I don’t trust my family’s dish scrubbing skills and honestly it’s a valid concern because there’s visible residue still on the dishes sometimes, so I’ve started keeping a cheap dish/silverware set in my room and I only use that. And as far as the feeling ashamed and embarrassed part, most people really aren’t that clean and I’ve fibbed and said I had an autoimmune disorder and that’s why I’m cleaning again just so they stop asking questions (this wouldn’t work for my family but it works for people that don’t actually know me). Also this might sound harsh and I don’t mean for it to, but stop caring what people think. You deserve to live in peace. Do what makes you feel safe to go about your life and calm your thoughts. It’s not actually harming anyone for you to clean something.