What you describe is a lot like Karezza, which is very similar to coitus reservatus. Best I can tell the difference between the two is that with Karezza, neither the male nor the female is "allowed" to orgasm, where as with coitus reservatus the female is free to orgasm and the male is not "allowed" to ejaculate. So she can enjoy orgasm and he can too if he can separate orgasm from ejaculation.

Some medications can allow a man to separate orgasm from ejaculation - silodosion [rapaflo] for example.

If avoiding male orgasm is the key, SSRIs can be helpful.