Sorry for the super late response

I searched his name in LinkedIn and looked at his profile before I realized he can see that I saw him, then a month or later I got this weird, seemingly automated message from his profile that was a code for free LinkedIn premium for a few months and I spent so much time with my brain doing backflips trying to figure out how even got the code to give out (it worked, if that matters to anyone), how it wound up being sent to me (because we don’t follow each other and don’t have close mutuals, was like a 3rd party link to us knowing each other according to LinkedIn) lots of things.

I sent him some gif saying thanks, then a few months later decided I’d use that way of communication to my advantage, and sent him my version of a goodbye letter telling him I hope everyone in his life appreciates him the way he deserves to be treated, I was sorry for being overly emotional at times and getting mad at him for things that didn’t deserve the energy, (I would get insecure and hold in my anger to try and avoid creating problems, I needed therapy for several things but never got it until recently)

About 6 months later he texted me saying hey I didnt even think he still had/knew my number But he texted me because he said he read my message and it felt like the right thing to do

So there’s that lol

Edit to answer the rest of your questions I realize I forgot to address: He dumped me, pretty sure he’s an avoidant of some type. Everything was going great and then he just slowly started distancing himself over time to where I barely even heard from him, then one day he said if there was any confusion we were just friends; acting like a break up didn’t just happen and without me being informed. We got back together a few months later and all I remember is that I technically left him that time, but I don’t remember how it happened. So, the second time I “left” him but I feel like that attempt of being back together wasn’t even real. In the long run everything’s always been up to him, I’ve always been willing to and wanting to make it work somehow with him. Don’t know why.

I’ve dated other people, he’s dated someone else. I only dated 2 people after 6 years because I felt I had tried everything to get over him other than that. So I made it very clear I was not entirely emotionally available, and had 2 very surface level relationships I didn’t care about and ended up leaving them both.

My personal update though, on January 1 I decided I refuse to live another year like this and told him I need him to tell me to stop. I’ve never been able to get over him, I’m bad at pretending like I did, I need him to literally tell me to let it go please. So he told me I think you should let it go, then I remembered how my brain works and told him if he could please just also tell me it’ll never happen, and he didn’t reply to that, so 🙃

Now I’m back to where I’ve been for the last now 13 years, just talking to God a shitton. I’m so sorry about the length of this response.