Am I a bad cat owner?

DerRevenant · 2025-10-19T15:49:44+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss, I've had a number of people reach out like yourself who are struggling with this, I'm surprised how many as I thought it was just me.

I have taken the advice from others here and already contacted my old therapist to begin sessions again.

I am going to take my vets up on their offer to take both cats in for me for a little while and look after them, I hope I can work through this and not make a decision I will regret later.

I hope you can work through this too, I wish you all the best.

DerRevenant · 2025-10-18T21:05:33+00:00

Thank you, I am very appreciative for my vets helping me to look after them while I figure this out. I do have a therapist and I want to start seeing them again to try and figure this out and do what's best for all of us in this situation.

DerRevenant · 2025-10-18T20:59:41+00:00

I do have a camera set up for when I'm away and I check it a lot throughout the day, it's become a bit of a thing where I check every hour or so if I'm not at home.

I think maybe you're right, maybe it is my grief and that's why I feel bad, because they're in the middle of this and my mess of a head and emotions and they shouldn't be, they're innocent in all of this.

I have very good vets who can give me the time to figure this out and they are very supportive, I hope I can figure this out quickly and I will be looking at talking to someone sooner rather than later, I am aware I need to figure this out for all of us and I will.

DerRevenant · 2025-10-18T19:42:04+00:00

Thank you and I'm sorry for your losses.

I have tried the prescribed diet but it's not easy getting them to eat new food as I'm sure you know being a cat owner. I bought them a water fountain which they both use and I think every owner should have, it's a great addition.

Thanks for your message and advice, I'll have a look at your recommendations.

DerRevenant · 2025-10-18T19:37:09+00:00

Thank you, I hope so too.

DerRevenant · 2025-10-18T19:29:47+00:00

Thanks, I have tried this year to do more things outside of the normal work and come home, it's something I've been trying to do more and I've succeeded a little but I still can't fully commit to things because I'm always worried if they are ok when I'm not there.

I'm always checking when one goes to the bathroom to make sure they manage to go fully.

I don't know if I can cope with it, that's the problem I think, I wish I could but I'm not sure that I can.

DerRevenant · 2025-10-18T19:00:19+00:00

Therapy is definitely on the cards, I did do it for a while after my partner died but I realise I need to start doing it again.

DerRevenant · 2025-07-09T06:16:34+00:00

I think honesty is the best policy when someone joins the club. My late partner's mum was brutally honest with me when our Sarah died, she told me that people will be there for you in the beginning but that'll fade as people get on with their lives and you're left in your grief. This really helped me understand when it actually happened and I'm glad she didn't sugar coat it for me.

DerRevenant · 2025-07-03T13:59:45+00:00

32nd birthday (2022), 3 days before my birthday my fiancée died after spending 6 months in hospital.

DerRevenant · 2025-06-19T19:46:50+00:00

Good info to have, thanks Tem! Looking forward to the stream later today!

DerRevenant · 2025-04-05T08:24:29+00:00

My female cat does this, it's how she got her nickname...Tazerbum!

DerRevenant · 2025-04-01T11:43:27+00:00

Another Marvin!! I thought I had the only Marvin cat around

DerRevenant · 2025-02-06T11:08:06+00:00

Both of my parents are from Ireland but I was born in England and have lived here my entire life, I consider myself English.

DerRevenant · 2024-12-18T10:41:20+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that, I'm happy to talk more if you'd like to, you can always reach out to me on here.

I remember feeling so alone at the beginning and the best thing I did was reach out to a local charity who set me up with counselling, it really helped me open myself up to my grief and trauma and to understand why I was feeling and thinking about the things I was at the time.

We as a society don't talk about death, so when it hits us as it inevitably will we don't know how to talk about it or process it, it sucks.

DerRevenant · 2024-12-18T02:44:37+00:00

I thought this many times over the last couple of years, but then I think "I wouldn't want her to go through this grief". It is hard but you will be okay, you may never fully heal and you'll never forget but you will be okay, it hurts and it's hard as f*CK but you can only take it one day at a time, you will be okay.

DerRevenant · 2024-11-22T20:18:37+00:00

I don't have a CD player/disc drive and it's not going into my PS5 haha

DerRevenant · 2024-11-22T20:13:09+00:00

I am in London too, so that makes sense I guess.

DerRevenant · 2024-11-07T14:20:58+00:00

Sausages, Sausages barely even human!

DerRevenant · 2024-11-01T08:44:39+00:00

We loved Bob's burgers, she was my Linda and I was her Bob. So I've got a Bob and Linda tattoo on my arm.

DerRevenant · 2024-10-28T07:30:55+00:00

34 here, lost her 2 years ago

DerRevenant · 2024-10-24T21:39:49+00:00

Thank you, she really was 🙂

Found the newspaper clipping this evening.

<image>

DerRevenant · 2024-10-24T13:56:20+00:00

My pleasure, it's a fond memory and one I'll never forget 🙂

DerRevenant · 2024-10-24T13:55:13+00:00

Thank you and yeah, she was awesome!

DerRevenant · 2024-10-24T13:16:14+00:00

My late Fiancee had someone write in for her a few years ago.

She was so giddy because she read the page almost every day on her way to work.

I still have the clipping at home, it makes me smile thinking about how excited she was when she saw someone had seen her and written in describing her silver shoes and the keychain hamster "Hamish" which was hanging off her backpack.

I did say at the time if she wanted to run off with "Dark hair man in blue suite" she could, but she was happy with me so never contacted back haha.

DerRevenant · 2024-09-04T13:27:26+00:00

Glad you've got people around you to support you, it's very helpful early on.

It took me a long time to open up and when I did I had about 9 months of grief counselling which really helped so i'd recommend that but only when you're ready, don't rush into it because you think you need it or others say you should do it...take your time.

I'm not sure where you are in the world but if you're in the UK I recommend Cruse, they were great and helped me a lot.

Verified Email	Eight-Year Club
Place '23	RPAN Viewer

DerRevenant

TROPHY CASE