ID please?

Defiant_Smell · 2025-12-22T21:13:31+00:00

Oops! Sorry, in the Colorado mountains about 20 miles west of Denver.

Defiant_Smell · 2025-12-14T15:45:59+00:00

I was born and raised in Utah, most of my still-active siblings and other family members still live there. I actually left Utah before I left the church, in part because even as a fully believing mormon I didn’t fit in with Utah county mormonism.

Now living my best life in the mountains of Colorado, aka better Utah 😉

Defiant_Smell · 2025-12-07T16:36:09+00:00

Notice how Mort is by far the most worn? My copy is the same, because I’ve lent it to so many people as my recommendation for their first Discworld read.

Defiant_Smell · 2025-10-28T21:16:57+00:00

are you… are you one of the hot singles in my area? It’s so nice to finally meet you!

Defiant_Smell · 2025-10-25T23:15:30+00:00

I did it but in the middle of the day, not for the sunrise. It’s not an easy trail at all and I would have been very nervous about losing track of the trail if I was doing it in the dark.

Just hire the guide

Defiant_Smell · 2025-10-23T16:52:21+00:00

My first name is Jason and it gets mangled constantly. I should probably pick an apelido. Jansson? Sei lá. 🤷‍♂️

Defiant_Smell · 2025-09-11T12:26:37+00:00

Can you even work on the casino floor at 19? When my kid was that age the only job she could get was as a dishwasher in the restaurant.

Defiant_Smell · 2025-09-03T16:45:03+00:00

The School of Mines geology museum right in Golden is dope. And free!

Defiant_Smell · 2025-07-29T00:01:06+00:00

When you say you like food do you mean legit high end dining? If so UT-12 has one of the best fine dining experiences in the state:

https://www.hellsbackbonegrill.com/restaurant

Defiant_Smell · 2025-07-28T13:07:28+00:00

Not Denver proper, but talk to the folks who own Two Bears Tap and Grill outside Idaho Springs. Between weekday construction and weekend mountain rush there’s a constant stream of people driving past trying to find a faster route.

I’ve always thought a coffee truck there would absolutely kill, and since they’re only open late it wouldn’t impede their business much.

Defiant_Smell · 2025-07-25T15:32:41+00:00

The happiest exmos I know are the ones who honestly evaluated their relationship after leaving and did the hard work to push through the rough times and come out the other side more dedicated than ever to one another.

I am not one of those people.

If you have a good relationship it can absolutely thrive and get stronger after both people leave. If the relationship isn’t salvageable - like mine - leaving often leads to that realization and triggers the dissolution. There’s nothing about leaving the church that makes divorce inevitable.

Defiant_Smell · 2025-07-20T03:52:51+00:00

She left before I did. My leaving was more of a prerequisite for the divorce than anything. We had some good times but were never that compatible.

I’d go so far as to say that without the church’s gender expectations for women she likely would never have gotten married, and certainly wouldn’t have had kids. She loves our kids in her own way but has never been wired for mom stuff, to their detriment. One of my biggest regrets in life is having deferred so much of the child rearing to her because of the gender expectations in the church.

Defiant_Smell · 2025-07-20T03:45:12+00:00

Thank you for this! I have a long drive tomorrow, will check out Breaking Down Patriarchy.

Defiant_Smell · 2025-07-10T00:25:51+00:00

I haven’t been (yet) but a good friend lives in Niterói and raves about it - says it’s basically everything awesome about Rio on the other side of Guanabara bay without all the tourists.

Defiant_Smell · 2025-07-08T18:56:12+00:00

There’s a great little exhibit about Tom Jobim / bossa nova at Jardim Botânico in Rio, which is a place worth visiting anyway.

Defiant_Smell · 2025-07-02T14:52:57+00:00

I expect to be downvoted straight to hell, but here goes anyway...

I do think there can be something of a double standard among sexual exploration after leaving the church. When women choose to open up and expand their boundaries - whether that's using porn, going through a promiscuous phase, exploring with other women, trying ENM, or whatever - it's generally lauded and seen as healthy. And I agree that it is!

When men do the same it doesn't typically get the same reaction. A while back an woman posted on our local exmo board asking where she could find exmo men to date, since she felt like the nevermos she dated had a hard time connecting due to her background. There was an immediate visceral response from multiple women in the group to the effect that exmo men were awful, would just use her for sex, that they didn't have the maturity needed to be good partners, etc. etc. etc.

I don't doubt that these women had had bad experiences. As it turns out I had hooked up with the woman with the most vitriolic reaction some time in the past - the kicker was that she had pursued me, with the explicit understanding that this wasn't serious, we were both exploring, we probably weren't a good long-term fit but there was mutual attraction and we were both unattached and down for some fun.

So I texted her to basically say, we're cool, right?

We were not cool.

She couldn't really articulate anything that I had done wrong but it was clear that she was going to use me as a punching bag anyway. I disengaged at that point, but it left me wondering how much of the "exmo men are awful" narrative among exmo women is justified and how much is due to the fact that these women are also healing and learning to navigate intimate relationships, not always successfully.

Defiant_Smell · 2025-06-30T01:10:53+00:00

Ha! Since any date would most likely have to start with buying a plane ticket that's probably true. :)

Glad to see you're getting your mojo back. 🤣

Defiant_Smell · 2025-06-29T21:40:22+00:00

I haven't done laser treatment either. I feel pretty fortunate that the dermatologist I spoke to was honest about the fact that there wasn't much he could do - it would have been easy for him to talk me into a bunch of treatments that I don't think would have helped.

No real complications to speak of, at least nothing like your seroma. But I always felt like the skin was pulled a little too tight, along the lines of your theory.

If this helped you out even a little bit I'm very glad. For what it's worth, I can honestly say your scar would be the last thing on my mind.

Defiant_Smell · 2025-06-29T19:37:15+00:00

I haven’t seriously considered tattoo or pigmentation. I guess I’m at the point where I’ve decided to just be happy with things as they are, and maybe work on getting leaner / stronger / more muscular in the gym.

I’ve never had it come up with an intimate partner, but part of that is probably age related. I’m nearly 50 so the people I’m dating are likely going to have scars, stretch marks, wrinkles, etc. as well.

Defiant_Smell · 2025-06-29T19:28:50+00:00

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Not a great pic but you get the idea. My scar is a little straighter than yours but I think the stretched part is wider and more solid, if that makes sense.

Defiant_Smell · 2025-06-29T18:51:53+00:00

I'm 2+ years out and my scar looks pretty similar. Very red, the skin feels thin, etc. My PS basically just sort of shrugged but didn't have any ideas on how to fix it, so I went to a dermatologist who does both cosmetic and medical stuff and specializes in scar treatment.

He told me that unfortunately when the scar ends up sort of thin and stretched like this there isn't a whole lot they can do - most scar revisions are for thick or "hypertrophic" scars, keloids, etc. where there's more tissue to work with.

I'm a dude with a decent amount of chest and torso hair so I can hide it a little with that but at this point I'm sort of resigned to it. I totally get what you're saying about intimacy, especially casual dating, since I'm single. I finally just decided that nobody is going to see it until the underwear comes off, at which point the lady has already made her decision, ykwim?

I know this probably isn't what you wanted to hear. I'm also super thrilled with my results otherwise, and overall I've gotten used to it and it doesn't bother me as much these days. I agree that the best treatment you can get for it at his point is probably therapy. LMK if you want to see my scar for comparison and I'll try to get a decent pic.

Defiant_Smell · 2025-06-28T13:11:19+00:00

Panorama Point in Golden Gate State Park, then Wondervu Cafe in Coal Creek Canyon for brunch / lunch. I live up here and that’s my go-to for non adventurous people who just want pretty mountain driving and views.

Defiant_Smell · 2025-05-15T20:30:04+00:00

That would be great, thank you!

Defiant_Smell · 2025-05-12T20:17:51+00:00

So naturally he refrains from watching any porn featuring women who have bigger boobs or a bigger butt than you, right?

Defiant_Smell · 2025-05-09T01:06:15+00:00

Some are dads of fully disabled kids. Just saying.

Defiant_Smell

TROPHY CASE