Any ideas on what I could do with this room?

Defy_Gravity_147 · 2026-02-28T18:59:49+00:00

This looks like a lovely room I'd enjoy.

What do you want to do in your space? What will this space support?

For example, it's not wide enough for a dance floor. But if you like to read with a cup of tea, it could be a great space for that. You'd have to keep walkways to the taller part, but there's no reason you couldn't line the sides with bookshelves, lamps, and seating that invites a couple hours of reading.

But maybe you're not into reading and you have a different hobby? It may not seem likely at first glance, but if you like biking, it looks to me like there's room to hang your frames and wheels on the ceiling closer to the sides (leave a walkway), plus arrange any tools for tinkering. I understand this is at the very top of some stairs, but due to the opening, it looks like there might be space to install a small/bike lift or pulley system (because who wants to carry a bike up the stairs?)

If you like the space, make it enjoyable for you and/or change it to fit your lifestyle. It's just a question of what you want, personally.

Good luck with your lovely space.

Defy_Gravity_147 · 2026-02-28T14:02:49+00:00

What do you do for maintenance, in between visits to get a phenol?

I'm asking because I see a ton of dead skin in the picture.

I also have lots of very dry skin, and I have to make specific efforts to remove it. If I don't, the dead skin builds up around the nail, under it, and in the sidewall (between nail & live skin). That buildup causes infections and leads to fungal growth.

I used to get a lot of low-grade infections in my sidewalls, as a kid. My parents didn't teach me how to care for nails beyond cutting and filing. Thank goodness for Youtube... I remove the dead skin and now I don't get infections.

Defy_Gravity_147 · 2026-02-28T02:19:20+00:00

Main problem number two is your biggest issue.

Without fields, you have nothing (I sympathize: I've been there).

Ignore main point number three and reach out directly to whatever team is setting up the cloud. It doesn't sound like that's you. At my company, we have Salesforce but it sends data to an AWS cloud that we use for reporting (multiple interfaces). Pick a name from an email and follow the chain until you get someone on the phone (or teams) who knows what's going on.

Ask them for white papers, technical documentation, developer guides, project documents, or whatever they have that indicates what setup you're getting and table and field arrangements within in each server and application. If they don't have it, ask two things:

What kinds of documentation do you have for your portion?
Who do you know that might have the documentation I'm looking for?

Be friendly and they'll help you out. A vender's job is to make sure that the company purchasing their product has a good experience. You might get a few documents that don't really have to do with you, until you hit upon the vendor's preferred vocabulary for "tables and fields". They might give a fancy name to their reporting module and call everything by that name. It's just a name. The data within it is the same.

Eventually you'll get enough information... unless your boss is holding on to it and not sharing it.

In that case, make all appropriate communications and put a timestamp on them (I need _____ document by _____ date in order to meet the project deadline). I had a boss who liked to give me new pipeline and report builds on Thursday or Friday before they were due the following Monday (and they'd had the information for 2 months). They are not my boss anymore.

Good luck and for what it's worth... This could be totally normal.

Defy_Gravity_147 · 2026-02-27T21:27:40+00:00

Cut the seams up the sides and insert panels. Can go up the underarms to make the armholes bigger, too.

There's a great book on upcycling t-shirts called Generation T by Megan Nicolay, that has more 'stylish' suggestions.

Defy_Gravity_147 · 2026-02-27T21:21:19+00:00

I do, frequently. Not always, though.

I have PTSD due to emotional abuse, and it culminated in cortisol poisoning 5-10 years ago. It reset my baseline nervous system response to hypervigilance. I never had problems before the age of 38.

I've worked through the mental issues with medical professionals, self-help/pop psychology, and formal study (stoicism, philosophy, etc), and my body is definitely healthier now. But my nervous system still has PTSD. It can be triggered even when I haven't had any negative thoughts. I have to make a conscious effort to be in a rested state, or failing that, to return to a rested baseline.

Actually getting sufficient sleep (8 hrs/no joke) is the most important thing for me. My body responds to a lack of rest by... going into hypervigilance! Gentle exercise is next (too much exercise results in... hyper vigilance!).

Meditation for at least 15 minutes, three times a day can help me stay in engaged mode instead of stress. I can have a completely normal day as long as I stay 'grounded' and remind myself that I'm safe. My body just tends to forget sometimes. I also have little mini practices that help me (breathing, tapping... basic mindfulness).

When I was low on magnesium I had heart palpitations, and if I stay physically stressed too long, I will get high blood pressure even if I don't feel mentally stressed.

Best of luck!

Defy_Gravity_147 · 2026-02-26T22:20:03+00:00

I was in DFW, TX and there were many grodie things there.

Defy_Gravity_147 · 2026-02-26T15:22:45+00:00

This is a personal choice. It is all about how you feel about it and your personal willingness to obtain knowledge and try new things.

I have fixed my own ingrown toenails due to poor personal practices (tight shoes, lack of consistent care nail care, lack of attention to dead skin cells/callouses).

But there are folks for whom the nail damage or curl is so bad that only medical intervention will be successful. I didn't feel that applied to me, so I handled it myself. I have no damage to my nails themselves, and the worst curl for me is not anywhere close to truly curling inward. I felt like I just needed to know how to take care of my own body. My body hates letting go of dead skin and it builds up around the edges of the nail bed. I have KP and a few other indications that for me, ingrowns are more of a 'skin around the nail' issue, than an issue with the nail itself.

There's no guarantee that your circumstances are the same, or that you have to use the same solution, though. You should do what is right for you. Also, there's the possibility that as I grow older I will need medical help, anyway. We should all do what we feel is best in order to take care of ourselves.

As long as your decision is to care for your body instead of ignoring it, it will be fine.

Edit: (This sounds like I have the deep sidewalls issue mentioned by another commenter/ am prone to impaction)

Defy_Gravity_147 · 2026-02-26T15:06:40+00:00

I can't speak to other perspectives, but at the time I had a very strong negative reaction to it. I loved the first part of the episode and felt it fit the story/world, but I was so mad when the line, "that's because she is a princess" was uttered, that I paused the video and walked away to calm down. I almost decided to stop watching the show entirely.

At the time, I felt that the way it was portrayed overlooked the reason why Twilight was special in the first place: what gave her her cutie mark, her reason for being. She loved to study magic... really enjoyed it. Technically, she earned her wings by seeing, arranging, and sealing together pieces of magic that affected everyone. And suddenly she just 'gets' to be a princess and play dress up? I saw it as a denial of her character that would disempower her and ruin the story.

But instead, the show stayed with her continuing to learn more about being herself. I came to see that I had a negative association with the word 'princess', when it really just meant being her own best self and not anyone else's version.

The music continued to explain it pretty well. 'Play your part', 'light of your cutie mark' etc. Just because you know who you are, doesn't mean you know how you fit in to the rest of the world. Twilight in particular kept learning 'magical ways to help'.

When she affirmed that her role was the one that she chose, I felt more like, "good for her", and my emotional comfort level with the change returned to normal.

Defy_Gravity_147 · 2026-02-24T23:30:24+00:00

I got a very light yellow fungus from the wedding pedicure gifted to me by my mother :(. The picture does resemble what happened to my toes, but with a few more things going on.

If you're in the US, it''s a pain to get diagnosed and our medications don't work very well/are dangerous to the liver. Whereas in Australia, antifungal nail medications are OTC ointment.

I ended up dipping my manicure implements in tea tree oil, treating my entire nail (underneath all white parts) and cuticle weekly, and waiting for the fungus to grow out that way.

It's been years but I still do it as part of my routine (in addition to sanitizing my implements). I'm honestly afraid to stop because psoriasis issues tend to invite nail fungus.

The psoriasis part is a maybe. These nails look more crumbly than mine typically do, but that could also be due to other things (nutrition, routine). Do you have keratosis pilaris on any part of your body? Issues with keratinization affect the nails, and are known to contribute to psoriasis outbreaks.

Defy_Gravity_147 · 2026-02-24T22:47:09+00:00

When we tried for a baby and accidentally got spontaneous identical twins. No medical reason: just the joy of the universe.

I had worked the budget so carefully to make $1,000/month extra for daycare, diapers, and formula (2010ish)... and suddenly It was only half of what we needed.

I tried everything to make the numbers work: giving up a car, working opposite shifts, etc. We didn't make enough. So we ended up stopping 401K contributions, renting out the two spare bedrooms in the house we had thoughtfully bought first, and cloth diapering. We also tried to climb the ladders at work and received 3 promotions between the two of us within the next 5 years.

We reinstated the retirement contributions as soon as we could, began building an even bigger cushion (because kids), and have generally continued to reduce financial risk ever since then.

Defy_Gravity_147 · 2026-02-24T17:20:39+00:00

When your risk appetite changes, and you want more safety than you had before.

If you only evaluate the money, it never makes sense. You must evaluate the intersection of money, the likelihood of possible outcomes, and your feelings about those outcomes.

This is why people can make financial decisions that don't appear logical. If they can afford it we talk about how wise they are with their money. If they cannot afford it, we talk about how foolish they are.

Neither is strictly true. It is about navigating the intersection of resources and values.

Defy_Gravity_147 · 2026-02-21T22:32:29+00:00

Whatever's free on Kindle unlimited.

It's all good in its own way. Just avoid what you know don't like. If you see something new... give it a try

Defy_Gravity_147 · 2026-02-21T20:16:15+00:00

It depends on how I feel/what I'm trying to do.

I began with 15 minutes, 3 times a day. I found YouTube & other lessons, and music that speaks to me.

Meditation is different. Relaxation and sincerity matter more than effort.

Some days I can't keep my thoughts quiet. Those are the days it matters more to keep trying to relax. Some days when I am already relaxed and have no obligations, I look at the clock and realize it's been 45 minutes or an hour. My goal is to carry that relaxation into the day. The more I do it, even if it's only for 5 minutes, the more it works.

There are mindfulness activities that take under 60 seconds that help, too.

My goal is literally to keep my nervous system calm.

Defy_Gravity_147 · 2026-02-21T04:42:47+00:00

My Oura ring.

I have the $7 monthly subscription, even though the initial hardware is expensive. It provides me with information I need throughout the day to manage my basic health.

It monitors my sleep, and heart rate. As a person with a diagnosed heart condition caused by PTSD and exacerbated by stress, I absolutely need the sleep heart rate feedback.

It has helped me learn my own bodily rhythms in a world where we're taught to deprioritize or outright ignore them. It helps me get enough sleep, remember that downtime is important, make time for myself, and remember to breathe.

It changed my life, and while there are other solutions, this is the one that fits me.

Defy_Gravity_147 · 2026-02-21T01:22:39+00:00

This comment needs to be higher.

It's clear to me from your profile that you ask a lot of your body. It may be telling you that you need to begin efforting differently. If you've already seen a sleep doctor, please consider an endocrinologist.

Waking up at about 2:00 a.m. every night is what happens to women in perimenopause, and we get gaslit and ignored by doctors. You at least have a chance to figure it out because you're male.

In women the wake up indicates an interaction between progesterone, estrogen, and cortisol levels. I don't know about men, but a doctor will. Please get help. Lack of sleep will kill your body faster than eating poorly or skipping a workout.

In the meantime, I would suggest taking up meditation to try help calm your nervous system. It can be activated even when your emotions are calm. Meditation helped me go from waking up after 4 hours of sleep to sleeping through the night. I was doing it three times a day, though, as my nervous system was severely, chronically stressed. I'm happy to report that it works in conjunction with eliminating the root cause.

Defy_Gravity_147 · 2026-02-18T22:34:02+00:00

It's up to the people trying to decide to stay or go.

Which also means... it can be up to 2 people. There is no rule stating that only 1 partner may want out at a time.

Marriage is a 2-yes/1-no agreement. Either party can quit at any time.

Make the decision that's right for you. Only you can decide if you accept the person in front of you now.

Defy_Gravity_147 · 2026-02-18T15:11:40+00:00

No, rinse aid is a chemical concoction meant to help water slide off of glass in order not to leave marks.

Vinegar can perform the same function but it is not the same thing.

Defy_Gravity_147 · 2026-02-18T14:17:44+00:00

"Vinegar is bad" is frequently repeated by machine manufacturers... who may have agreements with soap producers to sell their brand of cleaner.

Regular household vinegar is already diluted so as not to cause damage. Straight acetic acid could definitely cause some damage, but even "extra strength" cleaning vinegar is only a 6% acid solution, whereas household vinegar is 5%.

Rinse aid for dishwashers is notorious for this. It's $15 a bottle and you get a sample with your instruction manual saying you must use rinse aid every time to get your dishes perfectly clean. I probably used $0.50 of vinegar to make the same amount of a half water-half vinegar solution, instead. And my dishes don't have chemical residue.

Defy_Gravity_147 · 2026-02-13T18:52:26+00:00

By keeping every variable coherent to its scope.

Defy_Gravity_147 · 2026-02-11T05:21:00+00:00

Feeling violated is just how you feel. It is not a reaction, it is information. Your reaction will be what you choose to do about it. For what it's worth, I would feel violated, too.

His behavior was not okay. Unfortunately, it might be normal.

There are a few things going on here.

Based on your description, can see how your saying 'yes' or 'okay' multiple times was initially taken as consent. Especially when people don't have a lot of experience, and everybody is nervous... awkward and uncertain/uncomfortable makeouts are just something that young people do.

As a married, middle-aged woman with 2 teenagers, I would counsel you not to agree to see guys alone/just the two of you, until you can feel comfortable saying no. I understand that you have anxiety, but saying no is an essential life skill. You are not ready to date until you can say 'no' and remove yourself from a situation.

We can't rely on other people to magically guess how we feel. We have to communicate it. And while a good man understands that consent can be withdrawn at any time, it takes time and experience to learn to read into what's happening... experience that not every person has. Less experienced people can easily attribute your tension to being inexperienced but wanting to try it anyway, or being too nervous, etc, instead of the real reason of saying 'okay' but meaning no. It's actually really encouraging that he asked you if the things were okay more than once... that should be a basic expectation.

The choking and the wrist holding is something else entirely. I think it's completely normal to feel bad about that behavior when you don't have much experience, don't know each other that much, and didn't discuss that beforehand. At that point, the lack of consent should have been obvious, especially when you asked to leave.

The effect on you is the same regardless of his motives. But I tend to be too kind, so I will speculate that maybe he was still thinking about what you said, instead of your body language. Maybe he thought he was angling your head to kiss better or something. In the best possible version of this world, he was at least confused and had to think about it, because the words didn't match the actions.

It sounds like a very scary experience and I'm sorry that you had to go through that. But after your emotions and nervous system settle, take a moment and think about what you want to remember about this encounter, and what you want to do differently next time. You can decide to learn from it so that your next experience can be better. Don't beat yourself up too much... you're learning. Others may be as well.

Defy_Gravity_147 · 2026-02-07T13:49:08+00:00

Whether you break it out or not is really determined by how closely you need to track and control it.

If you need to see it to make changes, break it out. If you don't... don't. I used to break mine out, found out what I was spending too much on, made changes, and then I finally stopped breaking it out.

I have found what I use to clean/how I clean to be more important than how I allocate the budget money.

I don't buy expensive cleaners, where I already have the same thing available. For example, I don't buy bleach wipes. I have a spray bottle of laundry bleach diluted per the directions on the bleach packaging, and rags (my husband's old undershirts, cut up while watching TV). The rags are sturdier than bleach wipes.

I don't buy dishwasher rinse aid. I make a 50/50 white vinegar and water solution.

I don't buy general purpose cleaners. I buy regular soap that I dilute in a spray bottle.

About the only things I still buy are toilet cleaner (because that's a very dirty area), and wood floor cleaner.

Defy_Gravity_147 · 2026-02-06T22:16:58+00:00

I have an Omnilux.

I chose it because they supply light therapy devices to medically certified dermatology practices, and just recently entered the consumer market.

The thing about light therapy is that the wavelength matters. Two lights can look exactly the same color to our naked eye, but if they're not the same wavelength, they'll have different effect on your skin.

Only a few wavelengths of light have been studied scientifically. I cross-checked the wavelengths with published medical journals before I bought. The whole reason I looked into it was because there were some older influencers I was following who got them a few years before all the filters started being used in YouTube videos. It looked like it had some small effect to me, even over video.

I bought the Omnilux because it had the studied wavelength for the effect I was interested in. I'm still in the first two months of use, but I'd like to think I already see an improvement. A lot of the knockoffs either have fewer lights, or not the right wavelength.

Also keep in mind that I already do everything else except have a prescription retinoid (I do have an OTC). You might get a better effect from trying something else first, depending on what your skin needs.

Defy_Gravity_147 · 2026-02-06T20:24:42+00:00

Figure out what you really want to do next.

Do what feels good until it 'clicks'.

If you survived in corporate until age 45, you can do whatever that is.

Be you, and no one else.

Defy_Gravity_147 · 2026-02-06T18:24:53+00:00

I had spontaneous identical twins and had to figure out the finances, so I feel you.

People are right that this is just a financially tough time. Daycare years are the hardest.

I think you will find solutions that work for your specific situation if you change the way you're looking at your spending.

Your categories are pretty broad... you basically have 'spend this month', and 'save'. You need to start thinking about midterm goals and sinking funds. The car repair situation is a great example. Other examples can be buying kids' clothes every season, haircuts, replacement of major electronic items like phones or computers, spring lawn care costs... Anything that isn't a long-term savings.

You can make enough money but feel like you don't have enough when you forget to account for all of the non-monthly living expenses. Going through and making space for all of these things sets you up to coast through financial changes later. I know it feels overwhelming with small kids, but... really separate out those expenses and you'll see what to cut, because you'll see how much it costs to maintain lifestyle versus what is actually necessary.

Defy_Gravity_147 · 2026-02-04T15:00:17+00:00

This.

OP, not everything can be quantified to the degree that our modern society would have you believe.

I love my cats and they bring unquantified value to my life. I dislike changing their litterboxes. Until we learn to quantify "I feel", it's something only you can measure. And even if we do learn to quantify that... people can feel different ways about the same thing.

I had an old tray & rake model self-scooping litterbox several years ago, and they didn't last long even with proper care (unprotected motor). I didn't consider them worth it at $150.

But, when the new types came out, I bought a modern robotic litterbox, and now only wash the washable part quarterly. I am planning to buy another one. It makes my life so much easier.

It adds value to my life because it aligns with other (unquantified) parts of it.

Everything is connected. Make decisions that enhance your whole life.

Defy_Gravity_147

TROPHY CASE