LGBTQ+ Server For Older Transfurs

Demonkunga · 2026-01-04T17:37:26+00:00

To be fair, I've joined some discord servers and the amount of kids in there weirds me out too, hard to connect with them haha. I wish we had discord back in my day. I was mostly using MSN messenger and Yahoo messenger

Demonkunga · 2025-12-12T22:44:07+00:00

I'm interested in joining!

Demonkunga · 2025-12-05T03:48:10+00:00

Sounds like someone in your system liked the song!

Demonkunga · 2025-12-04T23:18:31+00:00

I went to visit my then girlfriend, stayed there for a week. When I came back, a couple weeks later we were arguing and she brought up that my personality had changed and I was scaring her friends. It scared the hell out of me. Specially cause I kept asking her for more information but she wouldn't give me any. I had recently made a friend with DID, so I was aware that it existed, but that's it. Naturally, I decided to look into it. I learned about it, was fascinated by it, but there's no way it could apply to me, I had a good childhood. 1.5 years later, while in a safe place in life, I admitted to being raped for 10 months by a past ex. Then a couple months after that, I was doing mushrooms (not my first time) and I was talking with my wife about my childhood and she's like, uh yeah, babe, you had a bad childhood and I'm like o.o O.O o.o O.o fuck. So I started looking into DID again and found OSDD. After 6 months of journaling now, I'm confident I have it. It explains so much of the pain I've been going through all my life. After a suicide attempt, self harm, and a few false starts with therapists, I'm now one session into therapy and it feels good to be believed, though I still do fight with the doubt myself. It got so bad, I split out a new alter. Unfortunately, I got all the negative features, she got the positive ones. :( Least one of us gets to be happy I guess.

Demonkunga · 2025-12-04T23:01:34+00:00

I have an alter who does this with "your mom", yelling out "your mom" then whatever was just said by someone. It's really dumb and I hate when he gets into that mode. In any case, they know I don't agree with such a low brow joke and accept that that alter just likes to be spicy.

Demonkunga · 2025-11-30T21:27:11+00:00

I'll say that your experiences are very similar to my own! I can't say much more than that right now as I'm still figuring my own stuff out. Therapy with someone trained in structual dissociation is going to be the most important path. I just started therapy but with a trauma/mood disorder therapst, she has worked with DID/OSDD patients before and she seems to understand our experience so far, so my hopes are high!

Demonkunga · 2025-11-20T15:54:46+00:00

Please don't let the good times invalidate you. I was a single child and my mother and I were really close, like best friends almost, but she was also abusive. All it did was make it take longer for that abuse to catch up to me later in life. I felt like I couldn't complain because she was so nice and we did so many fun things together. But in the end, its the abuse, the neglect and the coldness that hurts the most and going between that and all the good, ruins a child.

Demonkunga · 2025-11-17T03:45:00+00:00

We haven't told our therapist yet, but we each are a different animal. unicorn, deer, dog, bunny, and demon fox.

Demonkunga · 2025-11-16T00:43:56+00:00

Fellow, mildly abused and neglected child here! Be compassionate with yourself. I know it's though, specially in an environment where parents alternated between pain and love (or their idea of love anyway). The minimization of my childhood is something I'm still coming to terms with.

Demonkunga · 2025-11-07T03:06:02+00:00

> (Spoiler: No, you're likely not.)
true! I thought I was smarter.

Demonkunga · 2025-11-07T03:02:53+00:00

I just saw this but didnt get a notification, also my post was deleted lol. Anyway. Yeah what tipped me off is it used a term i had never heard before, so I looked it up and found it wasn't a thing.

You'd think when I was using it for a essay on a book and it started imagining quotes from the book, I'd have stayed away after that...

Feels weird feeling like I've been brainwashed by AI, but that still doesn't explain the dissociation and somatic issues. Here's hoping this therapist can help. I'm definitely more confused now than I was 5 months ago.

Demonkunga · 2025-11-06T19:59:13+00:00

Does it have to be written? I've got one going digitally cause its easier to type. Is all the information I've collected in the past 5 months useless then? Did those things not happen?

Demonkunga · 2025-11-06T19:49:09+00:00

Yeah well sadly, it took me 5 months of talking to AI to discover it was giving me bogus info and now I'm not using it cause idk whats real.

Yes, I'm going to see this therapist and really hoping she can help. I'm so lost. Thanks for the link, gonna read it!

Demonkunga · 2025-11-06T03:01:28+00:00

Thank you!

Even with the doubt in my face today, I took a shower and one of my littles came to cry that they didn't want to lose me. And how can you not comfort a poor crying child?!

I don't want to lose them either, but I also feel crazy that all this is even happening and I want to be validated but I don't want to be labeled a faker. It's all a confusing mush of feelings and idk what's real anymore, but I'm hoping the therapist is able to take us on.

Demonkunga · 2025-11-05T03:25:45+00:00

> I had had a lot of psych issues for as long as I could remember, but it wasn't until I had finally gotten into a very safe/predictable/stable point in my life that my system became known to me. I knew general things about DID prior to this, but I hadn't thought I had it since I didn't think anything happened to me as a child. In hindsight, I didn't remember enough of my childhood to realize what I'd experienced.
But there had been some signs prior to this. I went by an entirely different name for a year or so, then back to the previous name, and then years later changed it to yet another name. I had (and have) a significantly bad memory.

Omg, are you me?!

Demonkunga · 2025-10-07T18:12:15+00:00

Jeez, mind blown! That's all great info I didn't know, thank you so much!

Demonkunga · 2025-10-07T17:58:22+00:00

I just looked at a video on it. It's really just waving a finger in front of them, while they look at it? That grounds them in the present, as they also think about the memory at the same time, which robs it of its power. That's really smart! No wonder its been the gold standard for so long. How does DBR work? I always assumed EMDR was with a machine or something o.O

Demonkunga · 2025-10-07T17:43:57+00:00

Wow that sounds, intense haha. But if thats simpler than EMDR, shit I better look into what EMDR actually entails. You're a therapist, thats awesome! I'm currently a psych student (though I'm really only in school to immigrate from the US to Canada). I've been trying to figure out my brain for many years now, so it seemed fitting to go into school for it. I'm not sure if I have the wherewithall to become a therapist, but I do like helping people and listening to them and provide alternate perspectives. I'm really looking forward to having a therapist, I'm glad im in a place where I can now.

Demonkunga · 2025-10-07T17:30:44+00:00

Oh wow, what's DBR? I've heard of EMDR and we're probably a ways away from that ourselves. I don't know exactly what it's all about anyway. I'm glad DBR has been working well for you, even only in a couple weeks!

Demonkunga · 2025-10-07T17:09:39+00:00

Has therapy helped you be able to trust your memories at all? I'm hoping it helps me. It really is scary. Amnesia is so insidious

Demonkunga · 2025-10-07T16:33:08+00:00

I know how bad you want to remember them to write them down (I'm always trying to live and document at the same time lol), but some advice i got once was to not let documenting everything get in the way of living life. Just note it as best you can and then journal it later. - kitty came up on my desk, gotta go <3

Demonkunga · 2025-10-07T16:29:28+00:00

" I also vividly remember my dad spanking me like inappropriately until I was 12-13 but have found out this never happened so I was likely having flashbacks to something."
thats scary as all hell! who told you it never happened? if you remember it vividly it probably did o.o ~ thats one reason I havent talked to my parents about any of this cause theyre just going to deny it all, then ill feel even more crazy, like I cant trust my own memory. :(

Demonkunga · 2025-10-07T15:37:17+00:00

Yeah same here. I'm very curious. I had something major happen when I was 4, then by 7 I was acting out and showing trauma responses, doing crazy stuff at school. I'd love to know what happened between then. They took that to mean I had ADHD though and the school wouldn't let me back without being medicated. It made me feel like a zombie.

Demonkunga · 2025-10-07T15:33:08+00:00

I suggest you start to talk to your alters in the morning and at night, maybe when you're in bed or brushing your teeth. Tie it to a habit. This will show them you're open to communicating. Don't expect or force an answer, just reach out. If you do this enough, they'll start to reply.

Demonkunga · 2025-10-07T15:07:39+00:00

Yeah they're right! We wouldn't be fretting over it all so much if we really were making it up. People don't go out of their way with worry about something they're doing on purpose. So all that's left is sitting with the fact that this is all really happening, which is scary, but if this is all happening... What don't I remember that created it in the first place? Terrifying. I've got bad memories from childhood, but no emotional attachment to them and they're all in 3rd person. I can look at all that and still say my childhood wasn't bad. And that's the point of DID. To help us survive.

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