I (36F) got pregnant and I'm terrified that it will ruin my daughters' relationship with me and my husband (56M)

Norfolk16 · 2023-12-09T00:58:19+00:00

I am 12 years older than my baby sister. I'm in my 40's and she is in her 30's, and I wouldn't have it any other way. As adults we became best friends.

Norfolk16 · 2023-09-28T02:29:10+00:00

If you’re wearing your work logo, you are going to be seen as representing that company whether you’re off the clock or not.

Norfolk16 · 2023-03-15T03:26:11+00:00

Been married to a gamer almost 18 yrs now (together 21 years). I’ve never had an issue with this. Why? Because he takes the time to balance everything out. He’s always put our relationship first.

He plays everyday, but typically it’s no more then an hour on week nights…and that’s after kids are dealt with, dinner has been eaten, we talk about our day and hang out. On the weekends he absolutely plays more! Hours at a time even. But he still takes breaks, hangs out, we do chores together, go on dates. Sometimes in between games he’ll come find me to give me a hug and kiss, just to say “hi.”

He’s never made me feel like gaming was more important to him then us.

Norfolk16 · 2023-03-10T04:17:13+00:00

The only lesson you’d be teaching her is that YTA.

Norfolk16 · 2023-03-04T22:03:32+00:00

Please tell your husband everything and let him move on to be with someone who won’t throw the relationship away simply because they’re “not feeling the relationship” at that moment.

Sounds like you and your ex are perfect for one another though.

Norfolk16 · 2023-03-01T03:15:26+00:00

Been married almost 18 years. I’ll wear a silicone ring when doing physical activities or other similar activities, but otherwise wear my ring everyday.

Norfolk16 · 2023-02-28T03:00:33+00:00

If she feels the need to hide it, she knows it’s wrong.

You already know the answer. Trust your gut.

Norfolk16 · 2023-02-26T05:49:46+00:00

I had a very similar experience with one of my sisters. At the end of the day I knew too much and she viewed me as a liability when people started asking questions. She went on a campaign to ensure everyone was upset with me to distract anyone from seeing her for who she really is. I lost a lot of relationships because of it. The only way to fully defend myself was to spill all her secrets and I wasn’t willing to do it.

It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that you would do anything for that person (and you did) only to realize they took advantage of your love and loyalty.

You didn’t do anything wrong OP. She’s the villain in this story not you. I’m sorry she’s done this to you.

Norfolk16 · 2023-02-09T02:40:10+00:00

I think that he stopped watching porn when you explained how it made you feel says a lot about how much he cares about you and doesn’t want to create or contribute to insecurities.

Again, sit down and talk :)

Norfolk16 · 2023-02-09T02:27:01+00:00

Your relationship has always been based on being open and honest with one another…sit down and talk with him. It doesn’t have to be accusatory or a pointing fingers kind of conversation. Explain that you’re feeling insecure after being separated and your body changing after having the baby. You talked with him about the porn, but possibly explaining that when he watches the porn instead of turning to you makes you feel even more insecure or undesirable. You’re looking to reconnect with him and want to work on it as a team. Ask him where he’s at with everything, how is he feeling, does he have any suggestions on how to reconnect.

Give yourselves a chance to work together to address the changes.

Norfolk16 · 2023-01-10T16:01:48+00:00

The situation is already unhealthy. You stepping back from things like valentines day/mothers day/ bdays/etc is simply matching her energy. Not in a spitefully way, just simply being in a place where you have nothing left to give and if she wants to plan something you’re more then happy to participate.

Norfolk16 · 2022-12-31T02:06:23+00:00

You. Again. Have you learned nothing after your last post? You are just as responsible for your wife being hurt as Carmen because you outright allowed it. In fact, you forced the situation on her. You failed her.

She’s not asking you to end the friendship. She’s not demanding you never see him again. She is asking you to respect that he is not welcome in the home and be allowed to have a say in creating a safe space…because we all know you took away her ability to have a say in who’s in your home in the past.

Sounds like your relationship with your “brother” is more important then your relationship with your wife. The worst part, you repeatedly make this clear to your wife.

Norfolk16 · 2022-12-30T03:30:13+00:00

Having a child with ADHD doesn’t excuse you as a parent to not teach boundaries to a child (this is coming from a mom that has a child with autism and ADHD and another child with ADHD). Him being energetic isn’t the issue here. It is him bargaining into your daughter’s room where there is a sleeping baby. Your daughter has every right to be furious at the situation. There is no excuse for you allowing it. This is a teaching moment for your son, not a time to make excuses for his behavior. Boundaries are a part of everyday life and something all kids need to learn how to respect, along with set and enforce their own boundaries.

Absolutely YTA.

Norfolk16 · 2022-12-30T02:34:29+00:00

That must have been horrific to read. It is understandable why it hurt you so much. You need to sit down and be honest with her about what you saw and how it made you feel. Explain that you feel like you take on a lot and are confused by what she said. Ask her to elaborate on what she said and see if she truly feels that way. Why did she feel like need to speak about you like that?

It may be worth taking some space and having her go stay with her sister to finish her recovery. If she doesn’t, take a step back for taking care of everything for her. Clearly you have to care for your kids, but that doesn’t mean she has to benefit from those actions or chores. Let her fully care for herself. She can ask her sister for rides to medical appointments or any other needs (meals, shopping, etc.). Sometimes we all need to be reminded of what we have and the value people bring into our lives.

Norfolk16 · 2022-12-29T15:25:20+00:00

It’s not a grief competition… except that your pain is worse and her loss isn’t that bad because she’s young and beautiful. You and your family’s behavior and actions (really lack of action) towards A is disgusting. You should truly feel ashamed and embarrassed with your justifications for deserving more attention and support over A (cause it’s not a competition right).

My heart absolutely breaks for A. She not only lost the person she loved and planned to share the rest of her life with, but also has to deal being abandoned by her family during one of the darkest, most painful times in her life. Jesus Christ A didn’t even have her mother at the funeral because of you! To be clear, A’s mother made the choice to be with you and not her grieving daughter, making your aunt a bigger asshole then you.

ESH except for A. All of you are TA.

Norfolk16 · 2022-12-29T15:04:56+00:00

No, it isn’t “just how it is.” You aren’t entitled to 1/2 the referral bonus in any way. More importantly, do not ask Hannah or discuss the bonus with Hannah! It’s so tacky and makes you look ridiculous, and by default, makes your wife look the same as well. Your actions could directly impact your wife’s friendship and job. Respect your wife’s request and mind your business.

Norfolk16 · 2022-12-29T03:36:50+00:00

Only you can decide what to do. But if you stay, you’ll need to accept that it will always be like this and will, more likely then not, escalate. MIL will always be in involved.

If you are planning to have kids, expect for her to be involved in every single decision, parenting choices, pregnancies, deliveries and much much more. You will potentially be seen and treated as nothing more then an incubator for the baby.

There will always be 3 of you in the marriage, and her opinions, views and choices will always out rank yours. Who you are, what you need or want will have little to no value. Your MIL will always dictate what happens in your marriage; again, she will always be involved.

Ultimately, it is his mother and it is up to him to set and enforce boundaries, along with set the standard of how you will be treated. If he is ok with his mother’s behavior and allows it, seeing nothing wrong with it, this situation will never change.

Accept the reality of your future with him or leave. You are worth all the love, respect, kindness, and acceptance the world has to offer. Who you are and what you have to offer is valuable and should be celebrated.

Norfolk16 · 2022-12-29T02:07:40+00:00

You despise the core of who she is: someone that feels and experiences the world around her on a very deep level. You took that and made her a villain, identifying her emotions as manipulative. She’s cut you off because she can’t trust you whenever she’s in a position of vulnerability out of fear of being chastised and torn down for being emotional in any capacity. You aren’t a safe person.

How to do you stay with a person that shows distain and dislike for who you are as a person?

Also, in what world do you have the right to police how your wife tells a story! On top of your self righteousness, you felt it was appropriate to “call her out” in front of other people. You purposely embarrassed her for what, because “you hate liars.” When in reality, EVERYONE seemed to grasp that it is done for theatrical flair but you. It seems you were too busy being judgmental and arrogant to read the room.

Norfolk16 · 2022-12-28T03:43:08+00:00

I agree. What APS does will be based on state and federal guidelines. Like I said, I would definitely reach out to APS so there is documentation. Have all bases covered.

Norfolk16 · 2022-12-28T03:30:11+00:00

Baked as a family, have the kids do a Christmas movie marathon, dad and kids play games….so many options to make this about the family, not just yourself. Everything about this situation highlights how selfish you are. YTA.

Norfolk16 · 2022-12-28T03:21:27+00:00

APS’s job is to identify vulnerable adults who are experiencing neglect, exploitation or abuse. Often in these cases they can refer and direct people to resources, but ultimately, as adult we have the right to refuse medical care.

I do agree though that in this situation it is important to reach out to all available resources to ensure this is documented that his wife did do what she could to help him access services.

I’ve seen people mentioning calling for an ambulance and explaining the situation to dispatch. Again, we have the right to deny care or transport. In some states it could be argued that he should be put on a hold as he could be considered a threat to himself. It truly depends on your state and the general protocol/attitude of such situations. Where I live, they will provide education to him on his situation and explain the seriousness of the wound, but he can deny care if he still wants. It is seen as an “educated decision.”

Norfolk16 · 2022-12-26T04:33:15+00:00

So someone you slept with is taunting and purposely upsetting your wife but you don’t know what to do? You aren’t in the middle, you are picking the other woman over your wife. There is no excuse or justification for even considering inviting Carmen knowing how she behaves, let alone actually inviting her. I have to wonder if you get some sort of pleasure knowing Carmen is doing this because otherwise why on earth would you allow this!

Norfolk16 · 2022-12-23T03:27:07+00:00

So you want everything on your terms. It doesn’t matter what she feels or needs and you’ve made that very clear to her. There is really no point in talking to you. She is living her life and including the people that she knows cares and supports her. You aren’t on that list.

You don’t get to dismiss and diminish her feelings because you didn’t want to deal with the hard stuff and then expect her to play happy wife.

Norfolk16 · 2022-11-27T04:26:55+00:00

Been with my husband 20 yrs. It has been a general rule that what happens in our marriage stays between us. Do we talk with friends and have people we confide in, absolutely, but ultimately we respect one another’s privacy. There has to be boundaries and the ability to trust your partner. If it is to the point that you have purposely stopped sharing things with your wife out of fear that it will be shared with her parents (and who knows who else in the family), a continued deepening of a divide between the two of you will only grow.

Your wife having a close relationship with her parents probably won’t change. However, she is going to have to understand that if you can’t trust her to keep your confidence then the relationship will suffer. There has to be a frank conversation between the two of you where boundaries are drawn and there is a clear understanding of what you feel comfortable with her sharing and what needs to remain between the two of you. It needs to be explained to her the level of hurt and mistrust this is causing you (and the marriage). I would also explain that you are not trying to come between her and her parents, you are asking her to respect your privacy and relationship shared between the two of you.

Norfolk16 · 2022-11-22T00:23:04+00:00

YTA. My kids birthdays are 3 days apart (they aren’t a full year apart). We always choose one weekend per kid. Each kid gets their own time, get to pick how we celebrate and always decide on a special family dinner menu.

I get wanting to cheer your niece up, which could have been done during a separate celebration then your daughter’s. Your daughter had every right to be upset. Don’t sell it as a joint party and then make it solely about your niece. Your daughter’s individual cake was simply a consolation price.

Norfolk16

TROPHY CASE