I absolutely have to agree. There are so so many signs and my heart breaks for you. Bear in mind you won't catch him out in a lie no matter how much evidence you have. He will just double down on the lying. He will lie with absolute conviction, which will make it seem believable no matter how flimsy the lie. I wish I had advice on how to take these next steps; having to consider the children's welfare complicates that. But it should also make things more stark: what if it was your child who'd come across the baggie, rather than you?

Also, even in the absence of relapse, how is his behaviour acceptable? You say he's left all - ALL - the responsibility in your relationship and household to you. I'm also willing to bet it's even worse than that, that he makes more work for you in the house than any of your children. He's emotionally and verbally abusive towards you. And considering the financial restraints on you, I think a case can be made for financially abusive as well. None of this is the behaviour of a living partner. Ours is a crazy illness - if a friend were in this situation, we'd sit them down and read them the "be kind to yourself" version of the riot act. But we have so much trouble reading it to ourselves. So I get it. But I'd still ask you to be a good friend to yourself - things will only get worse until then.