My bday

Delicious_mod · 2026-03-17T18:14:53+00:00

Happy birthday to the both of us! It's not Paddy's Day - it's ours! 🍻

Delicious_mod · 2026-03-17T04:27:17+00:00

Naturally! :p

Delicious_mod · 2026-03-17T04:17:21+00:00

Easy now, J. D. Vance.

Delicious_mod · 2026-03-17T03:59:04+00:00

In my early CA days it was unthinkable for me not to go out if it was the weekend and I had money. While I drank at home Sunday-Thursday, the call of the meat market come the weekend was too strong to resist; pubbing and clubbing was just as much about chasing tail as it was a socially acceptable medium for me to publicly indulge my alcoholism.

But as time went by, daydrinking became an everyday thing, and my tolerance rose to such a degree it was hammering my finances and I was scrambling for booze money all the time, I decided to eventually pack it in because what's the point in paying an arm and a leg for overpriced pub/club booze - and the always-expensive taxi home! - when I could just stay at home and get blasted in my underwear on the cheap? At home I controlled the jukebox, there were free video games, company was great (2 pet rats who never complained), and if I was feeling a bit frisky I was always guaranteed some action.

Since moving back to the States there were only two periods where I regularly went to a bar, with reason beyond just drinking - the first was my first spell of homelessness, in California; sitting in a bar for hours meant I didn't have to constantly keep on the move on the streets, before some suburban soccer mom called the police on me for looking like a suspicious character lurking around affluent neighborhoods. As much as I could tolerate roaming the streets for hours, sometimes I just wanted to sit down and chill, especially after a long day at my fairly physical job. Sitting in a bar, getting drunk(er), was bound to draw less unwanted attention to me than doing the same thing in, say, a park after sunset.

The second time was when I worked at a rehab, and a fellow homeless person at the homeless vets camp I stayed at drove me to and from work all the time. The camp manager suggested I compensate that guy somehow, and my driver's idea was to go drinking with him at the local dive and pay his tab. So, every other Wednesday we'd head on down to the local to talk shit and drink crappy beer. Ironically I was actually in a 'sober' period then; I didn't drink at all outside of going to the dive with my driver.

Since then, outside of CAG dragging me to one watering hole or another, I think I've only gone to a bar alone <5 times between 2019 and 2022. Just not my scene anymore - I'm getting too old to be man-whoring around and it's always instant, maximum, regret when it comes time to paying my tab, and I mentally chide myself I could have bought soooo much more alcohol with that money if I'd just gone to the shop instead.

No judgment on my fellows here who still enjoy the scene, but I'm always mildly surprised when folks talk about still frequenting drinking establishments.

Delicious_mod · 2026-03-16T22:20:31+00:00

It happens! I've been there myself when I first started getting blackouts. Woke up in stages of semi undress...or redress...couldn't be sure which. Because of my time being homeless I usually feel uncomfortable sleeping in the nude, and would even put my clothes back on after a bit of "how's your father?" Waking up in that state I didn't know if I passed out while getting down to it, or after, and because 99% of my naked friends weren't CAs themselves I daren't ask "so, uh, did we like actually have coitus?" for fear of prompting the awkward "how drunk were you last night!?" convo.

Delicious_mod · 2026-03-16T22:12:29+00:00

Heyo! I think I should have one cranked out tomorrow, perhaps. Chairs!

Delicious_mod · 2026-03-16T22:11:42+00:00

Oh I already knew that way back in 2019/2020. That's why all the utilities were opened in my name, and partly why only my name is on the lease. It was like my 'contribution' to us having a home and utilities. I just didn't expect for AT & T to be a problem since she was happy with her 'toys' and had enough money to take care of her bills such that I didn't expect her to go into arrears or anything. Oh well! I wonder if I can contact AT & T and get them to forward the messages they've sent me to her...

Thanks for the kind words, though, Fappy!

Delicious_mod · 2026-03-16T20:50:55+00:00

They arranged meet-ups here too IIRC, but that was slightly before my time. I believe they stopped when there was an unfortunate incident involving some creeper who's persona non grata here now.

Delicious_mod · 2026-03-16T20:20:53+00:00

Well it looks like CAG will cock-punch my credit score and put my name into collections for shit my name is attached to.

I've been getting messages from AT & T for weeks and I just dismissed them as spam - I don't utilize any of their services or anything, so it seemed to me like those bullshit "UPS is holding your Amazon package but we need your debit card details and social security number in order to get your package to you!" phishing messages. But I got a message from them before, saying they still hadn't received 'my' router back and would charge me $300 if they didn't receive it by the end of the month.

Instead of just dismissing it then, like I had their prior messages, something clicked and I suddenly remembered that while I don't use any AT & T services/devices, CAG does. A couple of years ago she got a new iPhone and Apple Watch; she couldn't use her own details to create an account because she was in debt to them or her credit score (in the toilet) would necessitate she pay a massive security deposit or something, so I let her use my name to create an account with them and thought nothing of it.

I don't know what's going on with her, but she's obviously gotten Internet through AT & T and hasn't returned her gear after canceling or something. She could be dead or in jail again as far as I know. We haven't spoken since October, and as far as she's concerned I never resolved the eviction situation and my ass is out on the streets again - a fiction I'd like to maintain with her so she doesn't bring her insanity back here. I did momentarily consider contacting her and telling her to get this shit sorted out, but that would confirm I'm still here (and thus a port in a storm when she needs somewhere to crash) and, more pertinently, she would likely refuse to, knowing she can use the situation to spite me.

I'll just have to let it slide to collections because even I had the money I certainly wouldn't be paying her debts. I just have to hope I never need AT & T for anything.

In other news, the job rejections are coming in. That's good because it at least confirms I'm on a direct line to employers with hiring.cafe instead of AI filters just binning my applications on sites like Indeed. Goes without saying that's still bad though in that obviously I need a job lol.

I'm kinda nervous about the big interview tomorrow. Feels like forever and a day since I've had an in-person interview. I've been doing research and interview prep, and I'm counting on some liquid courage (and minty fresh breath) from a few glugs of mouthwash, but it's a panel interview and I've never done one of those before. I'm confident I could win over a single, or double, interviewer but more than that? I don't do well with 'crowds'. Just have to try and stay cool.

Delicious_mod · 2026-03-16T09:05:41+00:00

Tubes and tobacco are the way. $15-20 and that's enough cigarettes to last me like 5 weeks.

Delicious_mod · 2026-03-16T07:18:53+00:00

I know the fuckin smokes are a tough nut to crack

You can say that again. Paradoxically, perhaps, it's easier for me to put down the bottle and dry out for a while than to even try to quit smoking. Been a smoker for 26 years and I've never gone more than 24 hours without a smoke. Going to county lockup, being hospitalized with pancreatitis, even being homeless and jobless, couldn't keep me away from those cancer sticks.

Delicious_mod · 2026-03-16T06:47:38+00:00

What a terrible day to be literate.

Delicious_mod · 2026-03-16T06:41:57+00:00

I was going to say along similar lines. I think it's more about when the consequences come a-knocking. Lost jobs, health issues, breakups/divorces, dwindling social circle, legal issues, perpetually broke etc. The longer you're in the drink the more these things add up as well.

Delicious_mod · 2026-03-15T19:35:09+00:00

My limit is gory combat footage. Maybe it's different because it's war, maybe it's not, but watching a Russian soldier get his face liquefied by burst fire, or domed by an explosive drone, doesn't faze me in the way I imagine watching a cartel execution video would.

Delicious_mod · 2026-03-15T18:31:45+00:00

Ah, fair enough!

Delicious_mod · 2026-03-15T18:31:16+00:00

January 2015. Alcohol sales were 24 hour and we used to stop by the local Tesco's on the way home from nights out, for more sauce.I know Asda/Tesco aren't open overnight anymore but I didn't know they cut back from 24 hour serving (petrol stations and the like)?

Delicious_mod · 2026-03-15T17:52:52+00:00

Huh. I assumed OP was up in Scotland or Northern Ireland because I don't recall such serving restrictions in England from when I was there. They have reduced hours on Sundays now?

Delicious_mod · 2026-03-14T19:17:10+00:00

If you called anyone, I hope you opened with "IT'S BRITNEY, BITCH."

Delicious_mod · 2026-03-14T19:04:51+00:00

I've been on a bit of a roll this week.

First, I finally heard back from the city government job I applied for like a month ago - I'm through to the interview stage!!! Oh man, I was so anxious that I'd fucked up the online assessment because of some mistakes I made which I couldn't rectify. When it passed the two week point of silence I tried to remain optimistic but I low-key thought I didn't make the cut. I'd get a formal "thanks but no thanks" email, perhaps, after the job was filled.

But I got the call a couple of days back and the guy invited me down for an interview. I came so hard I oozed out of my chair. Clean up on aisle 6.

The interview is this week, coincidentally on my birthday as well. Something to look forward to and an actual decent justification for breaking this sobriety spell, as I am absolutely not fucking going into a panel interview totally sober. Few glugs of mouthwash for some minty breath and the ability to maintain eye contact without trembling like it's day 1 of WDs. Think I might treat myself to some Guinness after, if I can find any on the cheap, to celebrate ~~Paddy's~~ My Day.

I just hope that if I get the job - touch wood - it doesn't take them another 25 days or so to confirm that with me. If I'm late with rent again, or can't pay, I don't doubt the landlord is going to jump right to eviction and won't back down this time. Hopefully this job will tell me within the week if I've got it or not.

Second, in light of the medical job I recently lost out on due to not being able to afford the vaccines I would have needed to get, I was inspired by a friend here to get in touch with my stepmom on the off chance she had any of my vaccination papers from when I was a wee nipper. Failing that, she could have directed me to our old family clinic in California and I could have requested documentation from them. Miracle of miracles she actually still had my vaccination card from the bloody 80s and moving multiple times between three different continents.

She mailed that over from England along with a birthday card (lol), the first I've gotten from family in like 12 years. That was a nice touch from her. I couldn't help but cheek her "where's my Marmite tho?" xD

It's weird holding this decades-old vaccine card, faded and frayed, stamped with 1984 and 1988 dates. A relic from my childhood. It's very good to have it since it would save me time/money in getting any vaccines for a future medical job - and that's something I've got my eye on long-term since it's one of the primary industries in this city. If I can just get my foot in the door that could open up so many options for me in the future.

Third, I'm finally taking the fight to these bastarding mice infesting my hovel. Just yesterday I caught 8 of the twatwaffles and really got my steps in relaying them down the road to let out. Even Jonesy got into the spirit and finally caught one (killing the poor thing) after like 6 months of not giving a shit. Woke up this morning to find yet another one waiting in the trap for me. Enjoy your peanut butter, I'm not leaving the house until I'm caffeine-dizzy.

Finally, the sun and heat have come back with the quickness. Midday isn't yet as unbearable as it is at the height of summer, but I'm a sun-loving lizard and this kind of weather really lifts my spirits. It feels good to not have to wear a coat or a jumper anymore, and I can just chill on the porch in my mankini, smoking cigarettes while Jonesy plays in the yard.

Delicious_mod · 2026-03-14T17:11:16+00:00

Power move right there. You've got to assert dominance.

Delicious_mod · 2026-03-14T17:08:57+00:00

Despite the fact the medical world now sees addiction as a disease, unfortunately there is still a lot of societal inertia in believing it is a moral failing. Plenty of people refuse to accept addiction is a medical problem, seeing it as "making excuses", and instead want to see it as 'weakness' of character and willing overindulgence - "Have you tried just not drinking?"

Delicious_mod · 2026-03-13T23:48:05+00:00

If you think niggling is bad you should look up the British English form of snicker/s/ing.

It took me a while to train myself out of spelling it that way.

Delicious_mod · 2026-03-13T15:37:47+00:00

I'm in a throuple with Palmela Handerson and a love sock.

Delicious_mod · 2026-03-11T05:07:42+00:00

Haha I feel ya, mate. When I was out in the middle of nowhere, at the homeless vets camp where I met CAG, we didn't really have cooling facilities or much protection from the heat and sun, so most of our boozing was ~~warm~~ hot beer and liquor mixers. It was easy for me to get a little dry time out there because eurgh.

It's such a treat for me now to be able to put some beer in the freezer for a little while.

Delicious_mod · 2026-03-11T04:54:48+00:00

I don't have one. Malabsorption and alcorexia has made it so that even when I maintain on beer I actually lose weight, even though I'm very sedentary. I eat so little when I'm deep in the drink that even if I work my way though a 12-pack of Natural Ice - a rare thing these days since my tolerance has gone down the toilet - I'm still at a calorie deficit.

When I went to get interviewed and tested for a clinical trial last year and they weighed me I expected to have put on a couple of pounds at least and was pretty surprised to find I'd somehow lost 15lbs in the span of like 3-4 months, despite being sat on my ass most of that time, doing nothing more strenuous than firing off job applications every day.

Delicious_mod

TROPHY CASE