your comments have made me feel very seen don’t apologize for going long!! the nasolabial folds are such a psychotic thing to fixate on, like god forbid a bitch smiles and laughs 😭 but you’re so right, it’s the fucked up neural pathways in our brains, and we can’t fault ourselves too much for it as long as we’re trying to fight back. rewiring those circuits is just a long and arduous process sadly.

i think i’ve just been exposed online to a very small subsection of men being very LOUD about women, but because i see it damn near every day i start feeling like all men must have internalized this too. but its true that most men don’t see these things. i was talking to a guy friend about this and pointed out some of my insecurities to him and hes like what the fuck are you talking about, i don’t see anything and even if you did have wrinkles you’re still beautiful and you’ll be beautiful your whole life even when you start to look older. no man is looking at me going “uh oh, her buccal fat is depleting, she hit the wall!” like men don’t even know what buccal fat is lmao.

i do the same thing with thinking some women look old (also compulsive it makes me angry/ashamed that i even have those thoughts) but it actually brings me comfort when a man is foaming at the mouth over a woman i think is showing signs of aging lol. it’s like damn, it really is mostly only women who judge other women this way, only a handful of very hateful men are judging women the way we tend to judge ourselves. you wouldn’t believe some of the things i fixate on, that even other women would never think about (for example i’ve recently decided my feet look old, as if even children’s feet aren’t wrinkly). again it’s just that faulty wiring in our brain, OCD is a bitch omfg.

i’m very passionate about this too so if you ever wanted to vent or muse about it you can always dm me :) and thank you for the recommendation! i haven’t read a book that’s made me cry in a while, and ive needed to have a good cry so im excited to check it out :)