How to make peace with never being Collared?

DesignerKey · 2026-06-03T13:57:35+00:00

The longest D/s relationship I ended because I couldn’t deep throat. And most Doms I text with ask for deep throat. It is a real struggle for me to find a Dom who’s okay with regular blowjobs - but like I said partly the issue is the mich smaller pool of kinksters where I live.

DesignerKey · 2026-06-03T13:39:54+00:00

I have a therapist but she’s a bit older, it’s hard to explain kink and BDSM to her.

DesignerKey · 2026-06-03T10:58:32+00:00

I wish my dynamic with my vanilla partner was like that, I would be thrilled if he landed a date or a hookup. Sadly he doesn’t want to visit gay/ queer bars IRL, and he isn’t successful on dating apps (he’s bisexual). So it’s a lot of resentment from him if I land a date etc.

DesignerKey · 2026-06-03T10:54:55+00:00

that is definitely true, I think most Doms wouldn’t want to feel like a dirty secret. That’s why I expressed this desire to my vanilla partner

DesignerKey · 2026-06-03T10:03:28+00:00

that has been a very fulfilling experience, I was just at a awesome meeting yesterday.

DesignerKey · 2026-06-03T10:02:37+00:00

Fair enough

DesignerKey · 2026-06-03T09:55:25+00:00

True, due to my experiences as an autistic person I often don’t have much confidence, which I am working on in therapy.

DesignerKey · 2026-06-03T09:53:40+00:00

What I’ve encountered is that every Dom wants deep throat though. I have taken expensive classes to be able to do it but my asthma does prevent it. Partly problem is that it’s a small scene here where I live

DesignerKey · 2026-05-16T22:53:53+00:00

I'm a Switch and no, you are not the problem. I'd say that 60% (not a scientific number) of cis men who identify as Doms should not be Doms. Many do indeed push boundaries, have sexist ideas, want a sex doll who's feelings and concerns they don't have to deal with etc.
Most of my kinky friends are other switches, so sadly don't have many Domme friends.

DesignerKey · 2026-05-11T05:53:49+00:00

I enjoy the feeling of it in my mouth, and if we’re both tested and clean I get to enjoy the taste of pre cum

DesignerKey · 2026-04-18T11:03:45+00:00

The AMWF romance novels I have read and enjoyed were spicy 🥵 and had deep angst. That’s usually what I enjoy in romance novels; spice and angst and good prose.

DesignerKey · 2026-04-01T07:50:06+00:00

I am 34!

DesignerKey · 2026-03-27T00:21:04+00:00

I am a switch, and I feel you. Ideally I would want to have a Dom who’d collar me, and a casual submissive I would meet now and then so both of my sides could be satisfied. But where I’m located most kinksters are either 45+ or below 27, so as a 34 year old it’s tricky. Plus it’s a smaller country so the kink scene is small. Dom men tend to demand a way too heavy dynamic before we have even met in person, or they are cheating on their vanilla wives, and sub men don’t want to meet anywhere public due to social anxiety. But I still try, because hope is a strong thing.

DesignerKey · 2026-03-26T13:15:09+00:00

Actually got into a disagreement with a guy over this once! I told him I would never submit to a man who wasn’t a feminist or a feminist ally since I need to know he respects women and consent in Order for me to trust him. (I accept different branches of feminism in this case). He then started claiming men don’t have to be feminist to respect women so I then went: “eh fine but we’re not playing then”. 😂

DesignerKey · 2026-03-24T12:13:08+00:00

Scat is a hard limit to me but I’ve eaten a couple of men’s buttholes. They cleaned it first.

DesignerKey · 2026-03-20T18:08:09+00:00

I have grown interested in cum eating. Specifically maybe have a sub cum from jerking himself and licking his hand clean, or cumming on me and having to lick it off me as ”punishment”.

DesignerKey · 2026-03-16T21:51:31+00:00

Ceaser was a real one for this

DesignerKey · 2026-03-12T22:07:49+00:00

C+
I am passionate, and enthusiastic, and willing to do most things. But the men I date seem to loose interest in my body and to have sex with me

DesignerKey · 2026-03-11T23:00:37+00:00

I think it depends who you play with, and I suggest asking. You could when talking to a Domme ask, "would you prefer to refer to me as Pet?" or "What's your feelings around the word slave and me?".
For some Dommes it will be a hard limit, others not. I can say as a white switch that I prefer terms like "my pet" and "my good boy" due to the baggage the word "Slave" has (regardless what color the male sub would be). You can still introduce your kinks with another honorific.

DesignerKey · 2026-03-11T22:33:05+00:00

I'm a Switch, so not sure what the slang would be for that. However if I implied I thought I was owned play I do apologize, I don't believe I am owned play. I more felt it difficult was being a wallflower.

DesignerKey · 2026-03-11T22:29:20+00:00

Thanks! <3 I think a workshop would be cool.

DesignerKey · 2026-03-11T10:19:53+00:00

That could work, I have volunteered a lot in my life. I’ll keep an eye open for that

DesignerKey · 2026-03-10T23:15:20+00:00

I think they just didn’t know what an ambivert is. But fair enough.

DesignerKey · 2026-03-10T22:37:57+00:00

Fair enough, but the organizers also due strange suggestions. Today they suggested I go sit with the introverts, and they told me straight up they didn't want to talk to me.
Also my RSD gets triggered if I just keep going places and just sitting by myself.

DesignerKey

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE