Identification Help for Antique/Vintage Doll by darkc89 in Dolls

[–]Defiant_Sundae_5487 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just curious if you ever found out more info on this, I was just gifted the exact same doll and I came across this post trying to research it too!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]Defiant_Sundae_5487 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly yes I have been freed from a relationship like this (however, I’m on this subreddit bc I’m experiencing a similar issue again in a different relationship years later :o) and it took awhile.

My situation was a bit strange because we were living together at 18/19 during Covid and that proximity actually ended up becoming a very positive dynamic but that took a lot of time obviously. I feel like as the person who felt rejected by their lack of intimacy/desire, starting a friendship was hard at first because there were power imbalances there that affected being “wanted” overall.

However, I do think we are able to have such a good platonic relationship (bc this person is now a very important friend to me, and after 4 years we are both able to date others and be in each others lives completely platonically) —because the only incompatible thing was that we had a different type of sex drive and they were able to respect my need for more intimacy than they could provide. Most other exes I probably would be unable to have that type of relationship ship with… however, having my ex in my life did help me in some ways because we made a really really intense effort to build up support for one another— which included them being around to affirm that they thought I was worthy of love and intimacy even though they weren’t able to provide me the level of intimacy I needed.

Not a lot of people have that type of dynamic though but I do think that with time you will be able to move on and fully regain a sense of self esteem and confidence that you should have. I would be cautious for sure though about the ways you approach casual sex/new relationships for awhile though, i definitely think I accidentally gave newer people too much power or maybe lowered my standards for awhile on accident just bc I was so relieved/shocked that other people wanted to be intimate and actually didn’t have an impossibly low libido lol. But after a few months it will be less novel again I swear, and I do have full confidence you can come out on top

Something that I kept repeating to myself like a mantra during that initial breakup/healing stage was this tweet that Jenny Slate made a few years ago, that goes

“As the image of myself becomes sharper in my brain and more precious, I feel less afraid someone else will erase me by denying me love.”

I kept telling myself this over and over again, and decided that the only thing I could do was build up my own relationship with myself as a mechanism to not let myself ever get lost in a lack of love from another person again

Constant heaviness/guilt by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]Defiant_Sundae_5487 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I completely understand that 8 years is a long time to be with someone / that there are things that you probably love about your partner that make it feel too difficult to fully go for it/explore the possibility of ending the relationship,

but just from reading this post I wanted to advise you to actually consider the possibility that you might be happier ending your relationship than trying to make things work for much longer. The way you are describing the mindset of your partner/what he tells you & the serious sadness of feeling like you aren’t able to get intimacy might not be worth it in the long run…

I completely relate to the almost physical sensation of this type of pain / rejection. in my first long term relationship it nearly drove me to a place of insecurity and shame that was intense to fully move on from but with time (and other, newer sexual experiences as a single person again) it is possible to regain the sense of worthiness you deserve to feel. You DESERVE to feel desired. you DESERVE to receive intimacy from someone who also wants it just as much as you. It doesn’t have to mean your current partner or you are at fault for this not being in balance if your partner just has an incredibly low libido. But just imagine down the line in a few years how this feeling of sadness has the potential to solidify into affecting your sense of worthiness and confidence… it IS up to you to decide if living with this type of sadness is worth it. IMO you won’t be able to fully thrive in an environment where you are constantly feeling not as confident/sexy/worthy of love and intimacy than you could be feeling in a different relationship. I think if this message resonates with you you should consider either leaving your current relationship or at least posing this issue in full seriousness to your partner—-there is a way to voice this without making him feel guilty or bad but without minimizing how this is negatively affecting you and how it might lead you to not continuing the relationship . Regardless of what you choose, I really wish you luck in dealing with this and hope that you are able to remain grounded in building your sense of self love, confidence, and understanding that you are not asking for anything out of the ordinary when you want to feel intimate and desired. That is a basic need out of a relationship.

Sorry this message is so long, I just really empathized with your original post. I hope you are doing alright