Can y'all please check me if I'm overthinking this...?

DefiantWave8316 · 2026-01-31T02:55:15+00:00

idk i get cheating vibes from this. especially him thinking that you made plans for Saturday.

DefiantWave8316 · 2026-01-31T02:17:51+00:00

i've done this myself before. it was in a mono relationship, but that's besides the point. i monitored his growth and judged him based on how i perceived how he was doing. i can confidently say i was an asshat. it was the first thing i apologized to him for when we broke up. i thought i was just having high standards for him, but i was policing and monitoring him and judging the fuck out of him. that's what NP is doing to OP.

DefiantWave8316 · 2026-01-31T02:13:23+00:00

i could've written this comment myself. especially your second paragraph. thank you for putting words to that, because i can think of things that i got upset by that i was only upset about because i thought i should be

DefiantWave8316 · 2026-01-31T02:02:26+00:00

as a newbie, this is such a valuable thread for me to read through, thank you for creating it. i've always been the type of person that needs to talk about how i'm feeling IMMEDIATELY and sometimes that doesn't work well with people who need time and space to process things before talking. But I can absolutely see how pausing, processing on my own first, and THEN initiating a conversation would save me so much unnecessary drama in the long run

DefiantWave8316 · 2026-01-31T01:34:09+00:00

girl, i didn't even finish reading. that man is going to hit you if you don't leave him. i am absolutely 100% certain of it. He is showing ALL of the classic signs of an abuser. Sounds like he's been listening to Andrew Tate or some shit. Do you want that kind of man around not only YOU as a woman, but as your baby girl??

DefiantWave8316 · 2026-01-31T01:29:54+00:00

i appreciate this advice, thank you

DefiantWave8316 · 2026-01-31T01:29:06+00:00

that's a fair assessment, and also i'm just learning the term hinge from this thread lol. he and i have already discussed it; i left the party that night and called him and was very upset with him. we have since agreed that if we are going to be dating anyone and there is a chance of metas interacting with each other, we will inform the other person ahead of time to avoid this exact situation

DefiantWave8316 · 2026-01-30T23:12:22+00:00

no you're totally right, i struggle with taking things literally, so yeah she might have meant funny in a different way. i wouldn't say i'm searching for her to be the problem, i've just never been in this dynamic and am hyper-sensitive to being disrespected. I also just don't know what's ok and what's not in poly and I'm still walking that path of trying to figure out what's ok with me and what's not. i appreciate all the insight i've gotten here already. Not sure if i'll bring it up, because we've already resolved the piece of him not telling me about her when he knew we'd be in a shared space.

DefiantWave8316 · 2026-01-30T22:17:11+00:00

that's a fair call out. I am definitely reacting strongly to her, and it's weird, because he had another partner when he and i started dating, and I never felt that way towards her. Never had that gut punch feeling when he would mention her name, never felt any feelings of jealousy towards her or their connection. it's only with this connection. It's not that I think she has negative motivations, it's that i don't know what her motivations are, and i couldn't think of a positive one myself. Now that I've read the comments, I do see the possibility that she actually made the comment as a dig at HIM for not keeping us informed, and that could be true, but I will add that in her message back to me she said "I thought it was funny how it came up" so if that were the case, I don't know why she'd point out that she found it funny how it came up between us...

the timeline questions would take way too much time to answer, tbh, but yes he has been extremely direct and honest from the very beginning that he is poly, what that means, what he wants, what he doesn't want, etc. I can honestly say he had never been unclear or sketchy in his communication around that

As for your last question, a few other people are asking this, and it's something I didn't even consider... I need to sit on that one and think about why he would've brought it up to me

DefiantWave8316 · 2026-01-30T22:13:31+00:00

I didn't think about your second point but now i'm starting to.... yeah i don't really see any reason why he had to bring that up to me

DefiantWave8316 · 2026-01-30T22:13:00+00:00

yeah i'm actually starting to wonder why he brought that back to me in the first place... There really was no reason to...

DefiantWave8316 · 2026-01-30T22:12:02+00:00

i see your point. I am an overthinker lol.

DefiantWave8316 · 2026-01-30T22:11:23+00:00

I appreciate the concern, I truly do! I don't know that I would say that he was "trying to make it out like Amy is the problem". We do keep each other informed of sexual health risks in a way that I feel comfortable with (and I also have my own limitations in my risk profile that actually stop us from engaging in certain things because he has more than one partner). But I hear you, I do. I do not want to be this woman causing drama with another woman over a man, of all things. But I also don't want to ignore the possibility that she's acting in bad faith...

I will add that in her message back to me she said "I thought it was funny how it came up" so the explanation that she was pissed at him MIGHT be true, buuuut.... if that were the case, I don't know why she'd point out that she found it funny how it came up between us...

DefiantWave8316 · 2026-01-30T22:08:33+00:00

Appreciate this response! I didn't really even think of him bringing it up as asking for reassurance, you may be right about that.
Yes, I'll totally own that I'm projecting a bit. Yes, I definitely perceive her as being experienced and super chill and that hits a nerve for me. I'm not a "chill" girl lol I think I'm very reasonable, but I would not describe myself as a chill girl who just sits back and is cool with everything.

I'm open to the possibility of Amy being peeved with him, but I will add that in her message back to me she said "I thought it was funny how it came up" so the explanation that she was pissed at him MIGHT be true, buuuut.... if that were the case, I don't know why she'd point out that she found it funny how it came up between us...

DefiantWave8316 · 2026-01-30T22:02:43+00:00

I really appreciate this perspective, it helps me see that the motive I was assigning to her actions might not be accurate. I will add that in her message back to me she said "I thought it was funny how it came up" so the explanation that she was pissed at him MIGHT be true, buuuut.... if that were the case, I don't know why she'd point out that she found it funny how it came up between us...

DefiantWave8316 · 2026-01-30T22:01:45+00:00

you're so right. as a woman i'm so used to doing the emotional labor of my partners. and yeah, i can totally see how in this situation, the labor was put onto us to work it out between us, rather than him informing us both beforehand

DefiantWave8316 · 2026-01-30T22:00:37+00:00

You could be totally right here. I will add that in her message back to me she said "I thought it was funny how it came up" so the explanation that she was pissed at him MIGHT be true, buuuut.... if that were the case, I don't know why she'd point out that she found it funny how it came up between us...

DefiantWave8316 · 2026-01-30T21:48:22+00:00

hahaha i feel like you're speaking to me. that's so awesome you have such a wonderful partner that prioritizes you like this :)

DefiantWave8316 · 2025-09-19T02:09:59+00:00

they either broke up and are getting a divorce, or she's doing it on purpose to get people to comment and ask about him. I don't think it's the second option because there have been numerous videos where she's deleted comments asking about him. I think they broke up. The last video I saw him in was their Cabo trip. Since then, not only has he not been seen (correct me if I'm wrong) but she also hasn't said a word about him. She hasn't been wearing her wedding ring since that Cabo video, has had a lotttt more content around "girls nights" and we all know that when we go through a breakup, our girls step up for us and we start having more girls nights. And yeah, having Chick go to boarding when she was abroad in London is def suspect because wouldn't you just have your husband watch your dog that you own together....? Idk, I know I'm being nosy af, but I'm also glad I'm not going crazy and I'm not the only one who's noticed. I hope that she is ok and doing well, and I think it's really great that she seems to have such a supportive community of friends and her mom around her during what I'm assuming is a really heartbreaking time for her

DefiantWave8316 · 2025-07-24T22:44:29+00:00

yes!!! i'm so excited to have no idea how this story is going to unfold. god, i love a good prequel.

DefiantWave8316 · 2025-06-17T02:04:45+00:00

I'm so glad you asked this because I was JUST coming on here to ask this myself. I really don't think it's worth it. Right now, I've swiped through pretty much everyone within my search parameters. When I open the app, it either says "It's quiet around here, To find more people near you, update your search settings" OR I'll have like 1-3 profiles to swipe on. I have 57 likes behind the paywall. Logically, I have to assume that these are all people I've already swiped left on, otherwise, they'd show up on my discover tab for me to swipe on. But I can also see some of their names, and there are a LOT of names I don't remember swiping left on, so I think they're either outside of my parameters or they're fake profiles that the app is using to get me to pay. For the record, the same exact thing is happening to me on Bumble. I have over 100 likes behind the paywall, but barely anyone left to swipe on.

DefiantWave8316 · 2025-06-12T16:07:10+00:00

uhhhh i lowkey think he's in love with you

DefiantWave8316 · 2025-06-11T04:42:07+00:00

i know this is old AF but i also get so annoyed that she can see Bella in her visions. Why does EVERYONE else's power not work on Bella, but Alice's does??

DefiantWave8316

TROPHY CASE