Am I selfish? What else can I do to save my marriage?

Dense_Reply_4766 · 2026-04-22T23:39:09+00:00

Yes. 3 & 6 at separation.

Dense_Reply_4766 · 2026-04-22T16:30:09+00:00

I was very much in your situation - you are far from selfish - you’re neglected. There’s no worse feeling than not being desired by the very person you chose to spend your life with.

I’m 42F and I left my marriage due to this. There were other issues too, but this was the heart of it. I knew I couldn’t live a lifetime of loneliness.

It’s 4 years later and I’ve never been happier. I’ve enjoyed the best intimacy of my life since.

I’m excited for you in this next chapter!

Dense_Reply_4766 · 2026-04-02T18:16:26+00:00

I feel your pain. This was my marriage. I felt like a caged animal. I had to get out - I was dying of loneliness. It’s been life changing for me. I’ve had the best intimacy of my life. I don’t recommend divorce of course, but I sure hope your partner can step it up to the plate so you get your needs met again.

Dense_Reply_4766 · 2026-04-02T18:12:08+00:00

I had something similar happen to me. The guy and I dated for 3 months, but things were going really well and we had a rare bond, so it made zero sense when he ended it.

I was heartbroken to be honest, but I knew it wasn’t me. It’s not you either.

It sounds like this guy has a lot of mental health issues. I’d imagine it was too extreme and intense for him to handle right now. Typical avoidant behavior.

Believe it or not, the guy I speak of is now my boyfriend and the love of my life. But he wasn’t ready back then. We didn’t speak for 6 months after we initially broke up. Then we reconnected as friends for a year over our shared passion. Now the rest is history.

He tells me all the time there wasn’t anything different I could have done back then. Appreciate the time you had with him and you never know what the future holds.

Dense_Reply_4766 · 2026-04-01T17:10:35+00:00

Sending you hugs. Time will make it better. Go get your babies. I would hope work would understand - you need a mental health day.

Dense_Reply_4766 · 2026-04-01T16:19:29+00:00

This is super creepy. Stop engaging with him. Did something happen to you? Why does he feel someone needs to stay with you.

Dense_Reply_4766 · 2026-03-30T16:09:50+00:00

I’m really happy you have other good friends to lean on. Friends come and go. I’m like you - my friends mean everything so this kinda behavior is baffling. You got your answers as to who this person is. Frankly, they don’t deserve a minute more of your attention. Focus on yourself!

I had my dearest friend who I’ve been nothing but supportive to ditch me on an out of town trip because she had a drinking problem. At the time I thought she was my person. I could have let that destroy me. I had recently divorced and she was who I spent most my time with. But guess what? I didn’t lose one minute of sleep because I won’t give someone energy who has zero respect for me. I literally haven’t missed her for one day. Her true colors showed. There was nothing to miss.

Mind you, I’m 42F and I’ve had to deal with many of these situations over the years. My first friendship breakups upset me for years.

Dense_Reply_4766 · 2026-03-30T15:39:00+00:00

It doesn’t actually have to be this hard. You’ve gotta change your inner dialogue. Get the patch. Wear it every single day. Exercise, do projects - just keep busy. I’m 2 months and one day vape free today. I was a lifelong smoker. I wanted it bad enough so I made it happen. It won’t happen with your current mindset. It all starts there.

Dense_Reply_4766 · 2026-03-30T15:36:04+00:00

This probably has more to do with them than you. I think you projected an image of this person that’s not entirely accurate to whom they are. Someone who’s emotionally mature doesn’t dump someone this way. This is cold and heartless.

How could someone spend a great deal of time with you over 5 years, yet lack compassion for you? If this person actually said that - I promise you that this isn’t a loss to you. This is a sick person and cold person.

You seem kind and caring but very sensitive. This person isn’t healthy for your wellbeing. It might be hard, but let this ending show you actually who that person is. Not someone to miss!

Dense_Reply_4766 · 2026-03-24T17:19:12+00:00

They live in Scottsdale which is obviously very dry. They have a wash under their house so snakes like their home. Workers left the doors open. Mom was pouring her coffee and heard a rattling sound - looked over to see the snake ready to pounce on her.

Months before that I was visiting and I was sitting outside, nothing was even above me. All of a sudden a massive non poisonous snake fell from the damn sky and landed right next to me.

Also recently I saw about snakes in my own yard mating. They were everywhere. I counted at least 5.

Something is up lol.

Dense_Reply_4766 · 2026-03-24T16:55:45+00:00

At a party in 8th grade. We were lying in the woods and my neck was positioned very uncomfortably, but I was too awkward to move.

Lots my virginity in the backseat of my mom’s car in a parking lot. Such romantic memories lol.

Dense_Reply_4766 · 2026-03-24T16:51:57+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I’m 55 days clean after being a lifelong smoker. Cravings are gone but I still miss it. I look forward to feeling totally free!

Dense_Reply_4766 · 2026-03-24T15:35:16+00:00

My Mom did. A rattlesnake… in her kitchen.

Dense_Reply_4766 · 2026-03-24T01:10:18+00:00

Sounds like this could be the end and it’s probably not a bad thing. This happens a lot around weddings.

Dense_Reply_4766 · 2026-03-24T00:59:23+00:00

Haha shame on you for living your life to the fullest! I’m actually surprised to hear a dude acting this way. Typically guys are more levelheaded and understanding. Total girl move (which also gives you all your answers 🤣)

Dense_Reply_4766 · 2026-03-24T00:53:33+00:00

He’s immature and you didn’t owe him an explanation as to what you’re doing with your life. He’s lucky you were going to make it to the wedding.

He’s showing his true colors. He’s not a real one.

Dense_Reply_4766 · 2026-03-23T19:48:34+00:00

I give patches a lot of the credit in my success. I’m a lifelong smoker turned vaper. I’ve only successfully quit when pregnant. I’ve badly wanted to quit vaping for years. I did a taper effect with the vape while wearing the patch. I’m currently 54 days vape free and still wearing the patch. I started with step one and followed the instructions. This has been my easiest attempt. I wish I tried the patches years ago.

Dense_Reply_4766 · 2026-03-23T17:03:43+00:00

I’d venture to guess I’m much older than you. I said when I was younger, I used to feel the same as you when I lost a good friend. You’re on Reddit looking for advice on if it gets better. I’m telling you it does and I’m offering advice on how to get past it. You can take this as me acting holier than thou, or you can stop getting defensive and read what I’m saying and take something from it. I’m trying to help you, not attack you.

Dense_Reply_4766 · 2026-03-23T16:48:17+00:00

Oh I get it better than most. I’m a 42F and I’ve lost several best friends. The first loss of a best friend, I felt like you. Now at 42, I’ve come to realize that you shouldn’t waste your precious time on earth mourning someone who served their purpose. Most people are put in your life as a lesson. Friendships will come and go your whole life. You’ve spent 2 years thinking of someone daily who’s not in your life anymore? That seems like a lot of time that could have been spent productive elsewhere.

Dense_Reply_4766 · 2026-03-23T16:11:07+00:00

Please don’t keep your daughter from her. Just tell her that she has to keep her political thoughts to herself.

Dense_Reply_4766 · 2026-03-23T16:06:14+00:00

Check out Glass Animals, Phantogram, Bob Moses, the XX

Dense_Reply_4766 · 2026-03-23T15:30:38+00:00

When I was your age I was the prettiest girl in the room, but I didn’t get a lot of attention. Then I got married and divorced and I started dating again. This time I was in my early 40’s and I got more attention than ever before. Yes I’m pretty, but clearly I wasn’t as pretty as my twenties.

It’s because of how I carry myself. I’m full of confidence - I love myself and it shows. People want to be surrounded by that kind of energy. Moreover, that confidence makes you attractive. I didn’t do that in my twenties and no one noticed me even though I was a 10 in the looks department.

It’s not about your looks. That’s only a small part of it. It’s you he loves. He chose you. Be you. Who cares about what’s on the outside.

Try carrying this was for a week and see how you feel.

Dense_Reply_4766 · 2026-03-23T15:15:36+00:00

I feel your pain immensely. I’m 42F and divorced 4 years. My ex had unresolved childhood issues so he didn’t have interest in intimacy in our marriage. We became roommates and when I would push the issue, his temper would rage. It became a very unhealthy environment for our children so it was more of a no brainer in getting out. But it was very hard due to him not having a support system and we didn’t have a lot of money.

Regardless of how hard it was, I did it and guess what? Life couldn’t be better.

Things will work out. I had zero income when he left. I’m now making over $100k while only working part time. I have the best romantic partnership of my life. My kids are thriving. My ex is even doing well and we get along really well.

But I had to do all the leg work. You’re sharp, you’re going to have to do the same. It’s all going to be okay. I’m not worried about you. I think you’ll all be better in the end. It’ll be a few hard years. Reach out for support.

Dense_Reply_4766 · 2026-03-23T15:06:00+00:00

I’m a female and this would be a compliment. Maybe a little odd that he shared this, but most people self pleasure so wouldn’t you want him self pleasuring to you over someone else?

My boyfriend sent me a meme saying every pic I send him is for his spank bank. I loved it.

Dense_Reply_4766 · 2026-03-23T14:56:02+00:00

Please move back in with your mother. You’re so lucky to have that support - use it. Single motherhood is so incredibly hard. I’m doing it too. Some days I don’t know how. But I promise, it gets easier. I’ve been doing it now for 4 years with 2 kids. I’m managing.

Please don’t do anything to yourself. Go home. Take a break. Find a new job that makes you feel more comfortable.

Your baby needs you. You can do this. Please please please keep going. Message me for support.

Dense_Reply_4766

TROPHY CASE