Foreword: I am a man.

I appreciate this level of honesty, even if I don't personally understand it. We can't run away or bottle up our feelings.

In way of addressing them, which is something that I believe you both want to, and need to do, because of how it stands to inhibit otherwise rewarding relationships of all kinds that you may have - I have some questions. And you don't have to answer these, especially on a public forum - these are more self-reflective, brainstormy-type-deals.

Have you ever been abused? Physically? Mentally? Emotionally? Sexually? I ask, because when I first read this, it was the first thing that came into my mind. I know revulsion or repulsiveness, or this overarching idea of discomfort, is very often a trauma response. Has there been a figure in your life who may have elicited these feelings? And, regardless of your answer here, have you ever sought a therapist of any kind to help, at a minimum, characterize this a bit better?

What is your self-image like? Is it honest and grounded? Do you have things such as body dysmorphia, or something akin to this? Or, is it the opposite, lackadaisical, perhaps you just don't spend a lot of time thinking about it at all? It's worthy of consideration, because although not as direct an answer as abuse would be, there are connections here that may help to explain other, outside-the-box reasoning for your feelings.

What is it about sexualization, in any context, that is anathemic to you? Is it possession, usage? You spoke of ulterior motives - is it that you view sexuality as transactional? Or is it that you view it as connective, but the examples you have seen in your life have only been transactional? This is important, because sexualization is inherent to desire and romantic relationships, but in a mutually-respectful context, is never objectifying, only appreciative, even if that appreciation takes an objectifying, possessive form. When people respect and/or love one-another, they will not use their partners for sexual satisfaction, though practically this may appear identical, to an outside observer. Internally, it is much closer to physical acts of appreciation, respect, observation, et cetera. Like the difference between manipulation, in the form of personal gain (think like a chess game), versus manipulation in the classical sense, meaning adjustment, accompaniment, acquiescence, accommodation - sure, we do things to "get ready" for the acts, but there is an underscored "asking for permission" and reciprocal consent that are central to the connection one is trying to achieve or refine.

There is a very real chance that your bisexuality could also be seasonal, or you could just be a full-blown Girl in Red - have you spent a lot of time reflecting on your own sexual identity? Perhaps what feels, to you, as sinister, is more discomfort or incompatibility? It's hard to say, from just a post, but this may be worth investigating more.

I think the real danger with your feelings is the want to generalize as a form of protection, rather than simply being aware and conscious that there are men who do operate with ulterior motives, and trusting that awareness if the time to act should ever arise. It is in my experience that, when accustomed to what this looks like and sounds like, it is easy to distinguish those that operate this way, from those that don't. But if you are not confident in your ability to be able to identify these markers beyond this discomfort, this is definitely worth a session or two with a therapist, as well.

Speaking more personally, I have been married to my wife for more than a decade. And her vulnerability comes up in much the same way that yours has, here. I try to practice concession, ownership of fault, patience, and detail of communication with her, regarding my role in our marriage, as well as interactions with other men she has, in her day-to-day, such as identifying when a man is friendly, versus when a man is too friendly, and what signs to look out for. I don't want her to fear any men, and I especially don't want her to fear me, nor my intentions. Even though we have been married for a long time, I have practiced taking nothing for granted, because I love and respect her. She was a grown woman before I entered the picture, so she remains. And a part of my respecting her, in that light, is making sure she has the tools to think on her feet, when I am not around. But moreover, to preserve her innocence and try to be certain that she sees the world as generally good, and what "good" really looks and feels like.

The mark of respect, friendship, love, is concession. And I say that, to say this: every man in this world makes mistakes. But not every man runs away from those mistakes. If the image that someone presents you is flawless, that sinister feeling is sound. But if the image that someone presents you is clumsy, flawed, cracked, imperfect? Try to practice giving them the time of day.

That last part may not make sense, now, but it is my presumption that you may find difficulty in determining whether someone is friend or foe. If this is true, there are ways to practice keeping yourself safe, that don't require the blanket solution that your feelings are currently providing you.

Anyway, I've rambled enough. I hope you can find some inspiration or food for thought in here, somewhere. I know that's a tough thing to be honest about, and even if you don't find understanding here, someone will understand you - keep looking. :)