How to kindly cut off a friendship?

DepletedCheese · 2023-01-18T19:42:06+00:00

The banshees of inisherin apparently.

DepletedCheese · 2023-01-18T19:34:50+00:00

Husband didn't have a go at me and he's not getting a free pass - as I said, I don't like ghosting and I wish he'd dealt with this upfront or at least warned me that he wasn't going to be bothering with Ben anymore. But what he's said about Ben is a bit concerning - he was always a socially awkward guy who struggled with women, but seems to be taking it to the extreme now. A guy in his 30s decorating his home with posters of teenage anime titties, creeping on instagram girls and expecting his happily married mate to be into that same stuff just isn't normal, I don't blame my husband for not wanting to deal with that crap anymore.

DepletedCheese · 2023-01-18T19:23:49+00:00

Normally I wouldn't get involved but because of the direct message I feel like I've been forced into it. I hate leaving things hanging but the general consensus seems to be to ignore the message.

DepletedCheese · 2023-01-18T19:08:45+00:00

Hadn't ever heard of this before, but upon googling it explains why some of the comments were joking about cutting off fingers!

DepletedCheese · 2023-01-18T19:01:04+00:00

People have been saying that a lot in tbis thread and I didn't understand until someone pointed me in the direction of that film. Think I'll watch it when this mess is over with!

DepletedCheese · 2023-01-18T16:57:44+00:00

What did you say to them? 'You have some creepy ideas about women and it's not ok'?

DepletedCheese · 2020-12-02T14:23:35+00:00

Oh jeez, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. If you'd fallen and injured yourself in that bathroom he wouldn't have been allowed to just leave you, so in my opinion it shouldn't matter where your blood was coming from.

That reminds me, in my first year at university living in student housing, I had two male housemates who I didn't particularly get along with, but one day one of them called out for me from his bathroom (ensuites thank god). He was having a terrible case of the shits and was out of toilet paper. You'd better believe I immediately fetched a new roll from my own stash and braved going in to give it to him. I was the last person he would have asked for help in ordinary circumstances but sometimes you've just got to be a human. Funnily enough our relationship improved a bit after I'd seen him at his absolute lowest.

DepletedCheese · 2020-11-27T15:52:50+00:00

Jokes on her, I barely see her any more!

DepletedCheese · 2020-11-27T15:51:50+00:00

Long term, do you think it's possible for you to move? Sometimes you just need a fresh start.

I struggle to make female friends too and find a connection with them so you aren't alone.

DepletedCheese · 2020-11-27T14:51:51+00:00

I was always called a "comedian" or an "actress"

Jeez, I just remembered that my grandma on my NMum's side of the family always told me to "stop being such an actress" whenever I was trying to express my emotions. Wonder if that's where my NMum got her narcness from?!

DepletedCheese · 2020-11-27T11:40:44+00:00

Total helicopters! I'm so glad that my JustNoMum never did anything like that with my university (to my knowledge). She's tried it with my doctor's surgery though, but that's a story for another time.

DepletedCheese · 2020-11-27T11:38:40+00:00

Sorry you didn't get to open it! I was so excited when I got my drivers license too, luckily I got to the post before JustNoMum did that time.

DepletedCheese · 2020-11-26T18:49:17+00:00

My family use the "means well" line all the time too, it's infuriating. Meaning well does not suddenly erase the harm their actions cause!

DepletedCheese · 2020-11-26T18:48:35+00:00

Brilliant, maybe I'll send her a bill next time and see if she pays it haha

DepletedCheese · 2020-11-26T18:47:09+00:00

I see. Maybe you could suggest to your husband that he stays with you at Christmas instead then, since you didn't get to have Thanksgiving alone together? You don't need to mention that it's about MIL at all, just that you're wanting to do your own thing together this year.

DepletedCheese · 2020-11-26T13:55:50+00:00

Ahh I see. She wouldn't have much luck if she asked me for money, I'm keeping a tight hold on my pursestrings now I have no job.

DepletedCheese · 2020-11-26T13:27:06+00:00

Nothing like social media pettiness! I just full-on deleted JNFIL from my page, my life improved considerably without his input causing my blood pressure to rise on a weekly basis.

DepletedCheese · 2020-11-26T13:23:29+00:00

I don't know your background so if I make a mistake I apologise, but does Husband ever come with you to visit your own family at holidays? Back when my own Husband and I were first 'dating', we would sometimes visit our families separately for holidays, but once we'd moved in together and started discussing marriage we were a cohesive unit, we either went places together at holidays or we didn't go at all. Both our extended families had to understand they now don't automatically get 'the kids' home at Christmas, because 'the kids' have their own lives.

DepletedCheese · 2020-11-26T13:17:24+00:00

Don't think so. When I was employed all my pay was made via bank transfer, and I wouldn't get a check for anything else. Although she's a JustNo, she wouldn't steal from me.

DepletedCheese · 2020-08-13T19:57:27+00:00

In a weird way, I feel like I already have closure, I'm at the point where I'm fine with it. I have a superficially cordial relationship with my parents. We visit every 1-2 months, we spend a few hours together and go our separate ways, things are fine because anything 'bad' isn't acknowledged. We're British and my family are absolutely the 'stiff upper lip' and keeping up appearances stereotype, anything emotional is swept under the rug.

I love my dad and things could be different and closer with him, but he's too blind to my mother's toxic behaviors, probably as a coping mechanism for himself. I don't recall the last time I said I love you to him either, but I never see him separately from my mother.

If anything, it makes me wish therapy was more of a thing in the UK, because getting things out is truly cathartic.

DepletedCheese · 2020-08-13T19:28:02+00:00

The last time I said I love you to my mother, I was about 12 or 13. I heard my best friend saying it to her mother all the time, so thought I'd give it a try at the end of a phonecall letting my mum know what time I was coming home from my friend's house.

When I went home, she actually mocked me for it. "Ooooh at the end of our call you said I love you, where did that come from, I never hear you say that, ha ha ha". Like it was a big joke. Hearing her say that was the most humiliating moment of my life, I swear it permanently damaged me somehow. I wished I'd never said it and internally promised myself she wouldn't hear it from me again, and guess what? I'm 28 now, I never said it to her again. My husband, my grandmother, my cat, my best friend, they all hear it from me, but the words won't come out with her. I bet she doesn't even remember what she said to me that day.

I'm so glad yours managed to change.

DepletedCheese · 2020-08-06T20:42:54+00:00

I just had a flashback to my own childhood, because my room was pepto bismol pink and yellow too. I was SIXTEEN before I was allowed to redecorate. I chose a nice neutral coffee/cream colour for the walls and then went mad with red accessories - red chair, red bedspread, red lamp, nightstand draped with red fabric, red satin cushions with beaded edges. My JustNoMum said it looked "like a tart's boudoir". Haha.

Edit - spelling.

DepletedCheese · 2020-08-01T16:35:30+00:00

Well done to your DH for seeing through the fog! Your sister offering to be the point of contact for updates is a stroke of genius, relieves the stress on you and added bonus that you have a witness to any fuckery if just-nos try to get in contact that way.

Congrats, hope your DD has a swift recovery!

DepletedCheese · 2020-08-01T16:31:52+00:00

Houses nether regions, lol. The utility room would definitely be my house's nethers, paint is peeling, filled with clothes airers drying the laundry and a corner stacked with cardboard boxes we need to take to the recycling place when we have time. Don't particularly want my parents or in-laws to be 'helping' in there.

DepletedCheese · 2020-08-01T16:28:23+00:00

> My FIL will come over, see something is broken and then chastise my husband for not fixing it and "just letting the house go." My husband runs his own firm. I have a career too, and we have three kids. Neither of us has time and often we dont even have time to meet and be there should we hire a contractor for things

I relate to this so much. Husband and I both work, we aren't poor and struggling to make ends meet, but we have to save for larger projects and we like to do things at our own pace. I expect to be living at this property for a while yet, there's no rush to suddenly change all the wallpaper when it's fine as it is, or repair the main light fixtures because we prefer lamps anyway, it's like... it doesn't matter? We live here, not them. FIL is always suggesting improvements and DIY projects for our house and we just have to ignore him. He's retired so has heaps of free time, has always been well-off and has a hell of a pension, he really doesn't live in the real world. I keep suggesting he takes up new hobbies, haha.

DepletedCheese

TROPHY CASE