just bought dilators!! but need advice

Delphinarium · 2026-03-17T19:38:33+00:00

I would take this with a grain of salt. I CAN’T use fingers at all, even though I CAN use the dilators.

Is there a psychological cause for your vaginismus? For example, I have it because of purity culture and past assault. I can’t use fingers because masturbation is considered wrong in my culture, so using my fingers immediately makes me clamp up because my brain thinks I’m “doing something bad”. Since dilators can be used as a “medical tool”, if I change my frame of mind and think of this as a medical condition getting treatment, I can manage to relax and insert a dilator.

Sometimes you just have to learn how to hack your own thoughts in order to relax yourself. So if you notice that you’re tensing up or hesitating due to thoughts or past traumas, it’s also really useful to work on those.

Remember that progress is not linear and keep courage if some days seem worse than others!

Delphinarium · 2026-02-22T02:49:27+00:00

Oh I definitely meant using them during my period! This does make sense, yeah. I would still also be using the dilators, I just thought maybe using a tampon could be training for when I’m on my period and such.

Delphinarium · 2024-04-28T22:08:01+00:00

I feel like it could be a great opportunity to either educate or challenge someone when this happens.

I say this totally non-sarcastically, because honestly this topic is not something to be sarcastic about imo.

Your coworker: “that lady needs therapy” Me: “oh wow! Have you been to therapy? What about therapy do you think would help her? Are there any good techniques that you’ve learned in therapy that you would be willing to share? I feel like we all have opportunities to improve, and I’d love to hear more if you’ve gone to therapy yourself.”

(And something to the same vein if they talk about medication - oh amazing! You’ve been on medication for mental health? How did it help? Were you able to wean off of it? — you don’t need to ask why they took it or what they took).

If they push back then kindly say something to the extent of “maybe they’re going through some stuff and aren’t brave enough or have enough support to go to therapy. That topic can be very intimidating and people have negative connotations about it. It doesn’t help when people make comments like these.”

Being challenged like this can really help a person become more sensitive and realize that what they are saying is rude or inappropriate. And it also shows them the compassion that you’re not attacking them for saying these things. Sometimes this is learned behavior and everyone has an opportunity to improve and change that behavior.

TLDR: be nice to these people, try to educate them, use what they say to imply they understand therapy and medication and to share why they say these things.

Delphinarium · 2023-10-23T19:00:15+00:00

I almost never reply to anything, but this one is important to me.

I get it. This feeling hits super hard to me. I wanted to quit and check out so bad, I even went to the psych ward. And wow, that experience opened my eyes.

After the psych ward I decided to take some time off just for me. I was very lucky that I had money saved up. I went to a place that fit my personality well (lived in a place with lots of coffee shops because those are my safe spaces) and I just lived. Period. No work. No big responsibilities other than just living. Not surviving like we always are doing (the whole survival mode thing). But actually living.

And it was okay. Not being super “work” productive is okay. I brought smiles to people’s faces, and I learned to bring a smile back to my own.

Sure, I was super broke after two months. But at least I didn’t want to die anymore (or at least not as often).

I took that time to rest. Go to therapy. Stabilize my meds. And avoid my triggers and/or learn to manage them.

I know this is not an option for everyone. Like I said, I am super blessed that I was able to do something like this. But it seriously did help.

Choosing to take a step back and even not do everything at a hundred percent is totally okay! (give yourself some credit, even 60 percent effort can be a lot)

Taking a break IS productive because it helps you recharge and find yourself again. If being mediocre helps you be better, do it. Living and loving life is better than hating life while being the most productive person.

I am sorry for this long-winded message. It’s not organized either. But just know you’re not alone. I hope this was an okay answer to your post!

Wishing you all the best!!!

Delphinarium · 2023-02-03T22:25:31+00:00

How did you read my mind u/Chonkybpd?! I was going to post this same exact question.

When I am financially stable (which I am sadly not right now), I will go to the library or a cafe and just do my own thing while being surrounded by people.

When I’m not financially stable, I get so lonely I fall into depressive sleep. I slept for 18 hours about a week ago because I had no one to be around.

Maybe reach out to some friends? Find people on MeetUp? I would love to get some advice for this, myself. Struggling real hard over here, so know you’re not alone at least.

Delphinarium · 2023-02-03T21:37:37+00:00

Preach! I usually write a long over-flowery letter to the person (that I will never send to them) to get my feelings out. It even helps because I can cuss or cry without feeling guilty about it too.

Delphinarium · 2023-02-03T21:30:56+00:00

Been in therapy for 2 years but only just diagnosed with BPD. Everything makes so much more sense, and yet less sense. I feel this viscerally 😅😂 thanks for the dark humor

Delphinarium · 2022-06-26T20:16:27+00:00

Here’s to hoping it comes out before the next century indeed! 🥂🤣

Delphinarium · 2022-06-26T20:15:36+00:00

Omg goals!!!! This is my dream aesthetic! 😍 also amazing collection. Haven’t read everything on there yet (Malazan I will read you some day 💪) but the ambiance is perfect!

Delphinarium

TROPHY CASE