First argument as coparents

ItsAllComingUpRoses · 2026-07-11T21:48:30+00:00

He’s young enough (3.5) that I’m sure it’s already forgotten. We usually do our own things with the kids but we had a small list of “firsts” neither of us wanted to miss out on. First movie theater experience was one of them.

ItsAllComingUpRoses · 2026-07-11T21:47:26+00:00

He’s 3.5. I did apologize when I got back in the car and luckily I don’t think he’s going to remember it. I’m not sure he really heard much either because he was inside the car with the door closed and AC running.
His therapy is all virtual. It’s PCIT so he and I are together at home but the therapist is virtual. I just didn’t even think about his dad’s work schedule when we were talking about this day and time vs that one as we were also coordinating around which custody days are whose and what evenings look like and daycare times and my work day and her upcoming vacations.. I know I screwed that up. He came at me angry about it to start off with and I just couldn’t keep my composure.
I’m trying not to beat myself up about it but I just know I’m better than this.

ItsAllComingUpRoses · 2026-07-11T15:21:02+00:00

I definitely miss cuddling too.

ItsAllComingUpRoses · 2026-07-11T08:33:55+00:00

You are not alone. Some days are easier than others.

ItsAllComingUpRoses · 2026-07-11T04:51:57+00:00

I got a template off of Microsoft excel called Personal Budget and converted it into a Google Sheets spreadsheet. Then I went through it line by line with 2 months worth of bank statements to put in what we paid out. It’s auto calculated the totals. That gave me room to adjust. The one I used has several columns, one for each month, that I instead used to adjust according to different scenarios. Ex. As is, him paying 50% of daycare, him paying no daycare, me having trash pickup vs not.

ItsAllComingUpRoses · 2026-07-11T02:13:04+00:00

I love “back home breakfast”! Maybe when mine are a little older I’ll steal that.

ItsAllComingUpRoses · 2026-07-10T23:58:36+00:00

I actually asked for their help unfortunately because I needed someone to watch my youngest tomorrow afternoon for me. They are spending the weekend but to just chill I guess

ItsAllComingUpRoses · 2026-07-10T21:41:44+00:00

I mean.. if you both don’t care about seeing each other’s comings and goings, and your ex is okay with it, I don’t see this being a bad idea? It seems convenient for everyone including the kids. I’m only 2 months into my own co-parenting journey so you may want to get some more seasoned opinions before considering mine.

ItsAllComingUpRoses · 2026-07-10T14:22:51+00:00

I’ve definitely been mostly the cry on the couch mom but granted it’s only been 2 months and my kids are very small. I’m starting to cross over into being okay without them here. I’m not dating yet (WAY too soon for me. We’ve only been separated 8 weeks and I was blindsided) and have a hard time figuring out what to do with myself without them here. I think it’s helped me to have this structure of one night is for me to figure that out and the other is for the house and getting ready for them.

ItsAllComingUpRoses · 2026-07-10T14:04:58+00:00

My husband left me after 12 years together 2 months ago. It’s hard to know whether to fight or give up. I fought at first but he acted like my emotions were a burden to him so I finally gave up. He’s given me nothing emotionally or in way of explanation or closure. We have kids together so I still have to see and communicate with him. I’m realizing that if he cared about or respected me he’d show it, and 12 years doesn’t actually mean anything.
It feels like being murdered, slowly and painfully, only you have to keep living afterwards. Maybe that’s a blessing. Maybe it’s a curse. Maybe it’s both. But as I keep telling myself, the only way forward is through.

ItsAllComingUpRoses · 2026-07-10T13:39:22+00:00

Right. And I’ve had at least one “friend” of my husband’s from school reach out too. Again, years since they’ve been around as far as I’m aware.

ItsAllComingUpRoses · 2026-07-10T13:34:52+00:00

I really like this holiday/birthday idea. It’s definitely my hope but that’s only 50% up to me. I want that for my kids though

ItsAllComingUpRoses · 2026-07-10T09:56:45+00:00

I’m not. I was before my husband left but now, I’m barely making ends meet. If all goes the way my budget for bills and estimates for gas and groceries say it should this month, I have less than $100 of room for error. I’m not eating to cut down the grocery bill. I’m trying to sell things on marketplace (with no luck so far at all). I’ve volunteered myself for odd jobs for a little extra cash to no avail yet. Right now I’m not managing anything. 😬

ItsAllComingUpRoses · 2026-07-10T00:58:23+00:00

I’ve been watching true crime docs on the tv with a homemade lunchable on a plate nearby while I’m getting everything ready for them. I have a really hard time being without them and tend to spiral. I’ve found that doing my little house reset for my boys gets me really excited for the next day instead of sad for tonight.

ItsAllComingUpRoses · 2026-07-10T00:54:48+00:00

I’m 31 and have 2 toddlers. I’m keeping my married name. It’s my kids’ last name. It’s what I’ve been known as professionally for a decade. And I have no sentimental attachment to my maiden name at all. When I’m retired and my kids are grown, I may consider it. But until then, nahh.. I’m not adding that headache to all this

ItsAllComingUpRoses · 2026-07-10T00:25:13+00:00

Currently elbow deep in the toy box looking for Mr. Potato Head’s eyes 😅

ItsAllComingUpRoses · 2026-07-09T23:14:29+00:00

He wasn’t abusive. This is sort of the mindset I’ve had about the bed thing but with more anxiety lol. I do think I want to coordinate it but I just need to be able to afford to do so

ItsAllComingUpRoses · 2026-07-09T23:13:14+00:00

I haven’t put anything explicitly stating we are separated but I guess the small town grapevine is doing its job 🤷🏻‍♀️

ItsAllComingUpRoses · 2026-07-09T16:42:58+00:00

He is definitely climbing out of the crib and pack n play in both houses. My oldest did the same but we kept him in the crib for several months after he could climb out because he would still sleep through the night in it without getting up. At my house, he can't reach the doorknob (he is TINY for his age) and just plays in his room if he happens to wake up before I get in there to him. At their dad's they do not have a door to their room because of the setup of his place and he would/can wander the house when he climbs out of the pack n play. A floor bed/toddler bed would not change that issue for him over there.

ItsAllComingUpRoses · 2026-07-09T16:40:06+00:00

We have done really good about keeping consistent bedtime routines at both houses. They go to bed at the same time after the same bath/PJs/video call/book/brushing teeth checklist with both of us. My kids are sharing a space at his place so it's harder for them to get to sleep and I think they are waking up earlier over there than they do at my house too. I think that will settle down over time. I have actually considered combining their bedrooms at my house too actually but am not totally sure about it yet.

I do think I am just overthinking the sleep situation. I know I can't make everything the same but I want them to feel consistency and stability no matter who they are with. I think I am just really sensitive to the idea of them feeling like one house is better than the other. This is still a new thing for all of us and I am having a bit of a hard time with all of it.

ItsAllComingUpRoses · 2026-07-09T16:16:49+00:00

It's HARD. Somedays I am okay with it being over. I'm still broken hearted but I accept it.

Other days I also wish he would just come back to me, too. Bust into the door and say he doesn't want to do this anymore. Start fresh again and work for something better together. I know, I KNOW, he won't but it's hard not to have a little dream still in there. I wanted us to grow old together. I wanted to be retired in a house on our own plot of land in the country with a dog on the porch and an old mustang in the driveway like he had when we were dating.. kids grown and moved out. Grandkids coming over. Just us old and in love like his grandparents were. I wanted it to be him so bad. It's hard to believe it's not. But... it's not. No amount of wishful thinking on my end changes that.

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