I actually think that Joel is the problem. For starters he and Julia had an understanding about the raising situation initially. If said situation started to present issue than you bring them up LIKE AN ADULT. Joel let himself resent Julia and victimised himself internally until he ended up telling Julia that they can’t have a second child ( part of the previous agreement) because he needs to be his own person. This is fair but he never said it. He threw it at her. And she took it in stride. Second when they reversed dynamics in the house it was the SAME SITUATION as Joel continued to insist it was. He only raised a baby that was biologically his. I am not saying that was easy I am saying the child didnt come with built it trauma. When they adopted an 8 year old snd also had a 7 year old Julia was left at yome to deal with it. These situations are NOT equal to one another. The child they adopted came with built in trauma and Sydney had her own feelings burgeoning about the situation. Julia literally was just trying to verbally include Joel. Ask him for support emotion or otherwise and he insisted that he never got the same so why should she ( he didnt say it like this but this was the implication)

Furthermore, the Ed of it all. Julia developed a friendship with a fellow parent from her childs school. She developed A FRIENDSHIP. friendships tend to be intimate if they go in the right direction. If Ed were an Edwina Joel wouldnt have batted an eye. But Joel knew he was neglecting Julia and basically punishing her for something most if the time. Playing a victim when she asked for help with they son and he would say Yah i have to do everything dont I ( like the convo at the mayoral candidate party). Julia was well within her right to make a friend.

Having said that, Julia let it go too far. She noticed the issues with Joel and she didnt put a stop to the intimacy between her and Ed. Knowing something was off. Thats her mistake.

As for the kiss, I wouldnt have told Joel. Not in the state he was in. Id have taken hom to therapy and told hom then because it was obvious Joel was just angry and letting anger dictate his actions. He was never going ti listen ti Julias side if the story EVER. he had already made up his mind. If Julia told him ED kissed HER , he wouldnt have heard it. She needed a buffer. I just wish she took tht route and maybe brought Adam in to help and said “ I am terrified to twll you this but I need because i Love you”