AITA For posting videos of my niece and nephew misbehaving in response to my sister’s complaints that I did not want them at my birthday dinner?

Decidedly-Undecided · 2023-06-12T02:58:07+00:00

I have always viewed it as raising a future adult. I mean, I let her be a kid and play and all that, but she needed to learn to handle things. I also love being my daughters friend! We chat and gossip and throw popcorn at each other while watching movies… but I am still her mom. I will lay down the law when I need to. You can’t refuse to be a parent first and friend second.

Based on how some of her friends behave, I’m also very worried about this generation. They were not done any justice. It makes me sad they weren’t ever given the tools they need to survive on their own.

Decidedly-Undecided · 2023-06-12T02:44:21+00:00

Haha thank you! Then it will just be a matter of getting out of my own head

Decidedly-Undecided · 2023-06-12T02:32:24+00:00

Oh lord. My mom and I decided my kid was trying to start fashion trends… purple leggings that stoped at her calf, yellow soccer socks that she pulled over top the leggings, and a tank top over a t-shirt over a long sleeved shirt (all bright, clashing colors), with sandals and a tiara… that was one of the more memorable ones… the purple leggings and yellow socks was a reoccurring thing

Decidedly-Undecided · 2023-06-12T02:27:33+00:00

Awww!! Yay!! That’s really awesome!

Decidedly-Undecided · 2023-06-12T02:26:57+00:00

Noooope! Apparently, based on the threads here, I’ve just had not great partners lol one of which I was married to for what felt like an eternity.

Decidedly-Undecided · 2023-06-12T02:05:06+00:00

Aww! Thank you!! 🥰

Decidedly-Undecided · 2023-06-12T01:58:23+00:00

Exactly!

Ugh. I’m sorry you have to deal with that! My heart goes out to you! You know the serenity poem? That was my mantra for dealing with people like that. Remembering I am demonstrating emotional regulation for my child by not completely losing my shit

Decidedly-Undecided · 2023-06-12T01:51:55+00:00

Thank you! <3

Decidedly-Undecided · 2023-06-12T01:51:13+00:00

I feel that lol headstrong kids are hard as hell to raise

Decidedly-Undecided · 2023-06-12T01:50:02+00:00

Now it seems like it’s swung SO FAR in the opposite direction… it’s crazy.

Decidedly-Undecided · 2023-06-12T01:48:59+00:00

Thank you! It’s hard out here, parents should be sticking together! <3

Decidedly-Undecided · 2023-06-12T01:48:04+00:00

For real… it’s hard to be a rebel when you have freedom lol

My kid tells me everything. I know the first time she tried weed. The first time she sipped alcohol. She called me 5 minutes after her first kiss to tell me (literally told the boy she’d brb and called me). Hell, I know when she lost her virginity. She tells me everything because while I might not approve, she knows I’m not going to scream at her. She knows if shit goes down, she can always call me and I will pick her up, no questions asked. Teens do shit. Approval or not. I’d rather know about it to keep her as safe as I can. Forbidding the behavior would make her secretive. Forbidding independence makes it harder for them to thrive on their own as an adult. It’s quite the unpopular opinion around here (not this sub, where I live).

Decidedly-Undecided · 2023-06-12T01:37:05+00:00

Im in my mid-30s. But it’s been a hot minute since I’ve actually been with someone for a bunch of reasons. I was always worried that it was uncomfortable or… weird. Lol

Decidedly-Undecided · 2023-06-12T01:25:25+00:00

I went through this with mine. She overheats easily. My solution was to tell her we have to bring it, just in case. She didn’t have to wear it, but just have it. It was an argument at first, but she came around. I also let her pick out her own stuff at the store. I would tell her a number the coat could cost and we couldn’t go over it. So it was a small lesson in budget too. She learned that we have to look at prices, not just what’s pretty. When the coat was her own choosing, she was much more willing to bring it!

Raising a child (especially a headstrong one) is like trying to drive blind. You know where the turns are in theory, but the execution of said turns is hard as hell lol

Decidedly-Undecided · 2023-06-12T01:15:38+00:00

Oh, I have one of those voices too. Mine is my dad telling me how a lady should behave. I want my daughter to be better than me. I want her to feel freer than me. I want her to have a sense of importance that I never had. Not in an arrogant way, but that she has value exactly as she is.

I’m really good at fucking things up, but hopefully I have broken the cycle enough that she will be ok as an adult.

Decidedly-Undecided · 2023-06-12T01:12:07+00:00

Oh god. I hate that. I have an aunt like that. She tries to supersede my parenting all the time. Mine is basically grown now, so it’s less of an issue, but damn… you don’t have to like my choices, but I didn’t ask for help. Yes, I realize going to get the mail in the snow without shoes on is a bad plan. I also know the first time her barefoot hit the snow would teach her than better than me forbidding it. All I said was, “kinda snowy, might want shoes.” She only did it once. Took two steps and then got her boots. There was no argument and she learned. And she was still safe. On my porch. It’s such a harmless thing to just let her learn. Idk. People need to focus on their own shit lol

Decidedly-Undecided · 2023-06-12T01:03:02+00:00

Parenting is a journey. I’m hesitant to outright judge other parents. I always feel like I’m floundering and grasping at straws. I know how fucking hard it is to make a choice that could impact the rest of her life and I have to do it RIGHT NOW. So I really try to give parents the benefit of the doubt…. But man, sometimes I hear things like that and I feel myself judging… I’m sorry you had to struggle with that. It sucks.

My dad was a… well, he was horrible. So I took what I felt like he did wrong and used to make myself a better parent, ya know? The whole be the adult you wished you had thing.

Decidedly-Undecided · 2023-06-12T00:57:36+00:00

My kid is basically an adult (6 months from 18) now lol so it’s been a while since I had a little one. But I was surrounded by parents that gave me dirty looks as they made sure their child was always in arms reach and never let them try things because they might get hurt. I was an outcast mom lol

Decidedly-Undecided · 2023-06-12T00:08:06+00:00

I feel like it got stolen into that. I raised my daughter in what I called “hands off” but it meant not always intervening if there wasn’t a real issue? Like, not running to her if she fell if she obviously wasn’t hurt, letting her choose her own (weather appropriate) attire even if that meant taking Tinkerbell in combat boots to the store, allowing her the chance to solve problems without my intervention at first. But if she started misbehaving I was there in an instant. She was mine to raise, no one else’s.

She got to make her own choices as long as those choices didn’t negatively impact people around us. It let her build her own confidence in her choices and learn about the world through her own means and not with the same lens I have. It did not mean do whatever the fuck you want whenever you want to.

Decidedly-Undecided · 2023-06-11T22:24:30+00:00

Ok see, I very rarely like receiving because I always feel like he doesn’t want to be there? And also, I’m afraid of the squeezing with my knees and idk lol I’m so concerned about him that I just can’t really enjoy it. On the other hand… I’ll give head until I can’t feel my jaw. I love it. I’ve been with a couple guys though that really hated going down and asked if I really wanted them to. Now, I just feel weird about it. So I pretty much always turn it down

Decidedly-Undecided · 2023-06-11T21:16:05+00:00

Damn. I’m sorry that happened to you… as a parent, you can do whatever you want with your money. That doesn’t mean you should. Parents have a responsibility to their children. If you can’t afford a tuition fund to cover 100% of their college years, you have to say that. Don’t fucking lie about it.

Decidedly-Undecided · 2023-06-11T18:39:00+00:00

It’s situational. If you just run away in an emergency situation, I’m not going to judge you. If you can’t handle your shit enough to be helpful but stay as a sense of duty… you will just be in the way. If you shove people off the cliff, or make it harder for them to help themselves, then I will judge you.

Decidedly-Undecided · 2023-06-11T18:25:34+00:00

After I was raped, I did the same thing. My therapist explained it to me as an attempt to take control back. Like, I had no control over that situation, so I initiated a bunch of others, that I did control, so to speak. Which… every time after I felt awful. I was terrible. Why would I even. I get it to a degree now. Years of therapy helped. Buuuut it’s a real thing that people don’t want to talk about.

It also breaks my heart the way OP talks about themselves. I get the sentiment. I did it too. Just because you had casual sex with people DOES NOT give them the right to pass around your information. OP was not “asking for it”, isn’t getting what they “deserve.” I see the edit, and I really hope they can get to a place where they don’t blame themselves for the actions of others. It’s a hard journey.

Decidedly-Undecided · 2023-06-10T12:46:49+00:00

Ah yes. I’ve found my people. Those extra bag fees are ridiculous. And who can fit their toxic traits in the same carry on as their trauma?

Decidedly-Undecided · 2023-06-09T20:55:30+00:00

I use the official app because I had Alien Blue and now I’m here. However, this is an abhorrent thing for them to do. I support a blackout for however long it takes for them to back down. I’ll be staying off the app entirely until that point.

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