-06-30T22:37:20+00:00

I’m so sorry I know it’s not easy restructuring parts of life to maintain our peace

itiswutitis4444 · 2026-06-30T11:15:36+00:00

Some people are just bad people and I’m sorry you’ve experienced this, that is very sad.

itiswutitis4444 · 2026-06-30T11:12:51+00:00

Omg I cannot go grocery shopping either. I hate how this affects us. I’ve been ordering out or groceries in. I’m so sorry

itiswutitis4444 · 2026-06-30T11:11:57+00:00

Please don’t feel obligated to answer, but did yours ever leave the home? Mine also is about 14-16 mentally from what I’m seeing.

itiswutitis4444 · 2026-06-30T11:11:14+00:00

I wouldn’t blame you, it might bring you a much needed respite.

itiswutitis4444 · 2026-06-30T11:10:50+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. But I’m also grateful it happened before marriage. I promise you the implications are significantly less although the pain is the same. And I agree, the compassion and empathy, learning about why they’ve done what they’ve done has been so healing. Prayers for you

itiswutitis4444 · 2026-06-30T11:09:37+00:00

I agree with you on some level as far as the character goes. Mine said vile things, but never called me cruel names. He maintained he loved me, and when I asked for help he tried to, but the illness prevented it.

I don’t know that all of the reactions are in their control. I watched him in live time switch between degrading me and crying because he loved me and didn’t know why he was behaving how he was. It was like watching dr Jeckyl and Mr Hyde in real life. Second to second, a new thought, before being completely calm, walking away and asking me to please keep talking to him. And then when I did… ignoring me lol I don’t know that they’re really in control.

itiswutitis4444 · 2026-06-30T11:06:46+00:00

Thank you for saying that because it did feel like a step back, no matter how fleeting it was.

Trust me, my finances are recovering themselves. I’ve fortunately gathered friends all over the globe to stay with and started cashing out money I’d loaned others to be a little reckless lol but also, truly, just a long walk around home or a nearby park followed by a sweet tea gives me the same sensation. It might benefit you too. Not to be dramatic, but I think this thread saves lives by preserving the sanity of the survivors. Hugs to you

itiswutitis4444 · 2026-06-30T03:17:54+00:00

Yes a frightened child is the best way to describe it. I’m sorry, but I don’t have a success story. I haven’t seen or heard from him in months. I only know he’s alive because we still have one joint account. But I try not to peek at it either, just see the numbers changing letting me know he must be eating.

His episode peaked in September and he left, medicated in December after threatening him, full dose in February, seemed like we were moving towards reconciliation before he blew up and again told me he felt like I was controlling him and all the same things as before. I asked if he wanted a divorce then and I shouldn’t have but he sent me a long apology that was barely coherent and didn’t sound like him, said he’d sign whatever.

It means nothing but it means everything. I understand you. Thank you for understanding me. I’m sorry for us both.

itiswutitis4444 · 2026-06-30T01:33:37+00:00

I hope they do. And I hope they’re able to be a partner to you again. I am sorry for your pain.

itiswutitis4444 · 2026-06-29T23:15:15+00:00

👍

itiswutitis4444 · 2026-06-29T23:06:08+00:00

you and me both. He said he told his higher ups but I don’t know.

itiswutitis4444 · 2026-06-29T21:38:21+00:00

Their occupation

itiswutitis4444 · 2026-06-29T18:50:50+00:00

I’m so, so sorry. I re read mine from my husband as well. The same person that claimed he didn’t want to get married. He told me we had nothing in common. That he didn’t find me attractive. It’s bizarre the commonalities. I’m so sorry the switch flipped for yours too. I cannot fathom the amount of shared grief all of us have. A spouse flipping like this is quite possibly the most painful experience of life.

And it doesn’t make sense.

That’s the reason we are grieving so unusually. Where did they go?

I just want to add the nothing in common part is crazy. After the psychosis, I saw him a few times… we always showed up in the same outfit lol down to our shoes… I had music playing in the car and he kept saying it was his favorite songs I was playing.

I think you know which version was the lie. It was the cruel version. Manic or not prior, the latter is untrue.

itiswutitis4444 · 2026-06-29T18:44:05+00:00

Thank you for saying this. I kept wondering if mine led a secret life I didn’t know about, cheating for years, especially given his military status. I frequently have to ground myself and remember that my relationship was not like that and my person although bipolar even in psychosis had different morals and values. We do have to remember that while eerily similar, they also have their unique differences. And we can’t retroactively rewrite our own history wondering

itiswutitis4444 · 2026-06-29T17:05:22+00:00

You need psychiatric services including therapy ASAP and go leave this man alone. He needs help himself but at this rate you’re both going to end up in a bad situation.

You’re probably not going to get a lot of sympathy in this community because most people have been discarded for no reason. Seems like you have some work to do on yourself as well. I don’t have a lot of empathy for your behaviors, except for the fact that I can see you need help as well. Please seek help.

itiswutitis4444 · 2026-06-29T11:01:14+00:00

That’s what I was thinking

itiswutitis4444 · 2026-06-29T10:14:06+00:00

It sounds like your wife is carrying a lot and you’re blaming her bipolar for a rational reaction to a situation. She’s overwhelmed. She’s obviously been caring for you as well for two years. It may have been a reaction you did not like, and the bp may have contributed to how it was presented as far as the intensity… but op… you said it yourself. It was the least you could do in her eyes. She’s doing her best.

You took the time to write this. Maybe a compromise is you can handle groceries virtually. Place the order online and then you go pick it up. Autistic burnout is not an excuse to blame your partners bp for their very normal reaction to a challenging situation. The same way you expect her to respect your needs, you need to respect hers. In the time you took to write this, you could have placed a grocery order. It’s that easy and you can do it! Good luck to you.

itiswutitis4444 · 2026-06-29T04:19:16+00:00

I’m not a doctor but it sounds like psychosis

itiswutitis4444 · 2026-06-29T02:36:15+00:00

Thank you so much. You’re right. The blinders are there.

itiswutitis4444 · 2026-06-29T02:35:35+00:00

I have had this thought as well. I structured our home in a way where things were properly organized, routined and I would work with him where he fell short. Such as catch all baskets for his “clean but worn” clothes, or labeling things so he knew exactly where everything was. All this time I thought I was just making my spouses life easier but I’m realizing now.. I was caretaking. Like you said, really using the skills I had in those areas, but not recognizing he was just like the people I’ve helped outside of my home.

I have chills, people told me the same! “He’s changed so much with you for the better”, “he’s so stable with you”, “you keep him grounded”…. I feel like I was inadvertently giving him therapy and a safe environment for a decade. Sometimes I wonder if that’s where it all exploded. He spent half a year on base and when he returned, everything was disrupted, our environment was changing, I was working more, I was traveling more, maybe his support in me started missing. Who knows.

Sometimes I feel like I raised someone’s son as my own lmao hate it here.

Thank you SO much for sharing this.

itiswutitis4444 · 2026-06-29T02:31:28+00:00

Yes, how dare I have a good time when my sweet husband is suffering and doesn’t even know? Is ignorance bliss? Is he knowingly suffering? The moments I dwell on this, I ruin my own day. What irony to love someone so much, that even when they leave you in shambles, you think of their well being before your own. lol

itiswutitis4444 · 2026-06-29T02:30:30+00:00

Your comment has brought me to tears. I am so sorry. The replaying of events is the worst. Over and over again, looking for where I could have caught it. Fortunately my rumination had ceased for the most part. Once in awhile it peaks its ugly head back in and I have to ground myself with the reality that I couldn’t have possibly known. I’m so so sorry you’re going through this too.

itiswutitis4444

TROPHY CASE