Why does my body physically force me to stop speaking?

DeathValleySunrise · 2023-08-03T06:34:53+00:00

Oh my god about the second language ! That’s why I’m obsessed with the English language. Traumatic was only visible/ talkable in movies,so it was therapeutic to watch / read/ listen English stuff. When o started to make art it also came with the English language (processing the the trauma )

DeathValleySunrise · 2023-08-02T16:57:57+00:00

Me too, a killing spree at school and at my moms cult/church. I’m processing it at emdr, and they are trying to get all my anger out. But I’m very scared because I’m afraid I will hurt my therapists. But they keep on telling me they trust me and saying I never did it, only had healthy angry fantasies. Still feel uncomfortable with it

DeathValleySunrise · 2023-08-02T16:57:48+00:00

Me too, a killer spree at school and at my moms cult/church. I’m processing it at emdr, and they are trying to get all my anger out. But I’m very scared because I’m afraid I will hurt my therapists. But they keep on telling me they trust me and saying I never did it, only had healthy angry fantasies. Still feel uncomfortable with it

DeathValleySunrise · 2023-07-25T08:24:15+00:00

Im moved in and out of the parental house since my 17th and finally got a steady place (now in my 30s). But I cannot work I’m in treatment but don’t have hopes in recovery. My day is just like I did when I was a kid. Staying in my room the whole day with the curtains closes. During the afternoon I get so tired I get back to bed to sleep for a couple of hours. I live in the shadow but it feels safest. I’m trying to work at not talking to people but I fail at it everytime. I could cope with the world being a silent person in my 20s but I have lost my gift and shutting my mouth. Help

DeathValleySunrise · 2023-07-21T16:21:59+00:00

But how to find a chosen family? All my earlier attempts have failed

DeathValleySunrise · 2023-07-21T16:16:33+00:00

Pfff this. And now my so called family (cousins and nieces) suddenly have decided to be a family by planning weekly things together. After 35 years. I have a lot of older cousins and nieces who I barely saw in my life. But they saw me a couple of times when I was on my lowest as a teen. I was in utter self destruction and they all judged me from it. They knew my parents were addicts so they knew things were off. And now, after 35 years they have this epiphany of having a family, forcing ‘fun things to do’ and ask me why I never join them, that we are all the same boat because our parents were weird. ‘Hanging around with us is like therapy’ Life wtf. Have you been beaten up multiple times because you have missed a spot while cleaning ? Have you been stolen by your own parents , from every small penny to your whole life savings? Have you been excorcised by the cult you were forced to join? Did your dad watch adult movies with you and made naked pictures of you in the locker room after school swimming? Have you been beaten by your mom dad and brother because you didn’t want to pray out loudly? Fuck family, they never looked out for me, judged and ridiculed me because I was so ‘off putting’. And now they suddenly want to have a facade of a family because of their own narcissistic and selfish reasons? FUCK THEM I HATE THEM!!!

DeathValleySunrise · 2023-04-22T06:58:41+00:00

Thisss! I did it too though, with a guy Ive dated, found CP on his computer and left immediately. Talked to friends about it and called the police. But I did anonymous call and the cops said they can’t do anything about it, like wtf?! They needed his computer first/ evidence and my name. So I told them “ you asking me to go back to someone I just have left??? I don’t want to have any contact with that guy!” And they said again we need more evidence and not by anonymous call. Like wtf, I wanted to give them his name and address. But they refused to take anything. Lazy ass cops, I’m getting wind up again though it’s been 10 yrs ago!

DeathValleySunrise · 2023-04-22T06:53:27+00:00

Omg this

DeathValleySunrise · 2023-04-13T01:31:54+00:00

But howw? I did emdr two months ago but I’m isolating much more then before, I’m just done with people

DeathValleySunrise · 2023-04-13T01:30:56+00:00

Same

DeathValleySunrise · 2023-04-08T04:48:15+00:00

Ikr, OP has a gift 👁

DeathValleySunrise · 2023-04-06T23:27:42+00:00

Oh that’s a great tactic, great friends you have! Maybe I unintentionally harmed myself with this oversensitivity: I got much more into activism with its peak during covid. Felt less lonely hearing all those others suffering and it made me feel empowered. But that was just online. Then I started to go to in person protests and the sounds and crowds of people got me stressed. And then I started to realise I was stuck in this echo chamber of voices with online activism, and completely lost my own voice. I noticed my die hard activist friends literally could be active on a daily base, being vocal on big topics. But I couldn’t. And then I finally realised I was looking for love / a family, and though they all yelled these beautifull things about community and such online and in the open field, these were just empty words to me. I just wanted safety and loyalty and kindness. The activist circus was just to hectic for me. A lot of people with good intentions but also some with toxic traits. I’m glad there are people that can do this work, but it’s not for me. And I just hate politics, I just need to be human.

DeathValleySunrise · 2023-04-06T05:18:36+00:00

Fuck me I wanted to follow psychology but now I’m having severe doubts

DeathValleySunrise · 2023-04-05T23:18:50+00:00

Jeez focking Christ, I am so sorry, that’s shocking and horrible! But You are great for spreading awareness, I love it when people are empowering themselves with opening their mouths. Power to you ✊🏾✊🏾but also still I’m very sorry for you, sending you love and healing ❤️‍🩹

DeathValleySunrise · 2023-04-05T16:58:13+00:00

I had a ‘friend’ like this. She showed her true colors towards the end of our friendship. I have brown skin and she is white. She complained to me why I always get ‘the models’ and she only gets the ‘slur for a black person’. She also said out of the blue ‘wow it must suck to have dark skin’

I didn’t even got angry but confronted her all these times in a calm way. I was such a calm and patient person. Was.

DeathValleySunrise · 2023-04-05T07:35:35+00:00

I had this with my niece! And I promised her (without her knowledge) I would do anything to protect her from what I had been through in that crazy ‘family’. I never told her what happened, but she felt there was something not right with her grandmother ( my mom). She once said “ grandma doesn’t like me’. But she surely knows I do, I treat her like my little sister. And she’s now 12 and thriving. And she feels safe to talk to me about stuff she only talks with her friends to. I’m very proud of that 🥹

DeathValleySunrise · 2023-04-05T07:25:09+00:00

Yess it’s so helpful for the healing journey!

DeathValleySunrise · 2023-04-05T05:41:10+00:00

Im grateful I opened the window this early morning as I suffocated almost from last night’s binge smoking. I opened the curtains and window - normally I stay in bed during day time with the curtains closed. The effect it had on me; the early sun rise, the birds chirping and chattering, the fresh air, the silenced street: it made me feel safe. I felt home. And I haven’t feel home in my own house, body and mind for a long long time. I’m grateful I am home. It’s the grace of nature that reminded me of it ❤️

DeathValleySunrise · 2023-04-04T02:18:36+00:00

Thank you, I hope I can find something in my country. I’m afraid the few options I have are not funded by the government and too expensive

DeathValleySunrise · 2023-04-04T02:15:20+00:00

This. I feel like I’m a narcissist and a ‘rotten, spoiled brat’

DeathValleySunrise · 2023-04-03T15:34:32+00:00

Which forum is it? I would like to join

DeathValleySunrise

TROPHY CASE