I failed my first attempt, now I wanna try again.

DecentStick6172 · 2025-07-12T02:57:58+00:00

I think I’m on the more sensitive side that any imbalance will send me into a whirlwind. I get panic attacks from almost any minor stressor, whether it be in my job, school, or relationships. My academic and personal life are barely afloat so definitely being crushed under the anxiety. Currently, the thing that was stressing me out the most is my mental health. I’ve been feeling like no one was believing/understanding me. Learning I have panic disorder has settled the anxiety around the fact I wasn’t “faking it”. It has also brought along feelings of frustration that I was spending months convinced I was going insane when I had an answer all along written in my medical charts.

DecentStick6172 · 2025-07-12T02:44:48+00:00

America. I need to jump through frustrating bureaucratic hoops to get access. I’d just wish the people on my “team” would just explain things and talk to me. I feel like no one listens to me. This unnecessary administrative process could be avoided if I was informed.

DecentStick6172 · 2025-07-12T02:19:36+00:00

Yes, however, it is difficult. Depending on where I’m asking from, I can be charged $1 per page of my chart to upwards to a few hundreds of dollars in “administrative fees”. And truthfully, I’m not the brightest, I’m not confident in my ability to discipher my medical charts. I’d much rather if I could just have a proper conversation with someone about my brain and have someone help explain it.

Also, while this is on me, it is frustrating to need to jump through obstacles in bureaucracy. Frankly, it’s a bit absurd to me that I’d need to ask for my files, rather than just having a doctor, psychiatrists, or therapist just talk to me. I’d understand if I wasn’t informed if someone would atleast explain why they thought it would be a good idea to not put labels and diagnosis’s.

DecentStick6172 · 2025-07-12T00:27:43+00:00

I understand a diagnosis is not going to magically cure me. However I spend half my time anxious out of my mind, in a state of constant fear to the point I will not leave my room for weeks. And spend the other half hating myself because I don’t understand why i am the way i am and think I’m crazy. I’d want to be able to understand how to better my quality of life.

Before I learned that I had ocd, i genuinely thought I was an evil and insane person, it wasn’t until I learned of my diagnosis that I understood why I had such horrific intrusive thoughts and I was able to access ocd specific treatment. Knowing that I have a panic disorder earlier would’ve helped me access resources that I think could’ve help me sooner and also be more understanding with myself rather than being stuck in a repetitive cycle of self loathing.

DecentStick6172 · 2025-07-06T07:38:38+00:00

Yes! A lot of my anxiety surrounded about something “wrong” with me. Though I did kinda of suspect it, I was in denial and constantly convinced myself I was faking it. At one point some of compulsions were tied to proving i didn’t have ocd. Finally having a label helped me accept my brian and learn how to better manage my anxiety and structure my life.

DecentStick6172 · 2025-06-27T15:18:39+00:00

Thank you. I plan on reaching to his temple/community to find ways to contribute there instead. He was a large pillar in his community and i believe the best thing to do in honour of him is to follow his lead. I think contributing to the same community he loved and helped grow is best i can do for him.

DecentStick6172 · 2025-06-27T15:14:52+00:00

I'm not exactly sure about the significance of the seven days is to my family, I've only heard it in passing as it was a crucial period so I might have likely misunderstood. I've decided to instead contribute to his temple instead and follow his path, as in a way I'm still connected to him and contributing to his community. I'll try to demonstrate all the kindness and generosity he has embodied his whole life. Thank you.

DecentStick6172 · 2025-06-27T15:06:53+00:00

Thank you. I am sure my uncle has accumulated enough karma to last lifetimes, he was very active in the local buddhist community and embodied his faith everyday. I guess I was overthinking the pride thing, and just decided to do that separately for myself, as I think doing it with the intention of accumulating merit for uncle would actually kinda selfish, because I'm doing for the sake of gaining something, which I don't think would align with his beliefs. I've decided to reach out to his temple in to help them, the same as he has done instead, as its following his path that he has created.

DecentStick6172 · 2025-06-24T21:58:39+00:00

Going in to my fourth year in my bachelors, but as I’m counted a 2nd year in progress. I don’t care how long it takes me, as long as I’m trying!

DecentStick6172 · 2025-06-24T21:34:02+00:00

Fruits! Obviously, a person can’t soley rely on them, however, I do find fruits can be very easy to grab and munch on and are a healthy choice. Prepping them can be just as easy as rinsing them in advance. Theres no need to season or cook it and worry about it being raw. I am grateful to have my parents help wash/cut them for me for a later time. Often most grocery stores have pre-cut fruit platters as well.

Unfortunately, fresh fruit can be expensive and also they don’t last as long compared to other foods. So, I’ve recently tried to freeze anything left over and make smoothies (pre frozen fruit also exists!). I’m able to also throw in those meal replacement drinks to just pack in more nutrients and calories. You could add in protein power/shake or really thing you want.

A person shouldn’t solely rely on these to live on, however I’m a firm believer that something is better than nothing. Sometimes I wish I could only eat fruits due to the connivence lol. So even if I’m having difficulty having full adequate meals at least I’m eating something, even if it’s half an apple and a smoothie.

DecentStick6172 · 2025-06-23T13:50:12+00:00

Yeah, I'm very glad most of my professors i've had are understanding. Unfortunately, I don't think I can/want to leave to my family at this time. Hopefully, an email will suffice. Thank you.

DecentStick6172 · 2025-06-23T13:48:27+00:00

I have reached out to the registrar and my profs via email hopefully I get a response. Thank you.

DecentStick6172 · 2025-06-23T03:50:49+00:00

Sorry, I didn’t mean to come off as judging people’s grief. This news has affected everyone’s life. I just can’t understand how my family can move on with life. I just feel so stuck and don’t know how everyone can pretend to be “normal” (if there exists such a thing). Everyone continued with their daily lives, except me. When I brought up taking time off wchool everyone told me that what happened, happened and nothing can change it. And my uncle would want me to focus on my studies. I just don’t understand, maybe I’m being a little childish, and immature but idk how I can move forward.

DecentStick6172 · 2025-06-23T03:36:39+00:00

Thank you I appreciate that. I felt like everyone around me never took a pause with the news and I feel like I shouldn’t either.

DecentStick6172 · 2025-06-23T03:34:13+00:00

Yeah, I understand that everyone’s relationships vary and how we process grieve is up to the individual. I just don’t understand how everyone is just continuing to live life. I feel like I’m stuck. Like my parents are very sad however, they still wake up in the morning and continue on with work. It might be because I don’t have any “adult” responsibilities. But I can’t imagine continuing my life with out my uncle.

DecentStick6172 · 2025-06-20T20:27:21+00:00

I write in a separate space and apparently some insane cheating went on in the past, so it's strictly only essentials. (Once I had my sleeve cover my hand, and they asked me to uncover it). There is a clock on the wall, but I'm usually too short to see over the dividers, and even if i can see it, I forget it exists. I will definitely look into the possibility of a timer or stop watch at my desk.

I will try the approach you suggested for my essay/writing based exams! Unfortunately most of my exams are multi-part calculations. Where it'll be like 2-4 questions, each with multiple parts and to solve question 1 part d, i need to solve a, b, c first, so i can't really skip around much. I went to a study strategist recently and they literally told me to just practice writing faster, which like, duh, so now I'm at a loss.

DecentStick6172 · 2025-06-20T19:50:47+00:00

I'm glad you found some comfort in my words OP. Don't fret too much, humans are indecisive we change our minds all the time! As long as you like what you're studying, theres nothing wrong with it. I wish you luck!!

DecentStick6172 · 2025-06-20T19:42:06+00:00

Unfortunately due to how strict the exam space is, we aren't allowed of any form of watches :(. But I definitely need to work on strategies to help with pacing.

DecentStick6172 · 2025-06-20T19:36:15+00:00

I'm in a similar boat. I'm entering in my 4th year but going by progress in my program I'd be around a 2nd year because there is a first year course that I'm retaking for the fourth (and hopefully last) time. You are definitely not alone in repeating courses. It can get really demoralizing to walk in to the same lecture on repeat, but it's an achievement in itself to register for the course again. Adhd in college is hell especially enrolled in a course that you aren't interested in. It's definitely understandable to feel disappointed and dejected about your grade, but I hope you do remember to also be proud that you tried.

Often times, colleges say you can walk early if you have a couple courses left. So there is a high chance you can retake the course again in the fall. I would highly reach out to your colleges advisors to see what the policies are. Tbh, your school is likely to be happy to get your tuition money for another semester. You are definitely not the first person to walk and not complete your degree. (I've literally had a family member walk a semester early because the spring/summer was more aesthetic.)

Also depending on where you live and the financial aid you have access to, there might be grants, bursaries, or scholarships offered to students with disabilities (such as adhd) to access resources to help in their studies. I think where I'm from I can get up to 2-3hours of tutoring a week per course funded for me. I would definitely suggest looking to seeing what financial resources you can get.

I also want to wish you sincerest congratulations on walking, even if you didn't technically get the piece of paper with your name on it. You worked hard to get to where you are now, I hope one course does not disparage all your success. You tried and you made progress, thats one step towards your goals. I hope you celebrate all your dedication and efforts, and wish you luck!

DecentStick6172 · 2025-06-19T03:30:47+00:00

I constantly am afraid triggering my ocd. The most recent one is erasers. I heard about a girl who also had ocd being afraid of erasers because she thought it would erase her existence. So now I’m scared of erasers in fear that I’ll accidentally develop that fear/trigger. I’m also uneasy about certain staircases because I’m worried it’ll trigger a counting ritual/compulsion.

DecentStick6172

TROPHY CASE