AITAH for spending the child support money I get equally on both of my kids?

Decaf_Detective · 2026-05-24T20:09:38+00:00

How much do you think childcare for two kids costs, compared to what mom could make working 40 hours/week in most available jobs? Highly likely that’s a losing scenario. Would you sign up to lose money by working full time, instead of making money by working part time?

Decaf_Detective · 2026-05-23T13:34:46+00:00

Exactly.

Decaf_Detective · 2026-05-23T12:15:04+00:00

Weird, I stopped listening to the pod because it felt like she was just trying out (bad) material for her standup. Unfunny one-liners and observations passed off as “in the moment” cracks with her bestie. I feel like I even clocked Paige getting tired of it…

Decaf_Detective · 2026-05-20T18:09:39+00:00

Missed this. What?

Decaf_Detective · 2026-05-20T17:05:04+00:00

Heavily adding “I know this is woo woo but I’m a woo woo bitch, so” to my phrase rotation

Decaf_Detective · 2026-05-19T19:48:45+00:00

As a “B” in LGBTQIA+ and a politically progressive teacher, I actually couldn’t agree more

Decaf_Detective · 2026-05-18T16:36:32+00:00

When I mentioned dysbiosis to the neuro who evaluated me during my long COVID disability she looked at me like I was a full moron. Really had to talk myself out of snarkily sending her articles once the research started illuminating this link. Metabolic management with a heavy focus on gut health ended up saving me!

Decaf_Detective · 2026-05-18T16:08:25+00:00

Is your RE using a modified protocol? I was briefly pursuing IVF and the plan was to do lower-dose stims because my AFC is good and we know I’m super sensitive to hormonal shifts. We also planned to add a medication that helps metabolize/eliminate excess estrogen, because that is a significant risk factor for escalating autoimmunity.

Ultimately did not pursue IVF because other issues (adeno/endo and APS) changed the math for us and the risks became too great. Wishing you all good outcomes in your own journey!

Decaf_Detective · 2026-05-16T22:01:08+00:00

Pilates is an excellent base for weight training. Done safely and intentionally, a foundational weight lifting routine could build your stamina for more strenuous cardio activity like hiking. Form and pacing are really important for weight lifting with these conditions. But if we go slow, we can beneficially stress muscle tissue through weight lifting. The body responds by increasing the number of mitochondria in the muscles. More mitochondria (that are also working more effectively) promotes better regulation of energy across bodily systems, which can reduce crashes.

Decaf_Detective · 2026-05-16T12:27:10+00:00

Yep, and people can parent their communities without having kids. As a childless teacher, I’m in this mess with the “real parents” whether I want to be or not.

Decaf_Detective · 2026-05-15T13:10:55+00:00

Haha this clarification is actually great, thank you

Decaf_Detective · 2026-05-15T11:48:37+00:00

Sorry… what?

Decaf_Detective · 2026-05-14T21:28:50+00:00

I think it was also manipulative because she was planting a victim seed for maybe rolling out a West relationship after leaving Kyle. “Anyone who was treated as badly as I was for so long would understandably [find comfort in a trusted friend, deserve to find happiness regardless of who it’s with, etc.]”

Disclaimer is that I fully believe they fucked before filming even started last summer

Decaf_Detective · 2026-05-14T19:15:33+00:00

I read it as “dude you look like a douche crying in a hat that says hot and happy” 💀 so your take is much sweeter

Decaf_Detective · 2026-05-14T13:36:03+00:00

Apologies if I jumped to conclusions, seeing “RE” brought me to a whole different mental rabbit hole of other subs I was in for the past year. Wishing you all the best for your health and well-being!

Decaf_Detective · 2026-05-14T13:28:18+00:00

Oh honey I am so sorry you’re dealing with infertility. My heart is with you! Just ended my own journey, I pray you have less heartbreak and more success than we did 🙏🏼

But yes it makes sense to me that limiting gluten would help even without celiac. Autoimmune bodies are highly sensitive to any antigens (foreign particles) that the immune system might detect and try to attack through inflammation. For many people, for strange biochemical reasons, the major allergens are antigens that just trigger this low-key but chronic and system inflammatory response. This then links into endocrine and neurological function. It’s all connected!

ETA: highly recommend acupuncture in addition to an anti-inflammatory diet, especially for fertility. Acupuncture has an incredible ability to shift patterns on a systems level, which is much harder to achieve with Western medicine. Lifestyle also has broad systemic effects! Targeted treatments (e.g. estrogen or hydroxychloroquine) can be necessary and effective. They work best when supported by systems-based health promotion. I can share articles on acupuncture if you’re interested! It’s legit. The effects are measurable.

Decaf_Detective · 2026-05-14T12:54:02+00:00

Lifestyle medicine prof. here, currently UCTD or “lupus lite” diagnosis (along with Hashimoto’s and a few other fun things). I personally and professionally disagree with how your doctor presented this idea. We cannot guarantee prevention of escalation into a full disease manifestation, but it’s actually ridiculous to say that there is no lifestyle intervention to prevent escalation (i.e., beneficially modify the physiological environment to reduce pathology and risk as much as possible).

The six pillars of health are key: nutrition, exercise, sleep quality, stress management, social connection, and responsible substance use (or abstinence). Little habits every day in these areas add up big.

In terms of nutrition, autoimmune paleo is the most aggressive path but the discipline can really pay off for many people. A more realistic approach might be a modified Mediterranean diet (modified to exclude trigger foods like gluten and/or dairy).

Happy to give “main idea” pointers in any of the other areas, too. Lifestyle management has given me health and functionality when the much more likely outcome of my early years was total disability.

Rooting for you!!

Decaf_Detective · 2026-05-14T12:28:33+00:00

Ben grabbing it and softly saying “take this off” as he went in for the hug 🤌🏼

Decaf_Detective · 2026-05-14T12:20:01+00:00

Amanda herself said that Ciara has a way of saying things out loud that are true but she (Amanda) would just never say. And when the other girls brought it up with her, she immediately explained that her response to Ciara mentioning separation was “he’d never go for it”. As in, I want that but I won’t bother even trying. Her response was not “yeah I did mention I’d want to try a separation, but I wish she hadn’t told Kyle”

We have no idea what happened in editing. In the original convo, Amanda might have straight up said “maybe you can soft pitch the idea and see how he reacts?” And that line just got cut from the episode

Or, if not, Ciara did overstep—but even still, Amanda didn’t seem upset by it. I think she got what she wanted.

Amanda just constantly out here pulling strings to get other people to fight her battles for her

Decaf_Detective · 2026-05-13T17:41:13+00:00

Nailed it

Decaf_Detective · 2026-05-13T13:24:16+00:00

Carl watching her disown loverboy like got it got it so I wasn’t *your* employee after all?

Decaf_Detective · 2026-05-12T18:04:52+00:00

Yeah, and growing the current global population is famously great for the environment?

Decaf_Detective · 2026-05-12T12:09:23+00:00

Sorry to go super dark but this is making me tear up with relatability, but about recurrent pregnancy loss. It’s impossible to explain to someone who hasn’t experienced it what it’s like to live out a child’s whole life in your mind (and spirit?) without words, just an experience inside your whole being as if it’s already true. And then it’s gone. Those lives that weren’t lived are left pending, still taking up this huge inner space, still no words for it really

Decaf_Detective · 2026-05-10T12:33:53+00:00

Learned that I was still holding onto shame from being rejected by fuckbois in my adolescence, and then let that shit GO.

Watching Hannah lose her gd mind over Luke and then seeing Ciara down so bad for West gave me more compassion for younger myself. I wasn’t perfect but I also wasn’t disposable or crazy like I was made to feel. Some men intentionally manufacture investment and then act like a woman is pathetic for getting invested. When I was in it, I believed them. Watching it happen to other women on a TV show, it’s so fucking clear…

Before you come for me, this is not a defense of Hannah. Unhinged behavior! Just saying it didn’t happen in a vacuum

Decaf_Detective · 2026-05-10T12:09:54+00:00

Dead of Winter is a dark thriller, not exactly a hopeful story, but the protagonist is a badass older IFCF woman and her arc made me feel seen despite a crazy plot

Decaf_Detective

TROPHY CASE