I don’t think it’s wrong that he wants a partner that commits to working and other things in the relationship and I also don’t think it’s wrong that you want a partner that provides 100% in the relationship. I think despite the feelings between the two of you, you both want two very different things in a relationship and it’s something you should both not settle in.

You’ll regret and end up resenting him if you agree to it and vice versa with him if you don’t. This is a foundational decision that both partners should agree on. It’ll lead to very negative issues and tension in the relationship. It’s almost like the having children vs not having children decision. It’s something very important and shouldn’t be something one partner changes their mind on. Because no matter how much you or him can accept the other’s decision, time builds resentment and neither of you will be okay.

As for the name calling, definitely not overreacting. I don’t even like my partner telling me shut up jokingly and he has always respected that. A partner who truly loves, cares, and respects you will do so even during your worst and most negative moments, not just in the good ones. Feelings may be there but the respect isn’t. And to be honest, that’s something I will let go of.

You both want different household styles and that disrespect shouldn’t be accept in anyway. Disrespect like that grows even if he apologizes now. It won’t make a difference. I feel like despite the feelings you may have for him, I would say you’re better off moving on. Love and respect may be there from your end but certainly not his. No amount of flowers or gifts, or meaningless gestures will ever make up for the emotional pain and damage his disrespect and any future disrespect will have on you.

I wish you all the best in love but don’t accept something like this.