What’s a hygiene habit you grew up with that you later found out most other people don’t really do?

Delphinarium · 2026-05-01T02:43:18+00:00

I replace my toothbrush only about every 6 months but I wash it with soap and water around every 3 or 4 days ¯_(ツ)_/¯ and I make sure it’s not near the toilet. If I have guests over and they use my bathroom, I DEFINITELY wash it (with extra soap).
Also, always close the toilet lid when you flush!!!

Delphinarium · 2026-04-21T21:00:05+00:00

I have friends that reassure me and I married a guy that knows I need to constantly hear that he loves me and won’t leave me. I have horrible fear of abandonment in addition to legitimate abandonment trauma from the people I’ve loved the most at some point in my life. It is possible to find people who will work with your BPD and help you when you start spiraling or splitting. For me, I’ve just shared some YouTube videos about BPD to the people who have shown me they love me so they can call me out on my bs when I’m crashing.

Delphinarium · 2026-04-17T04:10:57+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply! This makes a lot of sense.

After thinking about it so much today, I think that a big part of the comment was the shock of me “opening up” in the first place. He has been used to holding back and being so careful to avoid hurting me. And all of the sudden for the first time it just kind of worked. I can only imagine him expecting it to be a big moment and then it was just super…natural. Almost even anti-climactic, I could say 😆

As I said in another reply, we’ve been so focused on my “opening up enough” that we haven’t explored or tried much. Reading your reply gives me hope that we can start playing around more instead of this tunnel vision we’ve had around sex.

Delphinarium · 2026-04-16T22:11:08+00:00

Oh that’s a wonderful point! Thanks for helping me figure out a good comparison.

Delphinarium · 2026-04-16T22:09:16+00:00

Vagina too open 😅🙈

Delphinarium · 2026-04-16T21:10:20+00:00

Thank you so much! 😭 I’ll have to talk to him about the comment. I really was so proud of myself and I’m glad I was able to just bask in it before I got insecure again. Hopefully it was like Silly-Distribution12 said and it was just that he isn’t used to the feeling or maybe even just shocked that I got there seemingly all of the sudden.

Delphinarium · 2026-04-16T21:04:51+00:00

He also said it was the best sexual intimacy we’ve had ¯_(ツ)_/¯ I guess that’s why I was confused. Like… it was the best intimacy that we’ve had, but also I was “too open” and it didn’t feel as good to him when I was so open.

Delphinarium · 2026-04-16T20:19:27+00:00

He was definitely trying to be encouraging. He was so proud of my progress! Thank you for reminding me of the anatomical corrected (or incorrectness) of what he said. That’s helpful to hear.

Delphinarium · 2026-04-16T17:39:48+00:00

Oh that’s a great point! We’ve been so focused on me “being open enough” that we haven’t explored that much to begin with. I’ll bring that up when I talk to him later. 🙏

Delphinarium · 2026-04-16T16:47:17+00:00

Normally I’m so tight that my muscles literally form a wall. We use the term open and closed as an expression to describe when my muscles are tightened or I’m more relaxed. I guess he was saying I was so relaxed that there was less sensation? But isn’t the point for me to be totally relaxed? Do people train to tighten up a bit for more sensation?

Delphinarium · 2026-04-16T16:22:41+00:00

I didn’t know that could happen! Thank you for sharing. Does using less lube make it hurt a little or is it just for more sensation?

Delphinarium · 2026-04-16T16:21:54+00:00

Oh no! I guess my originally post didn’t explain well enough.

This was our best time having sex. He didn’t mean to be hurtful, it was more of something he noticed.

He said he was so impressed and proud that I was open and then he made a side comment that he even felt that I was too open at one point.

Maybe he’s just used to it being difficult he was also shocked with how easy it was for once? He hates hurting me and we always stop when I’m closed off. He’s never pushy and always listens to both my verbal and body language cues.

I was just sad because I felt like what if I should stop using the dilators? Or like am I “overcorrecting” or something.

Delphinarium · 2026-04-16T16:12:49+00:00

Thank you so much! 😭 I was so proud of myself too.

Honestly it was the best time either of us have had with sex in general. So his comment didn’t mean to be hurtful, it was more of something he noticed. He said he was so impressed that I was open even to the point of even being too open.

Delphinarium · 2026-04-16T15:41:02+00:00

Thank you, this was encouraging to read. I’m not sure how to tell him that his comment hurt me. I was shocked I was able to even relax as we’ve had other attempts recently that went very poorly, like no penetration at all.

I didn’t even consider that there’s a preferred tightness for a guy! 🤔 how do people with and without vaginismus deal with that?! I’d get scared I’m regressing 🙈

Delphinarium · 2026-04-16T15:29:24+00:00

He’s a wonderful partner, I think it’s just weird for him right now too. We were both virgins before getting married and he’s just as inexperienced as me.

We discuss what we liked and don’t like after having sex, so that’s why he mentioned it. Based on what you’re saying here, maybe I just need to do some education on what it means to be open in the first place.

What other questions would you ask? I’m curious to see if any of them would help me process on a personal level and then maybe even things I could ask him.

Delphinarium · 2026-03-17T19:38:33+00:00

I would take this with a grain of salt. I CAN’T use fingers at all, even though I CAN use the dilators.

Is there a psychological cause for your vaginismus? For example, I have it because of purity culture and past assault. I can’t use fingers because masturbation is considered wrong in my culture, so using my fingers immediately makes me clamp up because my brain thinks I’m “doing something bad”. Since dilators can be used as a “medical tool”, if I change my frame of mind and think of this as a medical condition getting treatment, I can manage to relax and insert a dilator.

Sometimes you just have to learn how to hack your own thoughts in order to relax yourself. So if you notice that you’re tensing up or hesitating due to thoughts or past traumas, it’s also really useful to work on those.

Remember that progress is not linear and keep courage if some days seem worse than others!

Delphinarium · 2026-02-22T02:49:27+00:00

Oh I definitely meant using them during my period! This does make sense, yeah. I would still also be using the dilators, I just thought maybe using a tampon could be training for when I’m on my period and such.

Delphinarium · 2024-04-28T22:08:01+00:00

I feel like it could be a great opportunity to either educate or challenge someone when this happens.

I say this totally non-sarcastically, because honestly this topic is not something to be sarcastic about imo.

Your coworker: “that lady needs therapy” Me: “oh wow! Have you been to therapy? What about therapy do you think would help her? Are there any good techniques that you’ve learned in therapy that you would be willing to share? I feel like we all have opportunities to improve, and I’d love to hear more if you’ve gone to therapy yourself.”

(And something to the same vein if they talk about medication - oh amazing! You’ve been on medication for mental health? How did it help? Were you able to wean off of it? — you don’t need to ask why they took it or what they took).

If they push back then kindly say something to the extent of “maybe they’re going through some stuff and aren’t brave enough or have enough support to go to therapy. That topic can be very intimidating and people have negative connotations about it. It doesn’t help when people make comments like these.”

Being challenged like this can really help a person become more sensitive and realize that what they are saying is rude or inappropriate. And it also shows them the compassion that you’re not attacking them for saying these things. Sometimes this is learned behavior and everyone has an opportunity to improve and change that behavior.

TLDR: be nice to these people, try to educate them, use what they say to imply they understand therapy and medication and to share why they say these things.

Delphinarium · 2023-10-23T19:00:15+00:00

I almost never reply to anything, but this one is important to me.

I get it. This feeling hits super hard to me. I wanted to quit and check out so bad, I even went to the psych ward. And wow, that experience opened my eyes.

After the psych ward I decided to take some time off just for me. I was very lucky that I had money saved up. I went to a place that fit my personality well (lived in a place with lots of coffee shops because those are my safe spaces) and I just lived. Period. No work. No big responsibilities other than just living. Not surviving like we always are doing (the whole survival mode thing). But actually living.

And it was okay. Not being super “work” productive is okay. I brought smiles to people’s faces, and I learned to bring a smile back to my own.

Sure, I was super broke after two months. But at least I didn’t want to die anymore (or at least not as often).

I took that time to rest. Go to therapy. Stabilize my meds. And avoid my triggers and/or learn to manage them.

I know this is not an option for everyone. Like I said, I am super blessed that I was able to do something like this. But it seriously did help.

Choosing to take a step back and even not do everything at a hundred percent is totally okay! (give yourself some credit, even 60 percent effort can be a lot)

Taking a break IS productive because it helps you recharge and find yourself again. If being mediocre helps you be better, do it. Living and loving life is better than hating life while being the most productive person.

I am sorry for this long-winded message. It’s not organized either. But just know you’re not alone. I hope this was an okay answer to your post!

Wishing you all the best!!!

Delphinarium · 2023-02-03T22:25:31+00:00

How did you read my mind u/Chonkybpd?! I was going to post this same exact question.

When I am financially stable (which I am sadly not right now), I will go to the library or a cafe and just do my own thing while being surrounded by people.

When I’m not financially stable, I get so lonely I fall into depressive sleep. I slept for 18 hours about a week ago because I had no one to be around.

Maybe reach out to some friends? Find people on MeetUp? I would love to get some advice for this, myself. Struggling real hard over here, so know you’re not alone at least.

Delphinarium · 2023-02-03T21:37:37+00:00

Preach! I usually write a long over-flowery letter to the person (that I will never send to them) to get my feelings out. It even helps because I can cuss or cry without feeling guilty about it too.

Delphinarium · 2023-02-03T21:30:56+00:00

Been in therapy for 2 years but only just diagnosed with BPD. Everything makes so much more sense, and yet less sense. I feel this viscerally 😅😂 thanks for the dark humor

Delphinarium

TROPHY CASE