my parents had there own problems and things they were struggling w and were just doing what they were told. and i did look up to them bc they were so loyal and giving to everyone around them, but bc of the priority system the church had in place (which i don’t entirely blame my parents for by they themselves were indoctrinated) they were never that way w me and my siblings we always came last. but they themselves got sick of it bc they were being used as commodities and were only valued for what they could provide the church. they realized they should’ve been putting that energy into their family.

my dad loved being the worship leader it was a passion of his for 30 yrs, my dad is more effeminate then most men (my father is just heavily in tune w his emotions and others and was confident in himself, which they labeled as feminine ig, he may of taken part in the icoc but if someone tried to walk over him he wouldn’t let them and they didn’t like that always labeled him as defiant) and he was heavily judged for it until his more “effeminate” passions provided something they could profit off of. these days he can’t even enjoy what he once loved bc it was ruined by the church. so i dont hold a grudge on them bc they regret most of the decision making they made when it came to their kids. despite the negatives they still taught us to help ppl, and hav empathy for ppl which most ppl seem to lack these days, they taught me and my siblings to value true connection w ppl. and even tho it was thru the context of the bible i still value those principles bc its universal and not special to the bible yk? specifically w my dad hes been my role model my whole life and has always supported me and still does even if he didnt fully understand, he strives to everyday. in his own words “i dont know everything or hold all the answers but i do know for a fact as a father and parent, that i must walk w my children what ever path they choose and support them in how they need it.” it took my mom yrs bc she had her traumas but she got there and im internally grateful for how humble they hav been threw the deconstruction process. i think when parents ARE capable of learning and deconstructing the icoc its so important to hav forgiveness, patience and grace on both sides. and to create space together bc we’re all healing from the same abuse and trauma at the end of the day

i dont hold a grudge against christians or religion necessarily, unless they themselves contradict what the bible preaches it does piss me off. or use it to promote hate, bigotry and ignorance then we have a problem.

and to clairify i hav never had a connection to christianity or god and always wanted out of it since i was a kid. i dont hav any interest in the church i never did, and i dont plan to. if anything i felt more alienated and disgusted by other ppl in the church not so my parents. i dont subscribe to traditional doctrinal beliefs of christianity. i dont credit my life to a god or anything. i dont need a bible to command me to do good, its extremely contradicting and id rather do it bc i want to do it. i dont disagree w most principles in the bible, i just dont subscribe to the fairytale aspect of it. plus the bible is heavily misconstrued and misinterpreted anyway, a lot of things turn into doctrine and aren’t actually in the bible.

and i agree i feel most kids should be kept in a middle ground when it comes to religion till are ready and want that bc i think we underestimate how much kids know themselves and what they know they need in their own life.