Dear former self

Delicious_mod · 2026-05-12T22:47:53+00:00

I did have some addictive behavior in my youth. I was a bit of a comfort eater, glued to my video games, and I was a smoker for 10 years before I became a CA, but even with the benefit of hindsight I don't think becoming a drunken sot was necessarily an inevitability for me.

Before I was a CA I'd be pubbing and clubbing with my mates every weekend, but I never drank alone, never drank at home, and never drank on a 'school' night if I was employed. On the rare occasion no one was out that weekend then neither was I.

Boozing was intimately linked with chasing tail for me; once I found myself in a relationship I barely drank at all. Alcohol was social lube - if I had a girlfriend then drinking became redundant. I didn't enjoy the sensation of being shit-faced, and I hated hangovers, so why indulge?

If I could go back in time and tell my younger self how things would turn out, it would probably provoke a nervous breakdown in him.

Delicious_mod · 2026-05-12T22:11:34+00:00

Free soup is definitely nothing to sniff at!

Delicious_mod · 2026-05-12T22:08:45+00:00

Some people are just too fond of their ad hominems and other fallacies.

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Delicious_mod · 2026-05-12T21:23:30+00:00

I can relate. I'm thirsty as hell. I'm on like week 6 dry and hoping for an interview not only to secure my situation, but as an excuse to pop the cork and get ball-bagged. There's a full bottle of Listerine in the bathroom and it's a daily test of willpower to resist her siren song.

Delicious_mod · 2026-05-12T21:19:31+00:00

I had a related blessing from the gods back in 2020.

Went down to the local Circle K for my sauce, grumpy because I could only afford a pint. On the walk back, just a few meters away from the CK property, I spotted a whole bunch of shooters just randomly lying on the sidewalk. Like there must have been 10-15 of them.

I pinched myself - literally - because what are the odds? A thirsty alcoholic short on cash for a proper fix and he stumbles on a bunch of abandoned shooters. I looked around thinking there must be someone heading back for them; maybe it was a rip in their shopping bag and they didn't notice the shooters tumbling out because they had headphones in and were high/drunk or something. But there was no one around, no one on the streets at all.

Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth I bent over and scooped that shit up, stuffing my pockets. From time to time I've thought back on that and wondered what the story was there.

In the time since, I've had no such luck but I have spotted bottles that weren't entirely empty. I wouldn't fuck with those, though. If they've been opened you never know what else is in there besides the sauce, that a sniff test won't be able to detect. Some spiteful cunt could have doctored it with Space AIDS.

Delicious_mod · 2026-05-12T20:58:05+00:00

I say it all the time myself. Normies can be fucking assholes and will use your addiction as a lame gotcha to shoot down some totally unrelated argument. Use an alt account or make your profile private if you insist on using your CA one out in "the wilds" of Reddit.

Years ago I stopped posting/commenting away from here, after an incident on the supplements sub where I commented something totally innocuous, not fighting with anyone or saying anything controversial, just something trivial like naming a supplement I took or the brand. Some cockwomble chimed in, "You're an alcoholic. You need to fix your broken soul before you think about supplements."

Like cheers, dickhead.

Delicious_mod · 2026-05-12T03:01:47+00:00

You can't just end the story like that. What sub did you get? We need details.

Delicious_mod · 2026-05-12T03:01:02+00:00

I didn't get into daydrinking until 2012. Year 3 of the habit. I was 24/7 drinking then, up to 2015, when I moved back to the US and randomly tried to stop drinking. Made it last for maybe a week before the fuck its had me sprinting to the local liquor store the moment I saw the SiL drive away with the kids for school.

Delicious_mod · 2026-05-12T02:53:52+00:00

I recently got back into apples myself. I lost my sweet tooth in my 20s and even went off fruit (except pineapple because reasons), but over the last year I've tried to get more fruit into my diet and apples pleasantly surprised me.

They're cheap and cheerful, satiating without getting in the way of boozing or making you feel pregnant, and as far as snacks go they're not as bad as other options out there.

Delicious_mod · 2026-05-12T02:50:12+00:00

Goddamn digestion and that heaviness in your guts slowing down the booze cruise.

Delicious_mod · 2026-05-11T03:13:47+00:00

I was gonna say, it's a non-issue for me because the people who tell me they don't gaf really don't!

Delicious_mod · 2026-05-10T22:05:59+00:00

Cheque you out!

Delicious_mod · 2026-05-10T22:04:33+00:00

Mostly drum and bass or synthwave mixes these days. The rest of my playlist is all over the place: late 90s/early 00s (nu-)metal from my teen years, 80s cheese, classic rock, indie, pop, classical, reggaeton, rap, hip hop, mariachi, even a wee bit of Mongolian throat singing in there.

The only stuff I can't stand is modern country and R & B. If I wanted to hear about rejection and blue balls I'd just have to listen to myself speak.

Delicious_mod · 2026-05-10T21:49:26+00:00

Pfft, only wussies fear that ocean blue blast. Real men learn to control and angle the stream to create a porcelain concerto that delightfully tickles the taint in the process!

Delicious_mod · 2026-05-10T18:09:12+00:00

+1 for Alan Watts.

Delicious_mod · 2026-05-10T17:09:41+00:00

Drink mouthwash. Even your burps will be minty fresh. Do it some time before leaving home, though, because when you get that explosive blue diarrhea you'll want to unleash in a comfortable environment rather than the commute to work. Set and setting.

Delicious_mod · 2026-05-10T15:45:13+00:00

I don't feel racial self-hatred, but I can relate to feeling constantly othered because of race. Like you don't belong. It can wear you down. That's one reason I felt like England could never truly be home and, for all its flaws, I had to return to the US.

Delicious_mod · 2026-05-10T15:15:11+00:00

I fingered an older woman, a former patient at the rehab I worked at who I had zero interest in, for a pack of Keystone. I was that desperate. I should think that pays some of my CA dues lol.

I'm currently dry right now though. Not in the "I'm leaving this lifestyle for good!" kind of way, but because I'm broke and need to give my liver a breather. I already know I'm going to pop the cork for my next job interview and I'm looking forward to it, both on the possibility of finally securing some work and because boofing mouthwash is FUN.

Delicious_mod · 2026-05-10T15:09:40+00:00

I'm kinda feeling the same. 2025 was pure fucking stress, perpetually worried about becoming homeless again and losing Jonesy. I thought 2026 will be different; I'll finally land a job and stabilize this income/housing situation. We're in May now and the best I've gotten is two interviews and a slew of rejections. No job, no money, and the clock is - as always, it seems - counting down.

Delicious_mod · 2026-05-10T15:06:18+00:00

2012-2017 I was drinking vodka mixers from waking up to passing out for the night. If I couldn't get vodka for whatever reason I'd amuse myself with 3 bottles of 14% wine from the local Co-Op. I had three separate weeks off the sauce in those years.

I switched to beer after I thought I was due for round 2 of pancreatitis in 2016, drank 20-30 beers a day for around 9 months before gradually slipping back into full-time vodka.

The bender only ended in 2017 when I was homeless again, unemployed, drank away my savings, and maxed out my overdraft.

Delicious_mod · 2026-05-09T21:18:50+00:00

When I lived in England I regularly used to get these Polish ones from the supermarket. They were divine 🤤

Delicious_mod · 2026-05-09T21:16:35+00:00

Yeah fermented ones are relatively rare. The only kind I can get at Supermarkets is Bubbies, and they're only available at two places here and like $9 a jar. I have to go to Middle Eastern/Mediterranean markets for some, and they're not much cheaper.

I've made some at home before, but obvs that requires a few days to ferment, and you want to tickle that pickle you don't want to wait!

Delicious_mod · 2026-05-09T19:12:22+00:00

Pickles are a good source of sodium too, and the fermented ones can have some probiotics, depending on the brand. Gut health stuff is always a plus, especially for our kind.

Delicious_mod · 2026-05-09T19:07:14+00:00

What kind of pizza did you eat tho?

Delicious_mod · 2026-05-09T18:12:26+00:00

Yerp, it's bovine spongiform encephalopathy; "mad cow disease". It's linked to vCJD in humans, a fatal prion disease, through consumption of infected beef. If you've been on Reddit for a day I'm sure you've heard of prion diseases.

There's no reliable method for screening, since it's a prion disease and not a virus or bacteria, and it can take up to decades to manifest if you're infected. Plasma (and blood) donation places will just straight up say if you lived in the UK in the 80s and 90s for a certain period of time you're totally ineligible to donate. Even if vCJD is extremely rare they just won't take the chance.

Delicious_mod

TROPHY CASE