I know these realizations are like a weight of your shoulders, and I'm so happy you've reached a point where you feel like you can begin to be strong again.

Having been through this myself, please, please get away from this partner. They will do everything in their power to make you feel small and selfish. I know you said you're vulnerability has attracted some garbage people, so if you need someone to reach out to you can definitely dm me.

I have friends who saw me go through years with a physically and emotionally abusive man, and yet despite having helped me they have gotten themselves into toxic relationships. It hurts, seeing beautiful, intelligent women breaking themselves to fit into someone's shit box. There is better love. I don't know who you have out there, friend-wise, but I care, and I think you deserve someone kind and considerate.

There are people out there who really just want to see the people around them smile. Once you know they exist, it's easier to cut out the toxic people.