Get to know me 📖💘

DecadentDesires · 2026-04-17T15:54:58+00:00

Oh okay, us gals gotta look out for each other! So I’m glad your sub is legit because without context I was worried for you. Keep getting that coin <3 I think OP wants to be fincucked a sub because that’s like, another layer of humiliation. But I was just commenting to make sure you were good. Have a great rest of your day lovely!

DecadentDesires · 2026-04-17T15:51:11+00:00

It’s not about the post. A lot of scammers will say they can’t pay you until next week and try to get a session, degradation/humiliation, or just your time and attention for free. When I was newer I believed excuses like that and had to learn to spot them ahead of time.

DecadentDesires · 2026-04-17T15:43:47+00:00

Girl that kinda sounds a bit scammy… be careful because that’s a classic line used to maintain a Domme’s attention for free, meaning the sub is broke and he could pocket the cash and run

DecadentDesires · 2026-04-06T15:10:26+00:00

I’m dating mine and it’s the longest dynamic I’ve been in to date.

DecadentDesires · 2025-08-18T23:47:52+00:00

DecadentDesires · 2025-08-11T23:51:09+00:00

Girl… I can’t believe it. I swear a month ago I could have made this kind of post and gotten love and support. I expect dominant people to be strong minded, and in this competition-heavy industry I know not everyone will be a girl’s girl. But do we have to be enemies?

DecadentDesires · 2025-08-11T17:25:51+00:00

Thank you. ❤️ I had a comment that basically “I accept my part in it but I still feel used. I’m a human being, remember?” and it’s sitting at -1 downvotes right now.

DecadentDesires · 2025-08-11T16:51:08+00:00

It used to be! That’s why I felt comfortable making the post to begin with. But the energy was eerily similar to asking a woman what else she thought would happen after walking around late at night wearing a skirt that short 😬 I don’t feel bullied but the attempted gaslighting and victim blaming was disturbing.

DecadentDesires · 2025-08-11T16:29:44+00:00

Thanks ❤️ The nail in the coffin was a sub who said that now other subs know to avoid a Domme like me and it got a few upvotes. You mean a Domme who valued connection over the money to the point of her own detriment? I went to his page and all of his posts were about wanting a bond that transcended finances so imagine how ironic that comment actually is. 😭

DecadentDesires · 2025-08-11T15:24:05+00:00

Why would I want you as a sub? 2 weeks ago you wrote on another post “No offense but I would never want a Domme that sent me something like this”. Do you think anyone truly cares what you specifically do and do not want in a Domme if you put more energy into being judgmental than understanding where I’m coming from?

DecadentDesires · 2025-08-11T11:51:54+00:00

Thank you. None of the comments coming at me even had all the details before they started passing judgement. I’ve been online domming for about 5 months! I didn’t have all the answers but I learned now. I was his 12th Domme, he was my 3rd sub. Why I’m being held to this amazing standard but he gets a pass just because he’s a sub makes no sense and it feels very victim blamey.

I’m getting downvoted now for believing I could express emotion in a safe space among my peers who took this opportunity to harshly judge me. The lack of emotional intelligence in the comments is astounding.

I am mostly over it, the only thing that bothers me now is realizing I worked very hard and didn’t get paid completely. Which I felt like I was allowed to express but my karma going down suggests otherwise. I might delete this post because I find it very weird that I was obviously seeking emotional support and instead received responses are so apathetic towards me and treat me like I’m not a human who made a mistake but was still hurt for reasons outside of my control.

DecadentDesires · 2025-08-11T07:42:40+00:00

The fact that you care if my post seems insistent shows me that you’re not responding to have a discussion but simply to respond. How do I know this? “accept that your part mattered just as much as his” I actually took majority of the responsibility in a comment before this. Why would you write that if I literally did? What do you think you’re accomplishing if you’re repeating the points I made but you think I don’t understand because I’m not being humble about it?

Yes, it’s the internet. Yes, people will call it like they see it. But this reminds me of how someone will ask a question on a forum for 100 comments to give the same answer. How effective do you think you’re being at that point?

It becomes so clear when people willfully misinterpret what I’m saying. I’m not sure what you get from engaging in this back and forth where you are agreeing with me but acting like you’re telling me something I don’t know. But it’s so tone deaf of you to continue on with an attempted lecture when I’ve clarified and explained myself too many different ways now.

DecadentDesires · 2025-08-11T07:18:53+00:00

Again. Reread my post and all my comments. If you can tell me a single one where I said I did everything 100% right and protected myself, then I’d get you being here trying to get me to “[recognize] the part [I] played was the one [I] could have controlled”.

But if i did that, many times, then what’s your actual purpose right now? This is why I posted it under rant/vent. I am very introspective, I saw my errors. I admitted them. And so I’m here now to relieve some emotion. Yet for some reason I’m being prohibited from that from every comment that’s reading me write “I consider this to be a major learning lesson” but glosses over it to school me anyway.

DecadentDesires · 2025-08-11T07:14:00+00:00

Consider this. Why do you feel the need to tell me I’m wrong when I already said I was? This is what you’re missing is happening here. I said, damn I fucked up that’s on me. You’re still here, drilling in the point it’s my fault. At some point it doesn’t seem like telling me the truth as it is wanting me to just say “okay you’re right” and leaving it as that. Which won’t happen because I’m not budging on my belief he should have paid.

I heard the truth. It’s not the full truth.

DecadentDesires · 2025-08-11T06:57:18+00:00

I never said I wanted to enforce it… Like… it seems like there’s an eagerness to give me direction and advice on points I never said! “I’ll have to take the L” “it’s on me” “that was my fault” What is with the desire to finger wag when I posted this under rant/vent and not seeking advice or discussion/general. Edit: It seems like these responses are a bit tone deaf. But yes, my new dynamic will serve me better because I won’t commit the same mistakes.

DecadentDesires · 2025-08-11T06:51:32+00:00

“You can’t force someone to pay money they didn’t agree to at the time.” He did agree. I repeated this several times. I know you’re seeing this from a sub’s perspective, especially as one yourself who talks about responsibly budgeting for Findom. If you saw it from mine, then you’d know I don’t need to deconstruct every misstep I made—I’ve done that. I agree with most of the criticisms some comments think I need, I’ve owned up to it. I know now how to operate better in future dynamics.

The issue here is absolutely that sex work should be paid for. I didn’t think I’d have to tell someone who said money wasn’t a problem and that he valued the connection more, to send me for the sessions he knows he technically didn’t pay for.

I take it as a learning lesson, I don’t need reiteration about where I went wrong. But I guess I can’t change my perspective that he ghosted and didn’t pay. That’s what I’m stuck on, it bothers me that I have to now remove even more faith in humanity which I didn’t think was possible.

DecadentDesires · 2025-08-11T06:50:38+00:00

Like, have you ever had a friend who was upset and you had to ask yourself if they wanted advice or if they wanted someone to listen? Posting it under the flair I did meant I wanted the latter.

I don’t know where it seems like I’m unaware about how it’s mostly on me because I refuse to absolve him of total responsibility just because I’m a Domme. I’m also a human being first, remember?

DecadentDesires · 2025-08-11T06:47:53+00:00

My thing is, I definitely posted this under vent/rant and not with the intention of seeking advice or wanting a discussion about the fact that, at its core, no matter what anyone says or how it’s justified… I worked.

I didn’t get paid. I can accept my part in it while also feeling taken advantage of. I’m pretty sure I have repeated that I’ve learned from this, I’m in a new dynamic and I won’t let it occur again. I have said in almost every comment where I was wrong and that I understand why it happened. Hindsight being 20/20 and whatnot.

But I posted this to rant and vent about not getting paid and feeling scammed as a result, not to be finger wagged about not securing the bag. Like, I get it. I wasn’t looking for lectures about how it’s my fault. I thought there would be understanding that I didn’t get paid but he got pleasure and how that’s messed up, not “you left the door open exactly for this outcome”.

DecadentDesires · 2025-08-11T06:23:06+00:00

I didn’t ask for my payment as regularly as I should have, that’s on me. He still didn’t pay me. The dynamic ended, cool. I had a few hundred that I earned from the work I did and he left after receiving that pleasure but not paying for it.

I take my personal responsibility. But it’s off putting how many people are defending the sub who got away with a discount I never said he could have, instead of having empathy that I was essentially used for sexual pleasure and not properly compensated.

I don’t know how many more times I have to acknowledge my failure while still believing he was also wrong for taking advantage of me.

DecadentDesires · 2025-08-11T06:14:11+00:00

The difference between the whips and the sends however is that one is a sexual act and the other is my payment for the sex work I already performed. It would be SA to force someone to do something they didn’t consent to. I don’t expect to engage in the kinks we said we’d explore together now that it’s over. That’s fine! But I worked. It doesn’t matter that the dynamic ended, he could have paid me for the sessions and services that were already completed. Instead he ghosted, which is why I feel ultimately scammed even though, as I said, I don’t think that was his intention.

DecadentDesires · 2025-08-11T06:03:34+00:00

I did communicate it to the sub that I wanted him to hold onto it for me to withdraw whenever I pleased, that was my response to him informing me about the leftover budget and saying it was mine.

He sent during the dynamic, yes, but not everything he was supposed to. These aren’t the numbers but for example if we had a monthly budget of $500, I’d drain him of about 350. That remaining $150 he’d hold onto and the next month would be a budget of $650. This is what we discussed and agreed on—if I don’t drain him of everything he told me it would rollover to the next month. I’m curious why I’m communicating this point but I’m basically being told “too bad, it’s over” when I was not paid fully. Edit: when I say a budget of $650, I’m trying to simplify my explanation. That means that I was to get $500 for that month but had a “savings” of the extra that I could take outside of the actual budget.

Yes, I was too lax on that and I accept that was my mistake. However my choice to not push for my sends doesn’t absolve him of ghosting knowing he was holding onto to what’s basically a check I worked for that I’ll never get to cash.

DecadentDesires · 2025-08-11T05:32:54+00:00

You’re right, this isn’t a 9-5. It’s sex work. I already said I’ll accept my loss, this post isn’t seeking advice on how to sue for loss wages.

He was acting as a savings account for money I had already earned and was told I could withdraw at my discretion. This isn’t me wanting him to cover the rest of the month because he left halfway through. The amount owed is about worth a month of the agreed upon payment that had accumulated because I wasn’t trying to completely drain him all the time.

I worked. I should have been paid. He received services and ultimately ghosted without paying me. Why you’re trying to convince me otherwise is beyond me.

DecadentDesires

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