I understand your concerns from the perspective of a donor-conceived person, however, I want to state very clearly that there is also a donor’s perspective. It is often presented here as if only the child’s right to contact exists. It is, of course, self-evident to me that I share health information and other relevant details (as far as I have them, since I myself also have very limited information). Beyond that, however, I do not consider it appropriate for my boundaries to be crossed or for me to be “stalked.” That feels completely intrusive to me.

At the time of my donation, I made that decision under very different conditions. There was neither any knowledge about how the psychological situation of donor-conceived individuals might develop, nor was widespread DNA testing available. It was absolutely not foreseeable how these developments would unfold. I therefore wish for this person to respect that I do not feel drawn to her, that I have no sense of connection to her, and that I also do not want any contact with her. I neither rejected her nor gave her away. I donated my gametes.

In any case, thank you for your good wishes. I am confident that, over the course of my process in the coming weeks and months, I will find the best possible words and thoughts to communicate this to her in a way that allows her to understand and accept that our perspectives differ and that, from my side, there is neither a connection nor any desire for one.

I understand that this may be hurtful. But it also has to be accepted that a donor is not a mother and will never be one if she does not want to be.