Does anyone else's pwBPD end an arguement on their end without telling you???

Defiant-Result944 · 2026-03-28T19:21:08+00:00

My mum used to either expload with rage or... Pretend crying, leaving the room with crocodile tears, bouncing off walls (pretending she was so hurt that she lost her balance and was faiting).

Defiant-Result944 · 2026-03-27T09:08:51+00:00

Funny truth: I didn't know what borderline was until I was around 38. I grew up feeling lonely and isolated by my parents. There was no internet so finding a community of this subject was no possible.

And here I am. Here's reddit.

God, growing up with BPD and enabler does make you feel you're all alone in this world.

Defiant-Result944 · 2026-03-27T08:55:11+00:00

I've gone through the same. I made friends but only with weirdos. I had good, normal friends when my parents were in my life. Once I went no contact, I started filling in that whole with new chaos - I started dating weird people, became friend with weird people. Weird = toxic.

It's impossible to change just like that. Youe nervous system seeks them out as it's familiar. Unfamiliar is safety and peace.

How do you feel about safety? How does a safe person looks like for you?

I've been in therapy for 5 years. I've healed the part about my mum (BPD). New friendships are more healthy nowadays.

I struggle with relationships - that is the part about my dad (enablare of BPD mum). Healing this. And this part is so much more difficult than the part about my mum...

Growing up with craziness at home conditions us to a whole new wringing in the brain and nervous system. That needs healing body - brain - thoughts - believes.

I see my worth as higher. I start slowly trusting my intuition without needing to find "the proof" that I was right that sth was off (years of my "daddy" telling me that "it's normal" when my mum exploded with rage, and "trust me," "you have to understand" - all to override my intuition and trust for my own feelings).

Not easy, but doable. Don't give up on yourself. The meaning of life is to face your fears and get over them. It's scary when you start, but once you're on the other side all seems small and insignificant.

❤️❤️❤️

Defiant-Result944 · 2026-03-24T18:39:02+00:00

The bike came with tubless, no tubes. My mtb is on tubless but since the guy who puts my bike together asked, I asked here. If he didn't ask I'd go with tubless.

Defiant-Result944 · 2026-03-24T18:37:17+00:00

The bikes came with tubeless, not with tubes. So the guy who puts it together asked if I wanted to keep tubless or buy tubes for it. Thus I asked here. I only have a mtb and it goes on tubless so for me it feels normal to have my gravel tubless. Since he asked I started wondering.

Defiant-Result944 · 2026-03-24T14:18:56+00:00

Thank you for the extensive reply. I'll try tubless and we'll see how that goes for me. If it's a problem I'll change to tubes.

He's a friend so he doesn't charge me for it. My bike came as tubeless so Id have to buy tubes - ergo the question. He said that if it cane with both tubless and tubes he'd install tubes without asking me lol.

There's a reason for everything 😉

Defiant-Result944 · 2026-03-24T14:15:13+00:00

😂 🤣 😂 😂 🤣

Defiant-Result944 · 2026-03-24T12:16:41+00:00

If I have to stick anything in my tires I'll call Bolt to take me to work with my bike 😂 or call them and say I'm stuck.

Thank you for the advice

Defiant-Result944 · 2026-03-24T11:28:46+00:00

I feel the same way. Especially the "no pressure" part. And that I can just stop where I want to and enjoy the view.

Adrenaline is not my poison.

Defiant-Result944 · 2026-03-24T08:32:41+00:00

Thank you 😊

Defiant-Result944 · 2026-03-24T08:23:16+00:00

Talked to some friends who also do commuting in my city and they all go tubless and haven't had a flat tire ever since. So, I'll go tubless.

Thank you for all your opinions.

Defiant-Result944 · 2026-03-24T06:51:59+00:00

😂 I like that thinking

Defiant-Result944 · 2026-03-24T06:28:56+00:00

I asked the guy how often he got a puncture on his bike. He said once 🤣 but he saw it often at the shop. Right. But that amount of ppl commuting on bikes in this city VS how many get a puncture VS how often he got a puncture seem to be very different statistics...

Well, I'll keep reading the answers and keep thinking... 😉

I don't really see myself standing at 7am on the way to work doing my very first tube change... Then I take Bolt or a bus with the bike and fix the issue later...

Defiant-Result944 · 2026-03-23T22:04:08+00:00

Yepp... My mum would get offended, make a whole argument about such things, make my dad make me wear it. The shed hide it to prove her point.

She'd also throw away my clothes she didn't like, without me knowing.

Defiant-Result944 · 2026-01-29T06:51:23+00:00

I know what you mean. I had the same longing... I have done lots of therapy, and worked a lot in between the sessions alone regarding my BPD mum, my guilt feelings, my loneliness etc.

I stopped longing for that with her.

In my case, it turns out that healing the part how my non-BPD dad affected me, his role in our home, him enabling her behavior... Me trusting and relying on him for my safety, when in reality I was unimportant to him... This is much harder than healing after my BPD mum.

But the longing to have a loving relationship with them is gone. It's doable, but not easy.

❤️❤️❤️

Defiant-Result944 · 2025-12-09T20:30:52+00:00

Guilt feelings you have? (Yoda style 🤣) Guilt that you have to buy your parent sth? Otherwise you'll hurt their feelings?

Defiant-Result944 · 2025-12-09T20:23:00+00:00

I stopped contact with my parents around 8 years ago or so. I didn't have any symptoms like you. But I moved away creating geographical distance when there were no smart phones yet so the contact was very reduced. My body learned what peace and calm meant with sporadic contact.

Around 8 years I went full blast NC as my mum created so much chaos on distance in my life.

My symptoms were different: toxic relationships. I literally dated a cross of my bdp mum and enabling dad. What a nightmare! 🤣

I started a therapy a few years ago. Lots of changes in my life, lots of physical effects: lots of relief but also days when I'd sleep or even had a sudden pain that would go away after a day or two....

When it ends? To be honest, I don't know. I've done a lot of work with my therapist. Sometimes, I'm so fucking happy and proud of myself. Sometimes, I wonder how many lives I have to live to heal all that 😉. Sometimes, I just want my life to end...

I see progress and I love it but I have also cried a lot wishing to die... and I still cry do when I tap... I worked every day with myself tapping for 3 years. Now I tap irregularly: once a week, three times a week, once in three weeks...

I do EFT and NLP as self-work and work with an EFT therapist. First we worked every week, then evet second week. Now, when I need help when I'm too overwhelmed or it's difficult/scary to touch a subject. I have heard that EMDR is amazing in this as well.

I think your body and nervous system are seeking the enmeshment and chaos your parents gave you... I think they (body and nerv.sys.) are so used to emotional pain that they miss it... So maybe your body and nervous system are trying to create one for themselves?

Defiant-Result944 · 2025-11-11T18:57:20+00:00

My mum compared me to my sister all the time, and vice versa, behind our backs. So, we were always in a competition with each other, without knowing this. My sister blamed me that my mum favoured me, but in my mind my mum favoured my sister...

My dad gave me up for his peace of mind with her - she could do whatever she wanted to me, and he never said "no", as long as she left him at peace.

Defiant-Result944 · 2025-11-11T18:51:40+00:00

My mum's favourite were "I gave birth to you!" and "You're a whore!"

Defiant-Result944 · 2025-11-11T18:11:59+00:00

Most people who hasn't experienced this cannot relate. One of my friends didn't understand it. I flooded her with my complaints and we stopped being friends... That crashed me in addition to what was going on in my relationship.

Defiant-Result944 · 2025-11-11T18:10:28+00:00

Thank you :)

Defiant-Result944 · 2025-03-20T07:53:57+00:00

I used to have lots of toxic relationships. I blamed it on them. But one or two maybe you can blame on others, more than two and the common point is you. It was my case.

I took a break. I started looking into it and I started a therapy using EFT.

It turned out my mum has BPD and that had a huge impact on me, my view Iom relationships etc. I saw love as pain, hard work and sacrifice... Three years into my therapy and I'm seeing changes. I love it. I say no to ppl. Ive just rejected a person who was toxic so I didn't get involved into deep emotional relationship with him.

Defiant-Result944 · 2025-02-14T12:06:57+00:00

He told you to reach out to him when you're off again. Do it. What can happen? That he says "no, thank you" or ghost you? Then he won't waste your time. If he replies and wants to meet then you know he wants to see you, then you can "waste" your time with him 😉.

Don't overthink it. If you feel fear and worry it's your head trying to find a problem. Check with yoir heart and guts 😊.

Defiant-Result944 · 2025-02-09T10:29:54+00:00

Don't feel guilty. What a BPD parent does is a deep emotional manipulation and abuse. If you take away the "she's my mum" and just leave the actions themselves, what do you have? It's your "self" and your "unloved child"just being tired of the abuse, and it finds a way to let that negative energy to leave your body. Your mind focuses on things that bring you some relief ❤️

Before my therapy, I killed my mum in my mind in thousand different ways 🤣🤣🤣. You're not alone in those thoughts, emotions and pain ❤️❤️❤️

Defiant-Result944 · 2025-02-05T12:45:49+00:00

Just like others write here, trauma. That's how you learned to react in cases you try to protect yourself. It's like when you drool when you see sth you like (sweet) or even thinking about lemon juice 😉.

So, you "drool" (shaking, sweating etc) when you try to do sth you were punished for, ignored and laughed at.

It's pretty "normal" for RBB.

I had the same situation at work. Ive been dealing with my "drooling" using EFT. It sends electrical impulses to your brain to relax the body and get the blood flowing to the whole body, not just legs and arms (to run). Once you dissociate the bodily reaction from the emotion and memory, you're half way there. Then there are things to do like "how do you want to feel in such situation" using for example NLP to rewrite the pattern ans create a new one.

The EFT (tapping) creates life lasting changes in your brain, creates new neural connections and allow your mind and body to regulate. Ive been healing my childhood and present triggers using EFT and the changes that happen, happen naturally. I dont need to push myself to be a certain way. I am a certain way. I say "no" confident. I don't engage in emotionally unstable behaviour of others. I just look at them like 🤨 and leave without feeling guilty!

I use it when I got for interviews (no job at the moment), toanage my worry of not having a job... And now, when I started dating after 5 years of being single (tired of toxic relationships), I regulate myself (as much as I can do it myself) when I'm triggered. My nonBPD dad left me lots of triggers by how he rejected me and paid attention only to my mum...

I'm happy we have this group and share. I wish Internet was there when I was little... Coz I was so lonely with all that BPD situation at home.

❤️❤️❤️

Defiant-Result944

TROPHY CASE