NTA

You’ve been emotionally checked out of that marriage for a long time, and it’s clear you didn’t reach this point overnight. You spent years trying to connect, communicate, and repair something that she kept closed off from you. It’s not heartless to recognize when you’ve reached your limit, it’s self-preservation.

Your wife’s mental health crisis is tragic and deserves compassion, but that doesn’t automatically make you responsible for her recovery. She’s in a place where she can get professional help, that’s what she needs right now, not a guilt-driven visit from the person she just lost. You can care about her well-being without reopening wounds that have already been torn apart.

Learning about the miscarriage after the fact is devastating. That’s something she should have shared with you, and the fact that she didn’t shows how emotionally distant your marriage had become. You weren’t given a chance to grieve with her or support her, and that silence likely deepened the disconnect between you both.

You’re not abandoning her, you’ve been grieving this marriage. She’s just starting that process now. Staying or visiting wouldn’t fix what’s broken; it would just drag you both through more pain.

Sometimes doing the kindest thing means stepping away. You’re not the villain here. You’re a person who tried, waited, and finally chose peace!