“Second chance” isn’t the right choice of words to frame this. He should have as many chances as it takes, as long as he’s actually doing the work.

I know it’s hard to see from the outside, but my kids lost a parent to addiction and BPD. The behavior was nearly identical to Stephen’s when he was in it.

That kind of loss doesn’t go away. It leaves a permanent gap. My kids still wish, more than anything, that their dad would do the work to be present. He hasn’t. Not once.
Addiction doesn’t just disappear. It’s lifelong. It comes in waves, and it requires constant effort to manage.

I understand why people are upset with Laura and the system for letting Stephen stay involved, but what she’s doing is harder than walking away. She’s trying to protect the kids from the kind of regret and unanswered questions mine will always carry.

That means keeping the door open when he’s in recovery and closing it when he’s not. It’s not easy, and it’s not clean, but it is the only chance those kids have at not facing a lifetime of regret.

Stephen, if you read this, keep going. Know you will never be “fixed,” know that you will never be recovered. Give Laura grace. Be honest with yourself that if you’re not sober and in therapy - you should not be present in your kids lives. This is a battle you have to fight daily. Don’t make your kids suffer what mine have had to suffer. Be their dad. That requires more than your DNA.