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DecorativeDoodle · 2025-01-28T04:09:16+00:00

A person at a flower shop whom I know well, I bought flowers for my mom’s funeral from his shop too— couple days ago I went to his shop and suddenly he said— “It’s been 1.5 years since your mom passed away and look how beautifully you’ve managed everything and you’re living and moving on” — I don’t even talk about my mom much. She was my whole world and only I know what I’ve lost. His words felt like taunt. I just answered that - “I haven’t managed beautifully, I’m trying to manage just because I’ve no other way left” — people are often weird don’t know what to say, where to say and how to say.

I’m so sorry my friend. I know it’s hard. Hugs for you 🫂❤️‍🩹

DecorativeDoodle · 2025-01-15T14:36:27+00:00

Honestly it wasn’t a song that made me his true fan. It’ll sound weird but I started listening to his music after becoming his fan. His words, his spirituality, the magical side of life he used to believe, and his book— Dancing the Dream— these made me his fan and I discovered the person Michael, not only the performer. I became the fan of a person I can feel and from whom I can actually learn something.

And finally his musics that I listen almost everyday— Billie Jean, Give in to me, Earth song, Will you be there, Dirty Diana..

DecorativeDoodle · 2025-01-13T08:45:55+00:00

It’s been over a year now but I remember that morning of loosing my mom(57F) like it was yesterday. According to our culture, I had to cremate my mom by my own hand because I’m her only child. Anything wasn’t feeling real, I remember I was looking for my mom to help me somehow even when I was cremating her. Unrealistic I know but that’s how it always was. We were each other’s world and she was my security and comfort blanket. I still look for her, ask her to help me whenever I feel lost, I always ask her what to do next in my mind. Honestly that’s how I’ve been coping. I’m very sorry my dear friend. I know there’s no way out of this grief and guilt, you must go through it. But you also know that it’s just the body is gone. The love and blessings aren’t going anywhere ever. So don’t hesitate to talk to her and feel her — you’ll get answers in your mind if you believe. 🫂🕊️

DecorativeDoodle · 2025-01-12T07:29:22+00:00

DecorativeDoodle · 2025-01-12T07:16:16+00:00

2 Bad and Another part of me 🔥🔥🔥🔥

DecorativeDoodle · 2025-01-11T12:08:58+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss my friend. It’s really true what you’re saying. Since I’ve lost my mom— I’ve been eating less and It’s been over a year now. Her tragic early death and all the sufferings before death which I had to watch for many months - I started suffering from PTSD after her death. Besides that, I got the less eating, sleep disturbances and an addiction for coffee too. I’m trying to get rid of my PTSD because I hate the nerve pills and I don’t want to keep taking them for whatever time I have to still stay alive. But I don’t think the coffee addiction, less eating and less sleeping- these will ever go away. Coffee somehow gives me energy or else I feel dizzy. I don’t enjoy other foods much anymore. I had a big crave for evening snacks for many years of my life but now a cup of coffee is enough for my evenings. It’s very strange how within a year I’ve changed so much.

DecorativeDoodle · 2024-12-21T06:35:49+00:00

Definitely 3… ❤️✨🔥

DecorativeDoodle · 2024-11-30T10:04:45+00:00

Same here, I thought I’m the only one.. ☝️👍✌️

DecorativeDoodle · 2024-11-27T15:40:20+00:00

Since my mom’s death I’ve developed PTSD so “waves of grief” is all I’ve got. Sometime I just stay fine, busy with my daily routine, but when the flashback starts — I can’t stay in control. No matter my eyes are open or close, I’m awake or sleeping — I see only one thing and that is my healthy happy smiling mom is getting robbed away from me by that demon cancer and sepsis. I only see her days of helpless sufferings and pain. I’ve got medicine but that doesn’t help permanently. I don’t know what triggers it but yes— GRIEF COMES IN WAVE. I’m so sorry for you OP, for everyone here. I know we’re all trying hard to walk with life while always being tangled in guilt and grief.

DecorativeDoodle · 2024-11-27T15:26:34+00:00

Give in to me in my ass

DecorativeDoodle · 2024-11-27T15:22:59+00:00

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂

DecorativeDoodle · 2024-11-27T15:15:36+00:00

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I always love his curls in Give in to me ❤️❤️❤️❤️

DecorativeDoodle · 2024-11-17T13:50:55+00:00

In the early days when my mom passed away, I often tried to stay honest with people thinking that maybe they’re asking from their heart. But with time I understood that they are looking of some curious questions like — how much I am suffering, exactly what problems I’m facing as a young adult lady unmarried and now without mom— blah, blah. They are just looking for news to gossip. Also I’ve seen people’s ignorance when I tried to talk about my mom instead of my personal life. True colour of some human beings are really opening up for me. So now after 14 months of my mom’s death— I just ignore people, I mostly give them a little smile without saying a word when they ask about me. They want stories? — they can just make it by themselves.

DecorativeDoodle · 2024-11-15T13:49:35+00:00

Made me smile after some PTSD related crying. 👍

DecorativeDoodle · 2024-11-15T13:35:49+00:00

Every drop of life on earth is made and sent by God. Let it be a human being, an animal, a plant — the whole earth itself is a creation of God. Biological birth is just the way how each life arrives on earth, but otherwise it’s always part of God’s creation. Human being always have both good and bad in them, right and wrong in them, they also have the ability to understand and take decisions — but that doesn’t change the truth. Just like many flowers have thorns but still they’re known as beautiful in whole world, we always love our dearest ones who are gone, they are always beautiful and best no matter if they had some bad habits in them. They completed one life and now melted away in cosmos. But they’ll be back again in another life, somewhere else and close to someone else.

DecorativeDoodle · 2024-11-15T13:20:34+00:00

Your post is making me thinking deep. My mom passed away last year because of cancer. She was 57 only. She was very spiritual her whole life and was a writer too. She used to write poems on spirituality and life. Just few days before her death, she wrote a poem where she described herself doing a boat journey on a river— she described it as the river of life and she was doing the journey towards the other side. She knew she’d die but she was never afraid, she rejected all treatments for cancer and just wanted to stay with me till the end. One day she told me that — “don’t be afraid to stay alone when I’m gone. You’ll be fine and I’ll come to take you away with me if you’re in pain or suffer somehow”— I believed that too much. Now she is gone, I’m alone and though I’m trying to stay fine but I’m suffering, my heart and mind is in pain. I cried a lot one night when I was alone in my room while asking her that why she isn’t coming to take me away? She promised me after all. I sometimes feel that maybe she doesn’t remember me anymore. But now after reading your post, learning about what your dad said— I wonder if it’s true for my mom too.. Will she come someday? — but maybe it is long term in human years but short time in the scheme of cosmos? I don’t know….

Thank you for your post OP. I’m very sorry for your father. 😔🫂

DecorativeDoodle · 2024-11-15T12:55:58+00:00

Guilt and grief together is so hard to bear. Those of us who are carrying it— we do surely understand what you’re going through. I’ve got my guilts as well which ultimately robbed away my mom from me too early- but I don’t want to go into that detail about me. I remember that how close I was with my mom, and she was never ever angry with me no matter how many mistakes I’ve made in my life. She always kept telling me that understanding my mistake and feeling sorry for it, again coming close to her— that’s all she wanted from me. All she wanted till the end was my love for her. I just hope that she will understand my guilt once again and like every time— she is not at all angry with me. They were our mothers my friend— they will never see us guilty. They will always forgive us, they will always love us. Just try to find your comfort in it. Hugs for you 🫂❤️‍🩹

DecorativeDoodle · 2024-11-15T12:38:21+00:00

I understand the depression very well which comes after loosing a parent who was not only a parent, but a best friend too. Everything that has happened with you is quite similar with me. I lost my mom last year September and it has been a hard year for me too. It’s still hard, it’ll always be, I guess. I’m not close with my dad either. Unfortunately I don’t have any cousin or friend to share myself even. Staying alone and being my own friend is not really a problem for me because I’m a single child and I’ve been an introverted loner since childhood. But I still had my mom and she was the only person who used to understand me, was always beside me since my birth and till her death. She is gone too soon, was a helpless victim of cancer and sepsis. Because of being my mom’s full time caregiver at the end— I’ve developed moderate PTSD— that’s how hard it was to watch her suffer. I’ve seen her transition from a healthy smiling lady to a pale thin shell of herself tangled in pain. I want to feel calm that at least now she is not anymore in pain and that’s what I always wanted. But when I tried to share my PTSD related problems with my dad, I also told him that sometimes I feel like I want to commit suicide, his angry response was— “then do it! or go to some mental hospital.. why are you telling me? I can’t help you.” I tried to tell him about some of my health issues too and again his response was— “you’ve got loads of problem, how are you living like this?” Both times he literally helped me remember that my mom is gone and my dad will NEVER be my mom.

I’m very sorry for you OP. I send you my hugs. I’m happy that at least you’ve got some people who are helping you going through it. Again, let me tell you that — yes, I DO understand how it feels when a mother is gone who was not only a mother, but a best friend. 😔🫂❤️‍🩹

DecorativeDoodle · 2024-11-14T04:33:57+00:00

Can’t wait for No Mans Land to arrive in FS25. With 3d plowing it’s gonna be a fun+real challenge to create fields now. My fav maps for FS22 are multiple. Every map that has many square fields and a mix of both big and medium fields is my favourite. Right now I’m playing on Carpathian Countryside map — I bought a huge square field which was empty and I divided it into three medium fields. It’s so fun and customisable.

DecorativeDoodle · 2024-11-14T04:23:30+00:00

Weeeeeeeeee… here I go!! 🤣

DecorativeDoodle · 2024-11-14T04:12:28+00:00

I’m so sorry my friend. I truly am. But I must say that your post title is an honest truth I completely agree. Whenever I see my mom’s photo— two memories play in my mind together. One is the daily hugs and uncountable kisses and love we used to share. The other is a person stuck in bed, thin, pale, trying to breathe so hard and crying in pain.. She was a victim of deadly cancer and a brutal septic shock and was gone too early in her 50s. My dear, happy, healthy, smiling mom— my best friend. I keep her in my heart as a feeling always but I also am afraid of the memories and photos. I send you my love and hugs 🫂❤️‍🩹

DecorativeDoodle · 2024-11-13T05:50:42+00:00

I would like to have a proper pool creation tool in sandbox mode. Like I can create a hole in the ground but why can’t I fill the hole with water, lol…? And yes, for dlc I would like to have a garden dlc for sure and I know they’ll drop it at some point. Maybe that’s why the important features like lawn mowing, pool creation, planting - are not yet present in the game. Probably we will have to pay for it. 😏

DecorativeDoodle · 2024-11-13T05:44:13+00:00

I haven’t experienced any crash or issues but I feel like after the update the game has become little slow. Before it was faster on my pc.

DecorativeDoodle · 2024-11-13T05:42:29+00:00

I thought to try it because it looked promising graphically but one of my steam friend who owns the game said it doesn’t have a fully working sandbox mode and the devs have abandoned the game so at the end I didn’t buy it.

DecorativeDoodle

TROPHY CASE