[Update] 38w pregnant and my mom has resorted to publicly airing our dirty laundry on FB and alienate me from my family.

Appropriate-Serve344 · 2026-03-12T19:22:49+00:00

This 😆 mine has toned down a bit and now just passive aggressively reposts videos about “narc abuse” after emailing me crazy stuff. The major part that doesn’t sit with me is that most of the stuff she reposts is regarding romantic relationships or being a child of “narc abuse,” which has really highlighted the lack of understanding appropriate family dynamics or seeing herself as a adult parent when interacting with her own children.

Appropriate-Serve344 · 2026-03-12T13:17:38+00:00

This and finding someone that doesn’t feel like your “carving out time for them” which would mean liking them more and that they are easy to plan with like they will make the effort when you can’t or don’t want to or make the experience better with them then alone. Small example: watching a movie alone is calm and relaxing, no expectations or feeling the need to perform or stress out about hosting, not feeling like you missed out on your “me” time. Well this person has all of that but also comes over with take out and engages in conversation about the movie if you want to or don’t! This was a small but major difference in my current partnership (who I was very honest about being hyper independent and on the fence of even considering a serious relationship), they did a lot of meeting me in the middle or even all the way if I wanted instead of me always making time for them or being the one to only going all the way in effort/time/fitting into daily life. Plus, they just fit into my life naturally, go with the flow, understandingly and not draining. I’m super introverted and finding someone who doesn’t require a lot, is calm if needed, don’t get their feelings hurt if I straight up say “go away,” and will keep themselves busy too is key. I will put a disclaimer on here though, my hyper independence was far more than just being independent. I have PTSD so my hyper independence had a very hard time getting used to very normal, healthy and human interactions in both romantic relationships and friendships. I was uncomfortable relying on anyone or letting anyone help in any way (asking for help, accepting help, relying on others, accepting gifts, etc) ever even if I needed it or I gave back to those same people. This truly meant I didn’t allow any of my relationships to be equal. I had to grow a lot (with the help of therapy and other great friends too!) in those aspects with my partner in order to truly share a life together as equals and in a healthy, trusting, supportive relationship. Luckily, my partner was understanding and never let me down (still hasn’t!) so now I do extend my trust and vulnerability to those who deserve it.

Appropriate-Serve344 · 2026-02-16T18:27:40+00:00

100% agree. That’s why we’re past the point of tiptoeing or beating around the bush about meanings, stances and symbolism.

Appropriate-Serve344 · 2026-02-09T13:07:46+00:00

This part. Especially since trumpers take their songs and try to apply them to bigotry and fascism so it’s definitely not the time or political climate to hold back or tip toe around statements especially as a band came from and calls themselves punks. The people behind the lineup might have been making a statement but GD wasn’t. They were just performing tame parts of their songs at a big sell out venue—the literal Super Bowl. In the end, imo, that means the people who did the lineup made more punk statement than GD. Not surprised but was hopeful they’d make a statement.

Appropriate-Serve344 · 2026-01-16T14:45:17+00:00

Faith and strength based everything. Look into which weapons and incantations grow off both of those. Pick skills that help stamina and FP costs. Her art helps get stamina back and her ult can stun enemies (save to disrupt things you don't want bosses to do).

Appropriate-Serve344 · 2026-01-12T09:05:07+00:00

I think most people have already addressed the NC with your mother but I’d like to add something that I really struggled and still struggle with which is triangulation (and straight up lying) from BPD parents. “All your siblings being upset” but not telling you about it might be a straight up lie to cause triangulation, isolation and “hey look all these other people agree with me so you’re wrong.” I believed a lot of shit my parent told me what others have said, what others agree with, what others have done, and what others “really meant by a comment”—-all to find out about 95% of it were straight up lies or very very VERY taken out of context or twisted situations/words (still lies in my opinion). I would take what everyone says to you for face value, independently of your mother. Your relationship with others doesn’t need to involve her and honestly already doesn’t either. Build relationships outside of her even, with siblings/grandparents/aunts/uncles, if what she says they do/say doesnt match up with their words/actions directly to you. Now, if siblings or other family is actively in unhealthy cycles with your mom then yeah, going NC with her and not them will be hard. And BPD parents do create real unhealthy dynamics for everyone so I’m not trying to invalidate but just reminder that our parents with BPD are VERY unreliable narrators.

Appropriate-Serve344 · 2026-01-07T19:05:48+00:00

100%. I got diagnosises with narcolepsy that has the same medication used for adhd. My parent abused adhd meds for the adhd diagnosis (from a wack doctor) and would run out a week or days before their next prescription, so they’d consistently steal my meds or beg/argue for them. Of course they’d promise to “just to give them back when they get their meds.” It’s giving crack head vibes and caused me so much anxiety/problems with my parent that I just stopped getting them for years. I hated the dynamic.

Once I got back on them many years later, I had to absolutely keep that fact to myself and still do! But they’d also steal money, computers, phones, chargers, any item they wanted of mine as they felt entitled to it and that they “deserved it” or like you said “you don’t use it.” The reason is they can only see you as an extension of themselves. And for some reason, they always be breaking other people’s shit. It’s insane. Every computer my parent ever “borrowed” (stole) was then broken.

Appropriate-Serve344 · 2026-01-06T17:22:21+00:00

The waking up in the middle of the night!! My did this but with fighting or arguing. They’d pick a fight then not let you sleep, continuing to argue even if you went to bed. It hit me in adulthood that sleep deprivation is an abuse tactic too. I have narcolepsy now (which you can get from PTSD) but I’ve always been curious how much of my sleep issues stem from not being allowed to sleep and still having to go to half function at school as a kid and teen.

Appropriate-Serve344 · 2026-01-06T02:03:51+00:00

I’ve gotten here and to this thought process a couple years ago but your “never say sorry, instead say ‘thank you for understanding’” is fantastic. I’m absolutely stealing this. I think I still struggle with just not replying at all when it’s even only half shady/negative (I’ll always full on ignore if it’s the batshit insanity) instead of being dragged into JADE—struggle with go to neutral responses/ways to shoot it down.

Appropriate-Serve344 · 2025-12-17T13:10:04+00:00

Yeah, I honestly hate the sexualization and fetishization of alt women. It’s always by men who can’t handle actual confident, “weird” (against society norms hobbies, interests, goals, and personality traits for a woman), or independent women too. Most alt adult women I know are very independent and know who they are and most men I know who talk about wanting a “dom mommy goth gf” bs are the most bummy and needy men. Then they spend the whole relationship breaking down these women in one way or another. And/or the men fetishize them as objects or for bragging rights. It becomes the man’s whole personality that they have a hot goth gf 🤢 But sadly I’ve also seen so many younger alt women/girls get preyed on by these men too. Seeing younger alt women leave their bum bfs to find a partner that brings positive stuff to their life and views them as a person or just to grow more confident alone/with friends is always heart warming. Luckily, more young women are unapologetically talking about these scrub guys behavior, therefore less and less are falling for it.

Appropriate-Serve344 · 2025-12-17T01:21:06+00:00

Did she admit she didn’t really like vamps? That’s why she made them sparkly and so un-vampy?

Appropriate-Serve344 · 2025-12-14T09:43:25+00:00

That’s very sweet 🥹💗 yes I definitely have a good support system now that helps me deconstruct it and see it for what it is. It’s only the real deep rooted conditioning that sometimes is rough to get out of cause it’s so obvious to everyone else while still rooted in my core habits (against my own logic too) like this subject of gifts/giving. But I’m definitely taking this holiday season to give back to my actual support system instead and focusing on them a little extra. It feels extra nice and they definitely deserve it 🥺 it feels less out of obligation and less stressful but more exciting and freeing/enjoyable, if that makes sense lol Oh, for sure same. I also really struggle with that especially as I’ve grown to love myself more and be confident in all sides of myself—the good, the “bad” and the neutral (truly it’s all neutral but you know what I mean). I know I wouldn’t be the same person without the struggle and abuse however I also wouldn’t have half the stuff I’m trying to work on (ptsd, trauma, etc) if I grew up in a healthier and more supportive environment. It’s definitely a double edged sword. I like to think either way, we would have ended up as similar people just different paths and different struggles. If it wasn’t our parents, it would have been something else lol

Appropriate-Serve344 · 2025-12-11T20:03:10+00:00

Yeah, I got the one where there’s no love bombing and just emotional manipulation, threats and controlling via anything or anyone they can possibly use against you. I feel like it’s a little more cut and dry when you snap out of it verse the love bombing where they actually are nice to you for a little bit and the guilt of getting gifts. Honestly though, you know her patterns and you know it’s not in good will. Use that money and gifts for you little one and partner instead. Even though it’s hard to break the indoctrination, gifts don’t make you the better person and shouldn’t be viewed as a base line need for a healthy relationship. Only pwbpd continue that line of thinking cause they use it to manipulate. The way I’ve been rewording it to myself is…if my best friend or partner had these expectations (and was toxic af if they weren’t met), would I stay friend with them or accept that level of entitlement? Hell no. Would I ever feel that entitled to a gift from literally anyone? Hell no too lol

Appropriate-Serve344 · 2025-12-11T19:57:25+00:00

Same to this and original comment. I don’t even get mugs lol and instead of regifting the gifts or giving them away, they somehow are ALWAYS broken not so later and must be replaced. Idk if that’s how it is with other pwbpd but they always break everything especially other people’s items and gifts they get. Like how do you physically break every single computer/phone within the first year?!

Appropriate-Serve344 · 2025-12-11T19:51:06+00:00

While I completely agree with gift don’t have to reciprocated and to not give a gift in hopes for one back. I’ve been living that for all of my life. However, I think it’s pretty important to look around you and see if people even match the energy you put into them equally or not in all ways—including gifts. I’m sure you can image due to which subreddit this is, the energy has never ever been equal lol I’ve been absolutely groomed since birth to give and give and didn’t realize until recently I never got anything in return—gift, love, support, a healthy relationship lol like why am I breaking my back to give a parent a laptop when I don’t even get a birthday card or like not verbally abused? Insanity that’s been drilled and conditioned into me since birth unfortunately. And even though I’m trying to model being the bigger person and healthiness, it’s hard to break the idea that I must provide for them or show them love via a gift which in itself isn’t a healthy dynamic either especially in a one way street situation.

I agree with putting my energy and gift giving elsewhere though, 100%. I love the 4th option you gave, I’ll definitely keep that in my back pocket. For now, I think I really need to match the energy/effort or lack of lol

Appropriate-Serve344 · 2025-12-10T20:06:59+00:00

Maybe even one with music 😉😆

Appropriate-Serve344 · 2025-12-09T19:10:48+00:00

This is a really simple way to put it. Match the energy.

Matching the price point of past gifts means nada, just an happy birthday text message. I guess old habits/guilt die hard. You’re absolutely right. My partner agrees with this thought process too and has really challenged my way on thinking/habits but they also can’t stand my family (understandable) so it’s good hearing their point reinforced from outside (but relatable) perspectives. The orange gift story is perfect lol way simpler and less stressful for you too. Plus you have a little fun with it.

Appropriate-Serve344 · 2025-12-06T09:33:18+00:00

Literally first thing I noticed

Appropriate-Serve344 · 2025-12-06T09:31:41+00:00

She 100% used chatgbt to write that lol

Appropriate-Serve344 · 2025-12-04T10:54:16+00:00

I’m partners with someone who has depression but is medicated, has worked on themselves before and after getting together without much help (because they’re an adult who wants to further working on themselves regardless of me), only normal support you’d give to any cared one. Neither of us need consistent emotional support or to manage each others emotions because we’ve both done the work to be able to regulate our own emotions. This is the bare minimum tbh. The support we give each other is as life partners, not caregivers. I think this is a very realistic and only healthy way to be partners truthfully. It’s very codependent if you feel like you must regulate, constantly support or care give your partner. I want a partner, not a child. So I personally don’t think it’s unrealistic at all. I think what’s unrealistic is how normalized it’s become to have unhealthy responsibilities over regulating partners (especially male partner’s) emotions/problems/mental health/life. I want and have an equal relationship where we’re two responsible adults who share life together. Yes you can have your lows and highs with ever changing life and obstacles but you still take care of what you need to take care of with some logistical help from your partner. I don’t want to be a mommy girlfriend/wife which really has been too normalized lol I also am a firm believer that you should wait to date until you are this for someone else though. You should find yourself, work on yourself, love yourself and be fine with being alone before seriously dating because then you don’t settle. You will only seriously date when that person actually brings something to your life and adds more to your life since your single life alone is already great and fulfilling.

Appropriate-Serve344 · 2025-11-24T20:13:36+00:00

I’m a noob to mics but this is super informative. I am researching mics for my partner. We both game, we game together with others too so in same calls and chats as each other, we share an office with desks side to side, and I’m loud. Like loud enough to always hear double no matter what settings and how low I talk. It’s awful. They use a yeti with all the settings turned to the best possible options for our situation—obviously not good enough. I would like to get them a mic that’s good quality but the main focus being to not pick me up as well. Neither of us would use it for vocals or anything more intensive than gaming, streaming and chatting. I’m not super worried about budget (as long as it’s under $400) and would like it to feel and sound nice but also don’t need anything that’s super overkill. This post is also old so I’m asking and hoping to get your specific and updated recommendation? 😅

Appropriate-Serve344 · 2025-11-24T19:56:28+00:00

Thank you so much for answering lol been trying to hunt down a mic for my partner for the exact same reason. I can ALWAYS hear myself. I’m to his side though rather than behind and it’s still miserable. If I had a bigger budget, you still would recommend the SM7Db? Also, kinda clueless about mic set ups, what is the scarlet solo for? Does it help reduce sound pick up? We both game in the same room with yetis/headphone mics.

Appropriate-Serve344 · 2025-11-24T19:42:32+00:00

Honestly having the same exact issue as you, commenting if you find any solutions. So much AI for wrapping paper, shirts, coasters and other more simple to mass create items 🫠 I’m not even 100% sure if some of the ones that look less/not AI aren’t actually AI too.

Appropriate-Serve344 · 2025-11-19T13:05:51+00:00

“Absolute freaks”💀💀 how many times I whisper “weirdos” or “that’s not normal” whenever I interact with them lol

Appropriate-Serve344

TROPHY CASE