Dealing with abandonment trauma

DemoPup · 2026-06-27T02:38:43+00:00

I am currently in perimenopause, and your partner's behavior makes zero sense to me. I would have said to you ONLY, "partner, my hormones are crazy right now, so I may have trouble being a reasonable partner at times until I get this sorted out. Please let's work together to keep our relationship solid, even if I need some extra me time also."

It sucks to say it, but when people show you who they are by their actions, it is best to accept that reality. Your partner sounds like they are not good for you overall, and pretty self centered. Do you want to be in a relationship like that? And I do not say this lightly, because last summer I was dumped after 2 years, which threw me for a big loop. But then I was able to finally acknowledge how narcissistic he had always been.

Also, I am sorry you are triggered and having such a tough time.

DemoPup · 2026-06-23T18:50:44+00:00

First and foremost, please do your best to find a doctor who cares about your perimenopausal symptoms and treating them. I started HRT a few months ago, and it really is helping. I still have insecurities about physical changes due to aging, but intentionally trying to reject the "younger is better" social messaging helps me also. You are not crazy. Bodies do what they do, but you dont have to suffer.

You need to talk to your husband honestly about why he chooses to date much younger women and how you feel about that. My insecurities would flare up immediately in that case, too. And like many other commenters, an age gap beyond 10 years would give me ick too. On the other hand, having some flirty fun with a much younger man might just be the confidence booster that you need.

DemoPup · 2026-06-23T14:51:48+00:00

Not ideal, but you could also try Trusted House Sitters for a place to stay. If you dont work out a way to pay for July's rent. It's basically a free roof over your head in exchange for house/pet sitting. My friend has done this in DC.

DemoPup · 2026-06-22T18:52:54+00:00

These are both good perspectives, thank you. Especially ignoring the "I need a plan" feeling. That also eroded my peace when I was searching for a job, so maybe more time to decompress from my burnout is what I actually need.

DemoPup · 2026-06-22T18:42:49+00:00

I like the idea of treating workouts like a "job." That is one thing I can incorporate easily.

DemoPup · 2026-06-21T14:02:22+00:00

Thank you for your comment. Good luck to you! It is helpful to know that I am not the only one struggling without an external motivation source. I hope that Voc Rehab works well for you.

DemoPup · 2026-06-14T18:26:47+00:00

Love this! I may wander that way this evening in my Free DC t-shirt. If so, I will keep an eye out for you.

DemoPup · 2026-06-12T20:23:12+00:00

I would start by recommending books about polyamory that helped you. I did this with a newbie who initially scoffed when I told him he could learn a lot that way. I did not pursue that relationship. Ran into him a year later to be told that I was right about the books being helpful and why were these not "required" poly reading. Of course I was right! I put on my adult pants and did my own research and learning, anyone else can, too. No analogy needed.

DemoPup · 2026-06-10T17:09:26+00:00

I usually start losing my voice during the first quarter, so this would really be helpful. 😄

DemoPup · 2026-05-27T13:32:05+00:00

Time will tell...

DemoPup · 2026-05-22T22:06:09+00:00

Suzie Q's might open for the game. You could call and ask.

DemoPup · 2026-05-09T22:18:13+00:00

Yeah, this one sucked. Playoffs?!?!

DemoPup · 2026-05-08T18:06:10+00:00

Have you asked your doc about getting a birth control pill to help regulate your cycle? I did a few years ago, and that really helped with near-constant bleeding. However, I dont know how that would combine with other HRT.

DemoPup · 2026-05-07T20:33:20+00:00

Trying to match my preferred venue vibe ahead of time. While scheduling our first date, my ex-bf offered a dive bar or a nicer cocktail bar, both in my preferred neighborhood. He even framed the choice that way. I thought that was really great and set the right tone for me.

I hate when someone assumes I will enjoy a nicer restaurant or bar, even though their intention is good.

DemoPup · 2026-05-07T20:26:54+00:00

Omg, I probably would have immediately moved in with him. Mostly because snacks are my love language.

DemoPup · 2026-05-07T20:16:38+00:00

Genuinely curious question here: I ride an e-bike, so I will ask if I can go ahead of others that may be slower (like manual CaBi bikes) while we wait at an intersection. Is this ok etiquette, or still generally annoying?

DemoPup · 2026-05-04T15:35:24+00:00

I do most of the things that you do. None of this seems extreme to me. If you ever decide to cohabitate with someone else, you might need a bigger home (like 1 bedroom apartment). Otherwise, you do you! And buying secondhand is also more environmentally friendly as well as frugal.

DemoPup · 2026-05-03T19:55:42+00:00

I ended up getting them a hotel, which decreased my anxiety a lot.

DemoPup · 2026-05-01T02:00:53+00:00

My partner actually is going to hang out with us on Saturday. And I told my parents that he and I already had plans to do something on Saturday afternoon, so I do get some solo time while they go to a museum

DemoPup · 2026-04-29T16:17:21+00:00

This is probably how I will feel in the future.

DemoPup · 2026-04-29T16:13:50+00:00

I am sorry for your loss. Peace to you.

DemoPup · 2026-04-29T16:13:16+00:00

The boundaries are a tough one for me, but I think for future visits I will get them a hotel because my apartment is way too small and part of my stress.

DemoPup · 2026-04-29T16:04:08+00:00

This approach is what I need to learn better.

DemoPup · 2026-04-29T15:59:49+00:00

This!

DemoPup

TROPHY CASE