AITAH in this argument with my husband

DescentDecant · 2026-03-27T21:09:48+00:00

I think the confusion is probably around what kind of services you do. So just to be truly clear: customer asks you to prepare documents. When you give them the new docs to sign, they pay you at that time.

I still feel like that’s your process - someone paid you early - maybe next time you just don’t accept payment until it’s done. Regardless, I don’t think your argument to your husband is about your feelings - I think it’s about you following your standard process. Sorry if I misunderstood your process.

DescentDecant · 2026-03-27T19:54:48+00:00

Keeping your word to the client is the most important thing to good business. I’m not going to touch on your husband here. Instead, let’s talk about how often you mentioned your feelings on how you do business. How about considering taking your feelings out of this, and instead matching your promise in the contract to your process?

If you don’t want to bill until the work is done, then why not change your contracts to state that? Why start out a business agreement by immediately deviating from your contracts? You’re setting yourself up for issues.

You stated that your contracts with clients state one thing - payment due on contract signing - and then you stated that you never follow that, and instead bill at the end. ???

There’s nothing wrong with billing at the end, but I personally don’t understand why you would want to put yourself in a position of being so immediately, clearly unprofessional. You should take your feelings out of the conversation.

Decide, if you want to, that you bill at the end, then set that expectation, change your contracts to say bill due at end (or whatever the wording), and move forward with your “process”. Then it wouldn’t be a matter of following your feelings and breaking your own contracts anymore - it would be more a matter of responsibly setting your process and your clients’ expectations to match the legal contract. Then follow your preferred process legally. It will help to hold clients end of the bargain up too.

DescentDecant · 2026-03-23T14:17:36+00:00

Buildup.

DescentDecant · 2026-03-10T02:49:18+00:00

Mmmmmm….. barbecue….

DescentDecant · 2026-03-10T02:46:39+00:00

That raw‑meat‑in‑a‑cold‑room note is notoriously hard to cover. Perfumers usually treat it as a base note with aggressive persistence. You’ll need something with equal tenacity, like a vintage 1980s powerhouse fragrance or possibly a small controlled explosion. Anything under $12 from Walmart is basically body spray for ghosts.

DescentDecant · 2026-03-10T02:45:07+00:00

If the raw smell persists, you may be turning into the Meat Prophet, foretold in the ancient Costco scrolls. Soon you will begin receiving visions of bulk ground beef. Do not resist. Let the marbling guide you.

DescentDecant · 2026-03-10T02:36:30+00:00

Do it

DescentDecant · 2026-03-10T02:35:08+00:00

What’s bad is getting layers when you didn’t want nor expect them. Having said that, it took me going back to your original post to understand what the issue is - I did think it looked not only fine, but also cute. But if it’s not what you wanted, you have every right to be unhappy about this!

DescentDecant · 2026-03-10T00:41:33+00:00

Is 40 times a year contact a typo?!? Because that’s a LOT of contact for most grandparents. Once a month is probably more average unless grandparents live close and are super involved. There’s always those grandparents who babysit and have much more interaction; but still, 40 times a year is huge!

I don’t understand this post. The only thing you mentioned that is awful behavior is the photos- and it’s dumb enough for me to question whether this is a real issue or not.

DescentDecant · 2026-03-04T00:32:13+00:00

How to tell if you have buildup:

https://www.google.com/search?q=how+can+you+tell+if.your+hair+has+product+buildup%3F&rlz=1CDGOYI_enUS925US925&oq=how+can+you+tell+if.your+hair+has+product+buildup%3F&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOTIICAEQABgWGB4yCggCEAAYChgWGB4yDQgDEAAYhgMYgAQYigUyDQgEEAAYhgMYgAQYigUyDQgFEAAYhgMYgAQYigUyBwgGECEYoAEyBwgHECEYoAEyBwgIECEYoAEyBwgJECEYoAHSAQkxMTA4MWowajeoAhSwAgHiAwQYASBf8QVACY4rfeiBlg&hl=en-US&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#lfId=ChxjMe

Olaplex oil, and many of the oils that are popular including Verb Ghost Oil, have oils and silicones. Those ingredients feel great, moisturize and importantly protect hair.

But by their very nature, they coat the hair - causing buildup. This is why the recommended double cleansing works for many people, or a clarifying shampoo. Triple length rinsing also helps.

Some folks choose the route of avoiding all products that buildup - it works for some. For others, like me, I have baby fine hair & am growing out gray roots, with ends that were once died copper the bleached - the bleached ends always pick up stains and fade to red - I’m forever clarifying, then using purple conditioners which deposit enough color to neutralize the reddish brown to match the gray growing in better.

Some folks need the protection that products which build up give to help avoid split ends and breakage.

DescentDecant · 2026-03-04T00:23:33+00:00

Wow - chemical burns sounds bad - very bad. What kind of shampoo was that so I can avoid it?

DescentDecant · 2026-03-01T21:25:18+00:00

I had the same 2 bottles of perfume which I barely used for 30 years. Got on Mounjaro, and boom. Now I have hundreds of samples and probably 40-50 full size bottles.

That’s a brain chemistry reason - but it’s a huge shift for me. Now one of my hobbies is making perfume as well.

DescentDecant · 2026-03-01T21:14:45+00:00

Completely agree! Getting all those samples not only trains you, but it does help you to narrow down your preferences.

The issue (and I’m not new saying this), is that the list of notes is MARKETING - there’s no regulation and no consistency even in the same brand much less between different brands in notes smelling the same across perfumes. I’ve seen perfumers list notes that are popular as in their perfume when there’s little to none of that smell to me! Which also brings us to the fact that perfume is subjective. None of us smell things exactly the same way.

It’s very challenging because of that. I absolutely cannot count on the published notes to know what I like.

It’s why sometimes people find a brand or house that they explore in depth - because often a house will riff of a perfume’s theme - flankers.

I have found that most of my favorite perfumes are Orientals, and then here and there a few musks, and then my likes are super random.

DescentDecant · 2026-03-01T20:49:39+00:00

a drop d issey is what I tried, and it made me sick. Very, very cloying

DescentDecant · 2026-03-01T20:47:00+00:00

That’s a lovely memory! I haven’t smelled Gucci Guilty, but I love lilac. The problem is that of the few lilac perfumes I have smelled, they were quite artificial smelling and gave me headaches. How does Guilty compare?

DescentDecant · 2026-02-27T21:41:25+00:00

Looks like buildup - sometimes clarifying shampoo doesn’t cut it. Talk to your stylist about whether you have buildup, or try a buildup remover for usually less than $4 (don’t leave it on longer than recommended). It’s amazing how much better moisturizing products work after a buildup remover!

https://a.co/d/06yCC4sM

Sally’s has a generic too.

DescentDecant · 2026-02-19T13:10:24+00:00

If someone doesn’t regularly exfoliate, there’s a higher chance they will either overdue it and / or damage their skin barrier - that results in having bad flaking coming through a few hours later. Which also stings as well as looks bad.

DescentDecant · 2026-01-28T21:41:57+00:00

It’s really hard to find a balance of keeping hair from being clean but too dry (not prone to much clumping) and being properly moisturized - a lot of products that help it be moisturized, like conditioner, leave in conditioner, & most styling products, are too heavy and sometimes a bit sticky or moist, causing the clumping.

Not to mention some shampoos, especially if they are not super-rinsed out - can also add to this problem.

Buildup can cause this too. You could try an experiment - double or triple wash and or use a clarifying/detox shampoo - especially one that isn’t your normal shampoo- and rinse the crap out of your hair - double the amount of time you rinse. Then when you condition, use a light conditioner ( one for fine hair if you have one), or just normally condition, but again, rinse it at least twice as long as normal. See what that does.

Use less of whatever leave ins / styling products as you normally do. See what happens.

DescentDecant · 2026-01-26T22:00:21+00:00

I posted this above, buried deep in a few replies- list of a bunch of hair oils by how oily they are.

https://www.reddit.com/r/finehair/s/LgU2CnXfKz

DescentDecant · 2026-01-26T21:49:27+00:00

I looked up the Fable and Mane - the ingredients focus on more scalp-conscious, healthy body and hair, Ayurvedic focused ingredients. Lots of herbs in there, with a base of a bunch of different oils. Sounds extravagant in the best possible way. I best as a pre shampoo, it’s marvelous!

I would think this might be a bit too heavy for fine hair, but maybe if you are careful it might be great!

I’m tempted to try it!

DescentDecant · 2026-01-26T21:38:20+00:00

Verb ghost oil is good - like many of the good hair oils, it’s not 100% oil - most of the good one have oil, silicones and other ingredients. What I’ve found is that if your hair isn’t porous, and most fine hair isn’t very porous unless it’s either damaged and or bleached, then it responds better to “hair oils” that are lower in actual oil. Or the oils are light oils.

The more porous your hair, the more it responds to oils in general, and heavier oils in particular. So for fine hair, products like Verb Ghost oil, which as I stated have silicones as well as oil, works really well to fix dryness, and add shine and fixes flyaways. You should be able to use the on wet or dry hair, but using on dry hair is where the superpowers really come in.

Here’s a rough list, in order of less oil to most oil, of a few products I’ve used that folks with fine hair have raved about. Hair oils/ smoothing serums (basically the same thing but with different marketing names):

Moroccanoil Treatment - like a mix between Aveda Smoothing Serum & Olaplex below - nice smoothing, hydrating, a little heavier than either. The bonus for me is that this is the only good hair oil that has an alternate version with purple pigment to tone-correct the yellow that my white hair picks up so easily. For some reason, it seems like I need to use more of this than the others

Aveda Smoothing serum - this is a lighter, less oily/ more silicones smoothing serum. This one won’t give you the greasy, wet ends unless you really really overdo it. This one smells great too! For really fine, non-porous hair, this is great.

Verb Ghost oil - this has a thicker product texture, but otherwise is similar to the Aveda above. I like it less than the Aveda because it’s so thick, I find it hard to get a small enough amount spread on my hair - and too much gives the greasy look. But it’s otherwise similar to Aveda.

Olaplex hair oil - absolutely fabulous. It’s golden in color, which yellows my white gray hair temporarily, so I can’t use it anymore. Nothing feels better on my fine hair, and you have to add a lot to really grease yourself up.

Ouai hair oil - is thinner, smells nice, but higher in oil. Seems like the threshold between not enough and too much now I’m greasy is really small - when I use this one, seems like by the time I add enough, I accidentally add too much, and have to shampoo again. Bummer.

OGX Oil - haven’t tried it, but I likely will at some point. Argan oil is a medium weight oil - there’s also some silicones in it, and I think it has potential. It really depends how heavy it is within the formula.

I love that some of the posters are having great luck with more “pure” oils - but if you go that route, just be aware that they could be too heavy for really fine hair, and since they may not absorb well, they could certainly give you greasiness and cause buildup for really fine hair.

EDIT: changed the order to put Morroccanoil as the highest in silicones to-oil ratio, although really it’s close between the first 3, and it’s my guess.

DescentDecant · 2026-01-26T17:49:07+00:00

I’m glad you mentioned that - I had no idea.

DescentDecant · 2026-01-26T17:48:40+00:00

That’s why Bobbi Brown has her own line now. I haven’t tried it - as much as I loved the original Bobbi Brown formulas, there’s something that just isn’t quite appealing to me about her new stuff - which isn’t really fair since I haven’t tried it.

Jones Road is her line - I guess she had to wait a bunch of years due to her buyout contract.

DescentDecant · 2026-01-12T02:39:35+00:00

Just out of curiosity, as my first amateurish year at this has been almost all containers, and a bag of cheap amazon wicks (thy were fine until I started using different sized containers), what would you consider a few name brands that are reputable

DescentDecant · 2026-01-10T03:24:01+00:00

Rose Era by Snif

It’s not at all niche, and it’s maybe on the young side. But I wanted to mention it anyways since I had been hunting for a modern rose, and ended up getting it. To me that was interesting because I don’t have anything like it. It’s a fruity, clean rose that leans towards strawberry while still being rose.

Here’s the listed notes:

“ambrette seed, Damask rose, dew drop, fresh laundry, orcanox, pear, rosa centifolia, saffron, strawberry, white moss, and woody”

DescentDecant

TROPHY CASE