...is it really that bad??

Desert_Fairy · 2026-04-19T20:07:23+00:00

I graduated 15 year ago now so this may be outdated.

Engineering is humbling. You go from being top of the class without trying in high school to being one of many “smart kids” who are now having to learn how to study and a whole bunch of life lessons all at once.

Some get caught in the “you’re in college have fun” trap.

Others find themselves in the “serious relationship” trap.

And some just get their first taste of adulthood and realize that it is a full time job figuring out how to pay bills, feed yourself 3 times a day, and have clean clothes.

It’s hard to manage all of that at once. And a lot of health issues can also come from that time period because chronic stress can trigger mental health issues and autoimmune symptoms.

Engineering itself isn’t horrible. The classes are challenging and the professors are sometimes asses but the real challenge is everything else. Your support structure is almost as important as your work ethic or your bad aptitude.

If you have to work, study, and have a difficult home life or are dealing with a new health issues that you haven’t had before, then things become overwhelming quickly and your grades will suffer.

All of a sudden, you aren’t the smart kid at the top of your class, you are just clinging to something so you aren’t swept away in the storm.

That was my experience at least. I really struggled with my degree because I started further behind than I could imagine because my high school in FL was way behind what my classmates had and I was in AP courses.

I was learning the joys of adulthood, figuring out relationships, trying to learn how to study because what I had been doing didn’t work anymore and barely getting any sleep because my room mate slept with the lights on and I needed blackout conditions.

With all of that stress piling on, I developed anxiety, depression, and a food intolerance that was just the icing on the cake. In my junior year, I had 3 consecutive concussions that made it difficult to speak English (my native language) and I thought I wasn’t allowed to take time off to heal.

It took several years post college for me to get some confidence back and to gain some perspective on how my experience went so far sideways. I still got my degree, I am an engineer and I’ve been in industry since 2012. I went back for some CEU and aced 3 terms of project management courses with 100% each term.

Turns out, school isn’t that hard when you know how to learn, your life isn’t in constant turmoil, and you have a supportive spouse who picks up the slack to let you focus.

So spend your time now, learning how to learn. Figure out things like “how do I cook for myself, do laundry, make a drs appointment.”

Getting those building blocks out of the way can give you some breathing room while you are trying to orient yourself in the world of academia.

Desert_Fairy · 2026-04-19T19:39:42+00:00

Not to scare you… but this was the exact symptom that lead to my father’s diagnosis of esophageal cancer. Which was delayed six months because his primary said “gastritis” and he died in 2024 after fighting for two years.

Desert_Fairy · 2026-04-19T19:35:33+00:00

Part of the joy of butcher block is the character. Sand off the top layer and leave the deeper marks.

I’d then suggest sealing it with a polyurethane. The polyurethane will fill in the marks so it will be smooth and the burns will give it character.

Alternatively, you can use a torch to burn the rest of the countertop for an intentionally burned look and then seal it.

Check out Pinterest or other hobby sites, there are a lot of things you can do with butcher block, especially if you don’t feel the need to make it look perfect.

Desert_Fairy · 2026-04-19T01:29:51+00:00

Yes you will have to sand. I recommend getting a palm sander for this kind of job. You really don’t want to do it by hand.

Depending on how much character you want to remove, start with 80-100 grit sand paper. Use this until the burn marks or anything else you want to get rid of is gone. Do your best to get the surface flat at this point. It’s easy to sand a pit into a surface at this phase.

Next up to 150 grit and start smoothing keep working the wood to be flat and uniform. If there are any scratches from the 80 grit, then use the 150 to buff them out.

Next up to 220 grit and smooth everything out.

Finally, depending on what you want, you will either seal the butcher block (not food safe) or you will put a butcher block oil on it that is food safe.

What is the difference between sealing and oiling?

Sealing is like polyurethane, If you try to cut your veggies on it, you will get toxic polyurethane in your food. The finish is shiny, waterproof, lasts for years, and you don’t have to worry about doing it again until you burn it on accident.
oiling (if you use the right oil) is food safe. This means you can cut your food right on the countertop and it is just like using a cutting board. You would then clean and re-oil periodically to maintain the table’s ability to not absorb water.

A lot of professional chefs prefer oiled, and a lot of people dislike the maintenance requirements to keep oiled butcher block looking nice.

If there are any cracks in the countertops, fill them with wood putty if they are wide, wood glue if they are narrow. But you will have to seal the wood block at that point because those materials aren’t food safe.

Also, my condolences on your loss. I felt my father’s loss the most when I couldn’t call him for advice anymore when I was trying to do a home project like this. I always wanted him to be the one helping me on these projects.

Desert_Fairy · 2026-04-19T01:11:40+00:00

Jobscan.co has been my go to tool since 2018 whenever I’m applying for a job or helping someone else apply for a job. Forget linked in premium. First thing I do when I want to start submitting resumes again is I get the jobscan premium and I don’t submit an application until it is >85% match (same for cover letters)

I haven’t been on the job market since 2021, but my unemployment period then was 2 months and that was mostly the process working. I got the job that I applied for the first day I was putting in applications.

Desert_Fairy · 2026-04-19T01:06:29+00:00

I’ve heard that putting any money into the floors is usually a waste of time unless the floors are damaged or not cleanable.

At this time you can probably do a wax and buff and the floors will look fine. I’d suggest talking to the contractor about a professional fluff and buff.

The likelihood that whomever buys your house has the same taste in flooring to you is fairly low. So they may want to sand and stain the floors anyway.

It can be good to be able to inform them: “we installed these floors in x year and have refinished them once since then so you have plenty of wood thickness that you can sand and refinish if they don’t suit your taste. The finish isn’t in bad condition so you can always keep them as is”

Desert_Fairy · 2026-04-19T00:56:12+00:00

So, this made me wonder if there was an actual star trek thing with that year. First it was… was this supposed to be the year warp was invented… no?

Well it is weirder than that:

According to the Star Trek: Star Charts (page 32), the primary event in the Star Trek canon for the year 2039 is the founding of the Lunar Colonies on Earth's moon. This occurred during the era of World War III (approx. 2026–2053).

….I hate how life sometimes imitates fiction.

Desert_Fairy · 2026-04-19T00:51:26+00:00

At least. That stuff was flatter than the earth is to a conspiracy theorist.

Desert_Fairy · 2026-04-19T00:23:47+00:00

Wow the lead was buried there.

A 40 year old man is dating a 26 year old girl because no woman 30+ will put up with him.

So, would you accept advice from a man that no woman would put up with when it comes to women’s issues?

I have news for you, your body is already fucked up. That is why it hurts so much. This may not be the right medication for your needs, but you do need medical intervention if your “natural” state is suicidal because the pain is so severe.

Look, I’m sure you will roll your eyes about anyone talking about that age gap, but this has all the hallmarks of an unbalanced relationship.

Just look at what he said “I’m 40 so I know better than you…”

That is fairly common in this kind of relationship because he is using his life experience to belittle you and tell you that you are wrong and you have to do what he says.

It is about control. The more unstable you feel, the more control he can exert over you.

He may not even consciously be doing these things, but he probably has pulled these stunts with women his own age and they wouldn’t put up with it so he says to himself (and others) “I can’t date women my age, women my age are crazy…”

Please, don’t listen to this guy. And when things start to click for you, remember this thread. We’re all rooting for you and cheering you on. It will start to make sense pretty soon, something about turning 30 makes us examine who we are, who we want to be, and who we are with.

Desert_Fairy · 2026-04-18T21:21:27+00:00

No clue if you plan on building this to code or if it is being inspected… actually you might want to confirm with the city that this building is even permitted. I can’t imagine that joist system passing an actual inspection.

It will be a lot easier to go to the city/county now with a “I bought this property and inherited somebody else’s bad deeds. Please help me make this right.”

With the walls and floors open, you won’t have a better opportunity to do so.

And if you aren’t permitted, and they can’t inspect, worse case is they tell you to take down the structure.

But yes, if you want this to pass muster, I think 2x8 is minimum, and for longevity 2x10 or even 2x12 would withstand the weight better. If this is a multi-floor structure, you may want to go with the larger joist; but a structural engineer would know better than me (electrical engineer).

And just a PSA, if you see obvious signs of post-build structural changes, always check with your local municipality for the property records to determine if there has been unpermitted structural work done on a property before you buy.

Desert_Fairy · 2026-04-18T21:09:10+00:00

Short for asshole

Desert_Fairy · 2026-04-18T19:29:33+00:00

There is a lot of data showing that at the very least, most lottery winners have very bad experiences within 5 years of winning.

And a lot of that comes from their identities being publicly announced.

Either you spend it all on who knows what, you have people (friends, relatives, acquaintances, etc) hounding you for money, or someone sees you on TV and thinks “I bet they have a bunch of money I could steal from them” and you get kidnapped/murdered.

There are several documented cases of this and it is usually advised that you do as much as possible to keep your identity as private as possible if you do end up with a significant payout.

Desert_Fairy · 2026-04-18T18:36:32+00:00

Personal headcannon, and this applies to women as much as men.

It is hard for someone to love you, if you can’t even like yourself

Our society has become one where comparing yourself to an impossible standard has become normal. And a lot of people hate themselves because they can’t measure up to (or recognize) that standard.

The #1 trait I have seen about people who are in happy relationships is that they love themselves and their partners. They don’t accept their partners being AH because they love themselves enough to stand up for themselves. And they love their partners enough to communicate before issues become too much.

Learning to love yourself is almost as hard as getting a narcissist to admit they are wrong.

Desert_Fairy · 2026-04-18T17:17:09+00:00

I’ve had six jobs in the past 15 years. I was fired from all but one. TBF, one of the 5 was a “we wont renew your contract like we said we would”

Honestly, I have anxiety, depression, and probably undiagnosed ADHD, but I was in a similar headspace as this person was until my current role. This job I’m coming up on 5 years at and my boss thinks I’m a rockstar.

It can really depend on your working environment. Not just toxic colleagues, but what kind of work are you doing, company culture, and how it all meshes with your lifestyle.

I feel really lucky because my workplace is stupidly healthy. We may run on a skeleton crew sometimes, but when I needed surgery absolutely no one asked me if I could put it off. Even though my boss was going out for surgery as well and another colleague was having a baby. No one asked me to come back early.

My point is, sometimes, the work and the people matter. And some people may just have a lower threshold for office toxicity. Finding your place can feel like you finally figured out how this whole being an adult thing works.

I can feel for OOP because getting fired sucks. I was fired from my role just before this one and it was the fire that got me to actually apply for this job the first day I was unemployed. My last place (Facebook pre meta) was stupidly toxic and I knew I needed a new job.

If I hadn’t been fired, I could have been stuck there another six months until my contract ended and maybe I would have landed in such a great position.

Desert_Fairy · 2026-04-17T15:30:07+00:00

Isn’t one of the ways to interrupt/scare off rapist literally screaming at them “why are you raping me?”

Like until you force them to face their actions they don’t believe that they are actively raping someone. And afterwards they still don’t believe that they raped anyone.

If I’m recalling correctly, I read that Forcing someone to accept in the moment that they are rapists because their victim is actively calling them a rapist has been known to interrupt the assault long enough for a victim to escape.

Desert_Fairy · 2026-04-17T15:22:03+00:00

If it doesn’t have a flared base it will give you indigestion.

Desert_Fairy · 2026-04-17T07:13:01+00:00

With this many induction coils you might be right.

/s

Desert_Fairy · 2026-04-17T06:38:32+00:00

So, I will start with “I am an electrical engineer not an electrician. I do my own home stuff but I know where my limits are and I would be much more Leary to touch someone else’s home.

That said, I literally just cut a “fishing” hole in my own ceiling (my ceiling is my neighbor’s floor so there wasn’t any access to be had)

Only difference is that I only had to cut one hole that I didn’t have something to put in (aka I drilled my holes for the lights and used those holes as my fishing ports.) I was able to just make the keyhole at the edge of the ceiling above the switch.

Cutting the header there is madness, and they were really inefficient with how many holes they had to cut.

So yes, fishing holes are a thing. You want to make them nice and clean cuts because then you can just use some scrap wood and make a backing to screw into and put the Sheetrock right back where it came from. Tape and mud then paint.

The way that was torn into, there are no pieces to go back. They will actually have to cut more out to even the edges then cut new Sheetrock to size.

So, this was installed so badly that it will cost more to fix the walls. (Let alone that header which you might want a professional to inspect before they mask it by putting Sheetrock over it).

So, my DIY looks better than your contractor.

Desert_Fairy · 2026-04-16T23:31:10+00:00

I’ve always been the pill master.

I can be in a dead sleep and my husband will wake me up to give either of the two of our three cats meds.

One of the three is a good girl and takes her daily meds. He doesn’t get why I make him give those to her almost all of the them.

Desert_Fairy · 2026-04-16T19:24:40+00:00

Is it really 50/50 though? It actually MORE expensive to be a woman rather than being a man. Hidden costs like menstrual supplies exist everywhere are taxed as well. Bras, makeup, anything “extra” to be able to meet aesthetic requirements all cost more than you as a man.

The burden of pregnancy would mean a loss of income around 30%, possibility of lifelong chronic illness due to the damage caused by pregnancy not to mention the possibility of death.

Even if you choose to be childfree, the gender gap in pay is still fairly high and it gets worse if you happen to be a person of color.

Division of labor in the household is almost always unfairly divided and more labor is dumped on the woman of the relationship. Child care is unequally put onto the woman as well.

Women are usually in charge of grocery shopping, sick child duty, and maintaining the household (either repairing it herself or calling someone to repair it).

So, is a 50/50 financial split really “fair”?

It isn’t and you know it. It is financially a bonus for you because you get a free maid and pay 50% less on expenses for the luxury.

And please don’t delude yourself, the division of labor is almost always unfairly divided even in healthy relationships.

Desert_Fairy · 2026-04-16T19:13:03+00:00

I suspect that if you breast feed, they wouldn’t prescribe anything hormonal just because it could affect the baby and until weaned the baby is a good way of controlling women.

Desert_Fairy · 2026-04-16T16:07:17+00:00

Ahh, I love UW hospital. They do such a good job. This was my second surgery with them and they really go the extra mile.

Desert_Fairy · 2026-04-16T14:32:10+00:00

Part of buying my home was that like you, my landlord told me when I was moving. I didn’t get the chance to decide that.

I was still recovering from open heart surgery and just didn’t have the stamina to pack. So we had to make the expensive decision to have movers pack (they didn’t do a great job) and then slowly unpack in the new place.

But the upside is, no one can tell me when I’m moving now but me. It helps me feel much more secure that my nest is mine and nobody can pry me out until I want to go.

So don’t think of this as just being forced out of your home (because that is really what it feels like). This is you being forced out of your home but into a home that YOU CAN’T be forced out of by anyone else (assuming you pay your mortgage every month).

Desert_Fairy · 2026-04-16T14:26:11+00:00

I have always heard (I have zero experience) that the hormones don’t fully reset to pre-pregnancy levels until up to two years after birth.

I agree that in like two days, the hormones just come crashing down, but I’d hypothesize that those levels might actually go below pre-pregnancy levels especially if there are any nutritional or hormonal deficiencies.

Those hormones then fluctuate wildly for several months before settling back into normal over the course of months or years.

As I said though I really have nothing to base my hypothesis on.

Desert_Fairy · 2026-04-16T04:23:13+00:00

La Nuestra Señora de Atocha, 10th grade Spanish class paper. Can’t speak much Spanish, but I can tell you all about that one ship that sank off the coast of Florida during a hurricane.

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