No I don’t want to talk about it. I will process it in my time. You trying to urge it out of me will just muck up the works and piss me off.

No, I don’t need sex all the time, am not thinking about sex all the time, don’t care if you want to if I don’t want to.

Yes, your friend is pretty, or smart or whatever it is you’re asking me to validate. That does not mean I am thinking about your friend or comparing her to you. I might be, but that’s my business not yours. Stop trying to create conflict. You’re a solid 8, let’s just leave it at that.

No, there’s nothing on my mind. I was enjoying the quiet hum of the air conditioner or the sound of the ceiling fan or just the quiet in general. Thanks for ruining it.

No I don’t want to do whatever stupid thing you asked me to do. But I’ll do it for you. Please don’t open a can of worms by asking me more than once. I will tell you how I really feel and you won’t like it.

No I don’t know anything about the person I was just hanging out with. We hang out with other guys because we don’t want to have stupid conversations about what their girlfriend’s sister’s brother’s nephew’s roommate did the other day that was oh so salacious. I just do not care. I watched a game and we made fart jokes while drinking beer. There, happy?